If you're married, how quickly did you know you were dealing with the "one"?

[Anonymous]

I bet my roommate a nickel that I would marry him after our second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew my DH for three years before we had our first date so I knew him very well as a good friend. I was actually the one to make the first move and invited him to my place for dinner...followed by breakfast! Within a month I was sure he was the one.

Sleeping with him on the first date seems pretty bold!

I would have slept with my DH on the first date but I had to attend a friends Dads funeral the next day and leave my apartment really early, so he went home. Slept with him the 2nd date, 2 nights later.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs who said there is no such thing as the one, but rather there is someone who is a good match at the right time. (Isn't that romantic?)

I met my now-husband when we were in our mid-30s. We'd both previously been in long term relationships. Both of us had previously imagined getting married to the people we were with, and also with plenty of others - it's the sort of people we are. But neither of us actually ever married those others, and at least in my case it never seemed like a true possibility - it was fun fantasy but would have been bad matches in the end.

With my husband, the first time I met him - we were at the same conference - I had this flash thought of "husband." I didn't take that thought so seriously, but we did talk a lot at that conference and started spending time together.

He tells me he pretty quickly felt like we should be together, for the long haul - it took me a lot longer to get there. He is not my usual type physically or politically; he lived in the suburbs and I was a city person - there were lots of reasons not to be together. He wore a lot of cologne and I thought that was really gross. But over the course of about six months he basically proved himself to be a really really good and smart person who would do his very best to make me happy. That was when I decided that we could be together - and I also basically knew that if we were getting together, we were staying together; this wasn't going to be a light thing.

So, to answer your original question: Had an inkling on the first day; realized for real about six months later after getting to know him very well.

[Anonymous]

We moved in together on our second date and got engaged after three months. Never done anything impulsive like that before in my life. When you know, you know.

[Anonymous]

DH and I became engaged three weeks after first meeting and married a year later. That was 28 years ago and we are very happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And how soon did you talk about it?

We met in college. On 1st date. Talked about it maybe a year later. Married 7 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs who said there is no such thing as the one, but rather there is someone who is a good match at the right time. (Isn't that romantic?)

I met my now-husband when we were in our mid-30s. We'd both previously been in long term relationships. Both of us had previously imagined getting married to the people we were with, and also with plenty of others - it's the sort of people we are. But neither of us actually ever married those others, and at least in my case it never seemed like a true possibility - it was fun fantasy but would have been bad matches in the end.

With my husband, the first time I met him - we were at the same conference - I had this flash thought of "husband." I didn't take that thought so seriously, but we did talk a lot at that conference and started spending time together.

He tells me he pretty quickly felt like we should be together, for the long haul - it took me a lot longer to get there. He is not my usual type physically or politically; he lived in the suburbs and I was a city person - there were lots of reasons not to be together. He wore a lot of cologne and I thought that was really gross. But over the course of about six months he basically proved himself to be a really really good and smart person who would do his very best to make me happy. That was when I decided that we could be together - and I also basically knew that if we were getting together, we were staying together; this wasn't going to be a light thing.

So, to answer your original question: Had an inkling on the first day; realized for real about six months later after getting to know him very well.

I don't know that that explains everyone's relationship. One of my close friends has been married since just after college. She married a boy she met in middle school, who told his mother that day that he had met the girl he was going to marry. They "dated" - that innocent, no sex kind, until their first year of high school. Then his family moved across the state, and they barely kept in touch. They coincidentally ended up going to the same college, and reconnected. They have been together ever since, and that was more than 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs who said there is no such thing as the one, but rather there is someone who is a good match at the right time. (Isn't that romantic?)

I met my now-husband when we were in our mid-30s. We'd both previously been in long term relationships. Both of us had previously imagined getting married to the people we were with, and also with plenty of others - it's the sort of people we are. But neither of us actually ever married those others, and at least in my case it never seemed like a true possibility - it was fun fantasy but would have been bad matches in the end.

With my husband, the first time I met him - we were at the same conference - I had this flash thought of "husband." I didn't take that thought so seriously, but we did talk a lot at that conference and started spending time together.

He tells me he pretty quickly felt like we should be together, for the long haul - it took me a lot longer to get there. He is not my usual type physically or politically; he lived in the suburbs and I was a city person - there were lots of reasons not to be together. He wore a lot of cologne and I thought that was really gross. But over the course of about six months he basically proved himself to be a really really good and smart person who would do his very best to make me happy. That was when I decided that we could be together - and I also basically knew that if we were getting together, we were staying together; this wasn't going to be a light thing.

So, to answer your original question: Had an inkling on the first day; realized for real about six months later after getting to know him very well.

I don't know that that explains everyone's relationship. One of my close friends has been married since just after college. She married a boy she met in middle school, who told his mother that day that he had met the girl he was going to marry. They "dated" - that innocent, no sex kind, until their first year of high school. Then his family moved across the state, and they barely kept in touch. They coincidentally ended up going to the same college, and reconnected. They have been together ever since, and that was more than 30 years ago.

Maybe you're right - maybe for some people there really is just the one.

[Anonymous]

I knew her for a few years as we were working for the same company. I thought she was girl next door cute, very smart but dressed so business like that I wasn't really attracted to her. But over time we got to know each other very well, just often BS-ing at the end of the workday. I was "serial dating" young hotties but none could hold an intelligent conversation like this girl. Eventually we started dating and it was incredibly comfortable from day 1 but I never really thought about her being the one until, completely unplanned, I proposed. At that moment it felt like the right thing to do. 28 years later she's still the one.

[Anonymous]

It took me six years to figure it out with my wife. Took me months to not confuse her with her roommate.

[Anonymous]

Within about a month of dating, I knew marriage was very likely.

[Anonymous]

When I met my now husband I had this instant feeling of...home. There was something so comfortable and familiar about him. I knew this was it. Looking back though, it was more that I was in a place when I was searching to have that kind of feeling with someone. Of course he dumped me three times for his ex girlfriend and it took him years of nagging for him to propose to me.

So that feeling everyone talks about when meeting someone for the first time, I think it says more about them than the legitimacy of the person at the receiving of it being the one.

[Anonymous]

2 days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no "the one," OP. There are many people you can potentially be happy with. It is the matter of meeting a person who is a good match plus being ready to settle down.

+1 If you are looking for perfect you will be disappointed later when you realize they are not perfect. By the way you are not perfect either, keeping this in mind will make life easier.

[Anonymous]

Almost from day 1. My GF at the time had a new roommate and the first time I met her I was blown away by her looks and personality. As you might imagine things got very awkward very quickly as the roommate soon let me know that she was interested in me as well. It took a few months for us to get together and just a few more months to know that she was the one. She still is!