If you're married, how quickly did you know you were dealing with the "one"?

[Anonymous]

And how soon did you talk about it?

[Anonymous]

I emailed my girlfriends right after my first date with my husband to tell them I met the man I was going to marry. We dated casually for six months before we were exclusive, and we got engaged 2.5 years in. I think I told him I loved him around month nine. Honestly, knowing that I wanted to marry him made it much easier to be patient for him to come around because I felt like I had more than enough time - I had the rest of our lives. He never knew I felt that way so soon until it came up somehow a couple year into our marriage. I had to dig up the email to prove to him that I'd knew it on day one. He would have freaked out if it came out anytime before year two.

[Anonymous]

There's no "the one," OP. There are many people you can potentially be happy with. It is the matter of meeting a person who is a good match plus being ready to settle down.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to marry my husband after a year. There was no "he's the one" lightning moment. There was a slow progression of many "He could be a great life partner and we could build a great life together" moments.

I'd had a "he's the one!" relationships prior to my husband, where I thought within 3 months that he was the one. It fell apart eventually. I probably had many many more dates where I thought, "Wow, he could be the one!" and had major electricity after the first date. I bet I could dig up at least 2 emails after first dates where I emailed friends and said "I can see him being the one!" -- nope.

I think notions of "The One" or having to have lightning strike are counterproductive. Absolutely it does happen in some relationships, but it also happens in many relationships that go on not to be right. You just hear the stories of those that had that lightning bolt moment AND it worked out. Selection bias.

There's nothing wrong with a slow burn, if that's how it works out for you. It's quite natural, healthy, and how most relationships developed over the millennia. The concept of love marriages and love at first sight is quite new culturally.

[Anonymous]

Took me a long time to realize he was the right one for me. I'm still not sure I'm right for him, though.

[Anonymous]

8 years. One day I started looking forward to growing old with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no "the one," OP. There are many people you can potentially be happy with. It is the matter of meeting a person who is a good match plus being ready to settle down.

+1

[Anonymous]

It was love at first sight. The day after we met, I told my girlfriends I had met the man I was going to marry. We effectively moved in together three days later, started looking at rings three months later, and got married about 15 months after that. We will have been together for 20 years this New Year's Eve -- through cancer, infertility, and (blessedly, miraculously) twins. He is still my soul mate.

[Anonymous]

First couple "dates" (we were 19). I knew pretty much right away. You know when you click and you feel sparks yet comfortable at the same time.

[Anonymous]

After our first weekend away together, about 1 1/2 months in. I drove and had a mechanical disaster with my car. He stepped in and completely took charge and took care of the situation, which ended up being a very involved and lengthy process as I ended up needing a new engine.

It wasn't like lightning or anything, it was just a relaxed, secure feeling.

[Anonymous]

It took a while. We met when we were 18, and I had plans the night he asked me out. (He maintains that he thinks I just blew him off.) We became very good friends through college, then FWB for a while after graduation. We both got into serious relationships for a while, and then finally got together "for real" when we broke up with our SOs around the same time.

After that, it was pretty obvious that we were meant for each other, and things moved fairly quickly. We're still head over heels after 10 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no "the one," OP. There are many people you can potentially be happy with. It is the matter of meeting a person who is a good match plus being ready to settle down.

+1

+2. The idea that everyone has this single perfect soulmate out there is dangerous - it implies that once you've found each other, life will just click and everything will be easy. The truth is no matter what, long term relationships are hard work - you'll go through rough phases. That's when it'll be clear whether you chose well

But there are many people you could be with and be happy; yes they would all be different marriages with different dynamics but they could work.

[Anonymous]

My DH told me it was 6 months, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to scare me off. It took me a little less than a year.

[Anonymous]

I met him in April, knew by October. And we spend the summer apart, on different continents. He claims he knew right away, but I don't think he did. Married for 25 years this year.

[Anonymous]

We knew within the first month. Didn't mention marriage until we'd been dating for 2 years and we'd both moved cross country to DC to date. After 2 years I sat him down and told him I wanted to be married in the next 2 years or I was going to find someone else. DH just hadn't realized how much time had passed and he proposed 6 months later.