Teach me how to not be jealous

[Anonymous]

You have posted about this before. Actually do something about it now.

[Anonymous]

It’s a bit odd that ALL of your friends are living “extraordinary” lives - I find that highly unlikely.
But I think the only answer is to be grateful as hell for what you have. If you have your health, love, and financial comfort then you are truly, truly blessed. Maybe it will just take living a bit longer to realize this.

Life is way too short to spend it feeling jealous of others, and devaluing what you have. Wegman’s on a Saturday night sounds great to me, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment doesn’t seem middle class. But if you married someone you truly love, a tiny apartment is as good as a palace. Are your friends all very attractive but maybe married someone less attractive and interesting for money? I wouldn’t envy them. Their situation may look good only from the outside. You could work on your career so you don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. Big dreams and aspirations need to be translated into action.

This! My DH is successful though not at the level OP describe. And, he is very handsome and I take delight in watching him even 22 years since marrying him.

[Anonymous]

I see this same kind of post every couple of weeks here. Same writing style. Only details changed.

[Anonymous]

OP - the only "extraordinary" thing any of your friends have done is marry rich. They personally have done nothing of any particular value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - the only "extraordinary" thing any of your friends have done is marry rich. They personally have done nothing of any particular value.

This.

I much prefer my modest rental that is cozy and “home” to me, and my low-paying but fulfilling job. I make enough to pay the bills. I have a wonderful relationship and great friends and family which to me is true happiness in life.

If your happiness depends on keeping up with others or on things that are material, that is your problem. I suspect you could have all the money in the world but would still feel unfulfilled and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have posted about this before. Actually do something about it now.

+1 What do you hope to achieve by posting repeatedly on DCUM, OP? We've given you plenty of sound advice, but we can't do it for you. Life is not fair. There's no magic wand, no 'Make It Fair' Fairy.

[Anonymous]

Life is really difficult for most people. Don't waste a second worrying about what other people have. Just jump into your own life and make the most of it. Stand up for people that are hurting or abused by bad people. Help people that are ill or in need. Don't waste another second of your precious time being jealous!

[Anonymous]

Here's the deal: If you don't have kids, divorce the guy and build the life you want (ie you seem to think you could luck out and marry a rich guy, so go for it).

If you have kids, put them first and recommit to the marriage. You probably have more than your friends and in another 10 yrs the divorces will start rolling in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bit odd that ALL of your friends are living “extraordinary” lives - I find that highly unlikely.
But I think the only answer is to be grateful as hell for what you have. If you have your health, love, and financial comfort then you are truly, truly blessed. Maybe it will just take living a bit longer to realize this.

Life is way too short to spend it feeling jealous of others, and devaluing what you have. Wegman’s on a Saturday night sounds great to me, btw.

This is great advice, OP. Also, I wonder if you have a blind spot about other people. While it's possible that you have one friend who married rich and is very happy, I find it hard to believe that all of your friends married rich and just happen to have no problems. Everyone has problems. Money may soften them sometimes but I don't believe that all your friends just happen to have charmed lives while yours sucks.

My sister married a rich doctor whom she divorced after 18 years because he was a self-centered jerk. I worked low-paid jobs and then later was a poor graduate student for about half of the time that my sister was in this relationship. I never envied her money because I could see that her husband was pretty shallow.

Anyway, I'm not saying that all your friends have secret struggles but it's hard for me to believe that they all have it made. I think you need to work on your perception of your friends. You may not be seeing them as the complicated fully human people they are. Good luck with this. I can tell that it bothers you a lot. I hope you can get past it.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP, maybe your husband will die tomorrow. Then you'll lose your job, then get one of your arms lopped off in a freak accident. And what money you had will go to medical bills. You won't even be able to afford that little apartment.

Will you look back at what you had and see how misguided and foolish your negative attitude was?

[Anonymous]

Oh, and you're not jealous. You're envious.

[Anonymous]

Stop comparing yourself. Or st least stop comparing yourself to these people. If you must, compare yourself to the homeless guy you pass in your horrible communte. One if these comparisons will make you feel gratitude the other will make you feel envious. It’s your choice what you focus on. Oh, and I know someone that would love a horrible commute because it would mean she has a job. I have a great job, but no husband or SO to speak of... should I be jealous of those who do when I feel lonely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's sad that you're not jealous of your friends' personal successes, just that of their husbands.

Didn't your peer group have any aspirations of their own besides marrying well?

+1

[Anonymous]

I would use my friend’s lifestyles as motivation to improve myself.

Go back to college, earn a degree or at the very least, try getting certification in a good, money-making career.

Encourage your hubby to do the same.

Practice gratitude for what you already have.
Good health, strong relationship, even for the food in your kitchen.

Life blessings come in many different forms and who knows what will happen in the future?

God forbid, but someone could be diagnosed w/cancer, have multiple miscarriages or lose all their money in a bad investment or huge lawsuit.

Or they may go through a horrific divorce and lose it all.

Enjoy your many blessings and be grateful for the life you now have.
There are never any guarantees in this life.....
No matter how high your bank account balance may be.