Teach me how to not be jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have posted about this before. Actually do something about it now.

Yes Eminem Nanny.

[Anonymous]

Given the situations you described and the fact this is DC, I’m guessing the common denominator is that each of these friends is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the situations you described and the fact this is DC, I’m guessing the common denominator is that each of these friends is beautiful.

Yes. I'm a 4. When we were younger, my friends were 6s. In our mid twenties they learned to do their hair and makeup. They blossomed into solid 8s and attracted a lot of attention.

[Anonymous]

Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop allowing it to steal your joy and focus on how grateful you are to have the things you do. Even struggling you have more than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the situations you described and the fact this is DC, I’m guessing the common denominator is that each of these friends is beautiful.

Yes. I'm a 4. When we were younger, my friends were 6s. In our mid twenties they learned to do their hair and makeup. They blossomed into solid 8s and attracted a lot of attention.

Oh for goodness sake, please don’t encourage OP to keep this comparison thing going. FWIW, looks may attract a man, but they are not enough to keep one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's sad that you're not jealous of your friends' personal successes, just that of their husbands.

Didn't your peer group have any aspirations of their own besides marrying well?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love your husband / have a happy marriage, OP?

I picked him based on his kindness, good heart and love for me. I never thought to filter based on income and socio-economic status. Watching my friends' lives blossom makes me wonder if I was too naive. I AM unhappy living in a cramped apartment, no vacations and coupon living.

I wonder if your DH wishes he had filtered *you* out based on income and SES?

[Anonymous]

YOU need to get better job or degree and earn the money you want.

[Anonymous]

OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

[Anonymous]

Like others said, definitely seize this opportunity to take control of your own life and improve on yourself rather than focusing on others. Your friend have material success. Sure, they may have other forms of success, but that doesn't mean you can't find a different sort.

Set some short term, long term, and even longer term goals. They can be for your career, for traveling, for getting involved in something, anything.

Enjoy your husband. I'm not saying that you don't already! But take this jealously and channel it into passion for one another. Do new things together. Dream big. Take a step back and enjoy each other more than you already do.

Focus on your character. What aspects of yourself would you like to improve? Do you feel that you're too high-strung? Focus on relaxation, de-stressing, perhaps taking up meditation, gardening, painting, whatever floats your boat. Would you like to be more charitable? Look to get involved in a project outside of work that you know you can become passionate about. Look to make a difference, small or large. What to be more confident? Think of how you can achieve that. Is it through exercising or improving your beauty/self-care skills? Is it through challenging yourself to talk to a stranger every day, or to remind yourself to always set up straight?

What are you eating? I know that sounds weird. But food fuels you and what you put into your body matters. Each what makes you feel good, and energetic, and strong. Try new recipes, discover different world cuisines, etc.

It's the little things, OP. It's about feeling fulfilled. Perhaps the fact that you're focused on your friends' material successes is a sign that there's things in your life that need to change, but not the ones you think. If you end every day feeling fulfilled, you will be alright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

PP here, and my DH isn't either, unfortunately. He's good for bouncing technology ideas off though. Does your DH have any special knowledge or skills for which you can at least seek advice, if needed?

Alternatively, the fact of the matter is that people do outgrow each other. If you think you're better off without him, then nothing wrong in going your own way. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

PP here, and my DH isn't either, unfortunately. He's good for bouncing technology ideas off though. Does your DH have any special knowledge or skills for which you can at least seek advice, if needed?

Alternatively, the fact of the matter is that people do outgrow each other. If you think you're better off without him, then nothing wrong in going your own way. Good luck!

My DH isn’t lazy or anything like that. He works very hard at his job, pleases the management at his company and his plan is to keep doing well until they promote him. To me it seems like the opposite of being proactive about your goals and career.

His attitude gives me anxiety. There’s so much more than this day to day grind of middle class life.

I keep thinking of Creative entrepreneurship ideas on my own to try and pursue. All of my friends who married welll were very ambitious women. They just channeled it to finding a certain kind of guy and are now helping their DHs succeed in their careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we're not living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment, like you, I feel stuck in a middle-class rut. My DH doesn't seem to mind his 9-5 grind and I don't hate my job, but I want much more.

Unlike you, I don't have friends that have married into multi-millionaire status, but yeah, I covet the lifestyles of instagrammers that have their weekend homes and the neighbors behind us that just purchased the Tesla P100D.

The fact is we don't know what's going in behind closed
doors or in their minds or hearts, or bodies for that matter. Diseases don't discriminate (ask Steve Jobs' wife) and people that marry into that lifestyle have even less control over their futures than you do.

I agree with other PPs that suggest channeling your angst into bettering yourself - get a better job, earn more money, start a side hustle, a webpage. I think taking steps to better your life will bring you much more satisfaction in the long term than wishing you had married "up."

Op here. I want to do well and live well. I’ve always wanted this. I am not opposed to working hard on my career however I am also cognizant of the fact that unless I luck into creating a multimillion dollar company, it takes two to build that dream. My DH works hard but isn’t a man of vision. His dream is to come home and play video games and decompress. He’s not thinking investment portfolios or real estate dreams.

I so wish I had a man who was a partner and a co-visionary. Someone who’s dreams is assist and help implement. I’m all on my own and being forced to live the grunt of a thanklesss middle class life.

PP here, and my DH isn't either, unfortunately. He's good for bouncing technology ideas off though. Does your DH have any special knowledge or skills for which you can at least seek advice, if needed?

Alternatively, the fact of the matter is that people do outgrow each other. If you think you're better off without him, then nothing wrong in going your own way. Good luck!

My DH isn’t lazy or anything like that. He works very hard at his job, pleases the management at his company and his plan is to keep doing well until they promote him. To me it seems like the opposite of being proactive about your goals and career.

His attitude gives me anxiety. There’s so much more than this day to day grind of middle class life.

I keep thinking of Creative entrepreneurship ideas on my own to try and pursue. All of my friends who married welll were very ambitious women. They just channeled it to finding a certain kind of guy and are now helping their DHs succeed in their careers.

So what have you done besides for think of them? And you could find a partner/co-founder that's not your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the situations you described and the fact this is DC, I’m guessing the common denominator is that each of these friends is beautiful.

Yes. I'm a 4. When we were younger, my friends were 6s. In our mid twenties they learned to do their hair and makeup. They blossomed into solid 8s and attracted a lot of attention.

What the f-ity F!! To begin with, stop rating yourself and others in this way. Your own though process and value system are getting in the way of your happiness. Until you overcome this, you will be blind to your blessings and unable to appreciate them.