Teach me how to not be jealous

[Anonymous]

“Forced to live the grunt of a thankless middle class life”??? I give up - you are just going to have to endure the jealousy because you seem incapable of appreciating what you have.
Thread over, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

PP here, and my DH isn't either, unfortunately. He's good for bouncing technology ideas off though. Does your DH have any special knowledge or skills for which you can at least seek advice, if needed?

Alternatively, the fact of the matter is that people do outgrow each other. If you think you're better off without him, then nothing wrong in going your own way. Good luck!

My DH isn’t lazy or anything like that. He works very hard at his job, pleases the management at his company and his plan is to keep doing well until they promote him. To me it seems like the opposite of being proactive about your goals and career.

His attitude gives me anxiety. There’s so much more than this day to day grind of middle class life.

I keep thinking of Creative entrepreneurship ideas on my own to try and pursue. All of my friends who married welll were very ambitious women. They just channeled it to finding a certain kind of guy and are now helping their DHs succeed in their careers.

Please explain this to me. How is this the opposite of being proactive? He has a plan, and that plan is to do well enough in his job until he's promoted. That is called working to advance your career. Not everyone can suddenly create a multimillion dollar company or become a booming real estate magnate. I think you're the one with the big issue here. There is nothing preventing you from still doing "ambitious" things despite the "grind of middle class life." But I think you need to start by realizing that what you have isn't bad or holding you back in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up solidly middle class with big dreams and aspirations.Due to career choice and who I married, it looks like I’ll be living a normal solidly middle class life. This is all hunky dory except...all of the girlfriends I grew up with are already living extraordinary lives or are about to do so due to luck and/or who they married.

I live paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment. DH and I have boring unremarkable middlemclass jobs. Our idea of a fun date is to go to Wegmans on Saturday.

Friend A who grew up LMC and was a legal secretary is married to this multimillionaire and is now mistress of a huge estate and her husband bought them a new country home this weekend. She is oh so casually talking about looking forward to building a pool and having horses and I nod and find it incredible how her life turned out.

Another friend is marrying a creator of an app who is also a multimillionaire.

Another friend was a waitress who met her trustfujd husband at work and is now so happy and loving large.

We were all at the same place 5 years ago. Literally everyone I know has moved on in an extraordinary fashion but I’m still here living my ordinary life doing my horrible commute and stressing over money. Help me not be jealous and resentful. They just got lucky. I didn’t.

The horror, OP. You may as well look into jumping into the Potomac.

You live in the one of the richest countries in the world at a time when humanity's standard of living has never been higher. You are educated, healthy, employed, and have a decent partner in life who treats you well.

Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love your husband / have a happy marriage, OP?

I picked him based on his kindness, good heart and love for me. I never thought to filter based on income and socio-economic status. Watching my friends' lives blossom makes me wonder if I was too naive. I AM unhappy living in a cramped apartment, no vacations and coupon living.

tiny apartment, paycheck to paych city, no vacation, coupons--this does not sound middle class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

PP here, and my DH isn't either, unfortunately. He's good for bouncing technology ideas off though. Does your DH have any special knowledge or skills for which you can at least seek advice, if needed?

Alternatively, the fact of the matter is that people do outgrow each other. If you think you're better off without him, then nothing wrong in going your own way. Good luck!

My DH isn’t lazy or anything like that. He works very hard at his job, pleases the management at his company and his plan is to keep doing well until they promote him. To me it seems like the opposite of being proactive about your goals and career.

His attitude gives me anxiety. There’s so much more than this day to day grind of middle class life.

I keep thinking of Creative entrepreneurship ideas on my own to try and pursue. All of my friends who married welll were very ambitious women. They just channeled it to finding a certain kind of guy and are now helping their DHs succeed in their careers.

Is your husband, OP, holding you back? Like if you had an in-demand IT skill and wanted to become an independent consultant he said no, it’s too much risk. Or if you were able to increase your income and wanted to use the money for investments including potentially real estate, he would say no? I ask because I know women that were more willing to take risks because they had the work benefits and middle class salary of their spouse behind them, not that the spouse had to be a multi-millionaire.

Also why are you living paycheck to paycheck? Either you need to up YOUR income or cut expenses. If your DH is not supportive of either option, then I can see problems on the horizon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up solidly middle class with big dreams and aspirations.Due to career choice and who I married, it looks like I’ll be living a normal solidly middle class life. This is all hunky dory except...all of the girlfriends I grew up with are already living extraordinary lives or are about to do so due to luck and/or who they married.

I live paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment. DH and I have boring unremarkable middlemclass jobs. Our idea of a fun date is to go to Wegmans on Saturday.

Friend A who grew up LMC and was a legal secretary is married to this multimillionaire and is now mistress of a huge estate and her husband bought them a new country home this weekend. She is oh so casually talking about looking forward to building a pool and having horses and I nod and find it incredible how her life turned out.

Another friend is marrying a creator of an app who is also a multimillionaire.

Another friend was a waitress who met her trustfujd husband at work and is now so happy and loving large.

We were all at the same place 5 years ago. Literally everyone I know has moved on in an extraordinary fashion but I’m still here living my ordinary life doing my horrible commute and stressing over money. Help me not be jealous and resentful. They just got lucky. I didn’t.

The horror, OP. You may as well look into jumping into the Potomac.

You live in the one of the richest countries in the world at a time when humanity's standard of living has never been higher. You are educated, healthy, employed, and have a decent partner in life who treats you well.

Get some perspective.

+1

I know women married to rich men, and these women are sometimes abused emotionally and controlled constantly. The men are a-holes, behind closed doors, and in public they are the nicest guys in the world. You don't know someone until you live with them, OP. At least you know that you have a nice guy who won't abuse you - it's more common than you think. better the devil you know, than the devil you don't. Don't be stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like others said, definitely seize this opportunity to take control of your own life and improve on yourself rather than focusing on others. Your friend have material success. Sure, they may have other forms of success, but that doesn't mean you can't find a different sort.

Set some short term, long term, and even longer term goals. They can be for your career, for traveling, for getting involved in something, anything.

Enjoy your husband. I'm not saying that you don't already! But take this jealously and channel it into passion for one another. Do new things together. Dream big. Take a step back and enjoy each other more than you already do.

Focus on your character. What aspects of yourself would you like to improve? Do you feel that you're too high-strung? Focus on relaxation, de-stressing, perhaps taking up meditation, gardening, painting, whatever floats your boat. Would you like to be more charitable? Look to get involved in a project outside of work that you know you can become passionate about. Look to make a difference, small or large. What to be more confident? Think of how you can achieve that. Is it through exercising or improving your beauty/self-care skills? Is it through challenging yourself to talk to a stranger every day, or to remind yourself to always set up straight?

What are you eating? I know that sounds weird. But food fuels you and what you put into your body matters. Each what makes you feel good, and energetic, and strong. Try new recipes, discover different world cuisines, etc.

It's the little things, OP. It's about feeling fulfilled. Perhaps the fact that you're focused on your friends' material successes is a sign that there's things in your life that need to change, but not the ones you think. If you end every day feeling fulfilled, you will be alright.

+1

This is really great and practical advice, OP. I know it is hard for people with your type of personality not to compare yourself to other women, but you have to get off of it, in order to move ahead, for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. OP could be a millionaire tomorrow and she’s just something else to be envious about- not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, it can go in forever. You wanna know how to stop envying others ? It’s simple - count your blessings, instead of counting the blessings of others.
Did someone else suggest this thread die already?