Why do you let your kid run around at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

[Anonymous]

If you have young children stay home or go to Mc Donalds - but this is just wishful thinking I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because all kids today are on the spectrum, didn't you know? And disciplining them just won't work because of this. I mean, they're on the spectrum... they just don't understand!

Cracks me up to hear parents today say this. I grew up with two SN cousins and they were very well-behaved. Why? Because my aunt & uncle didn't use their disability as an excuse for their bad behavior. They were given choices, like, "you can sit still here at dinner or you can sit still at home in time out." And they had consequences for their behavior just like any other child.

So, what is your excuse for being an ill-tempered asshole? Sounds as if your parents failed where your cousins' parents succeeded.

NP. That was a perfectly pleasant, reasonable post. Why the name calling? Did they hit a nerve? There's no excuse for letting little kids run wild in a restaurant. If you don't know how to parent them so that they are taught to behave appropriately, and you don't know how to recognize their particular limits, and you yourself are too self-indulgent or lazy to remove them when they've reached their limits, or if they are simply unable to handle behaving appropriately for short periods of time, then please get a sitter and leave them at home.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

It was my first post on this thread. There are lots of people who feel this way. If PP wants to pretend it is just one person who simply doesn't understand the difficulties she faces to justify her conduct, there isn't much that can be done.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

+1 from the other poster who sympathized about having a similarly-challenging child. I will further add that if a child is incapable of sitting still and becomes agitated in restaurants, it's not fair to your child either to put him in a situation where he's set up to fail. If pp doesn't care enough about the rest of society to make different choices here, she should care enough about her child's needs to advocate for him and refuse to let the in-laws put him in situations that are inappropriate for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Don't be willfully obtuse. Lots of us are raising and have raised kids on the autistic spectrum, and have been willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior. We see through your excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Don't be willfully obtuse. Lots of us are raising and have raised kids on the autistic spectrum, and have been willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior. We see through your excuses.

What excuses? My children aren't on the spectrum, we didn't go to restaurants much when they were small, and when we did go, they were well-behaved. It seems to me that there is a role for compassion in life. But if you, when encountering a kid running around in the restaurant, want your reaction to be, "Obviously that child's parents, unlike us, aren't willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior," then go ahead, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

You wrote all this and I promise you PP still does not give a single fuck. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Don't be willfully obtuse. Lots of us are raising and have raised kids on the autistic spectrum, and have been willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior. We see through your excuses.

What excuses? My children aren't on the spectrum, we didn't go to restaurants much when they were small, and when we did go, they were well-behaved. It seems to me that there is a role for compassion in life. But if you, when encountering a kid running around in the restaurant, want your reaction to be, "Obviously that child's parents, unlike us, aren't willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior," then go ahead, I guess.

+10000. Seems to me that a lot of you need to eat your beef stroganoff and shut the hell up. If a kid running around bothers you that much, then maybe you, yourself, need to be evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother lets his 2 year old do this because my brother thinks *everyone* thinks that kid is the cutest kid in the world. So surely all restaurant goers should be a witness to his adorable glory.

Your brother's two-year-old probably is adorable. Most two-year-olds are. My personal to-do list is too long to have room for complaining about people who let their two-year-olds run around at restaurants (though not, evidently, too long to post on threads where other people complain).

NP. I don't care how adorable the two-year-old is, restaurants are not your child's personal playground.

[Anonymous]

So, from a curious FTM (of a current 3 month old): when and how does one teach their kids to sit still and quietly at restaurants? Presumably you start with practice sitting for meals at home, but at what age is it reasonable to expect your child to learn and obey this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

You wrote all this and I promise you PP still does not give a single fuck. Get a life.

Oh I bet she does. She made a dig about being lectured, and something else about someone having a gotcha moment with her. Believe me, she cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Don't be willfully obtuse. Lots of us are raising and have raised kids on the autistic spectrum, and have been willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior. We see through your excuses.

What excuses? My children aren't on the spectrum, we didn't go to restaurants much when they were small, and when we did go, they were well-behaved. It seems to me that there is a role for compassion in life. But if you, when encountering a kid running around in the restaurant, want your reaction to be, "Obviously that child's parents, unlike us, aren't willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior," then go ahead, I guess.

Keep playing stupid. It makes me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

It is a tough situation made harder by your in-law's thoughtlessness, and I sympathize with you because we have many of the same issues (child with SN who also has trouble sitting still and quiet at a restaurant, and relatives who don't take his needs seriously). I disagree, though, that this justifies letting your child run around a restaurant, even with an adult along to supervise. Not only is it incredibly rude to the other diners around you, but you create a safety hazard for the wait staff. All it takes is your child bolting before the adult can stop him, or the adult getting distracted for a moment (e.g., looking back at the table to see if food has arrived yet and they can bring your child back) and missing that your child has run in the path of a waiter with a full-laden tray of meals. Your in-laws are being unfair to you, but you are the one who has the responsibility to deal with it appropriately, you can't just push their poor judgment onto other people who have no say in whether your child comes to a restaurant.

Two of my kids have ADHD/ASD and I understand how challenging restaurants are. This immediate PP is correct. Your child having SNs doesn't get you a pass to let him run around the restaurant. I get how much it sucks - I can't count the number of times one or both of us (me or DH) had to pass on an event because someone had to stay with the kids. Our relatives were very understanding but we never expected them to cater to us. It's just as inappropriate for the kids to run around their houses as it is for them to run in the restaurant. But, that's life with a kid with SNs.

[Anonymous]

Back to the OP, six years old is WAY too old to still be running around in a restaurant.