Why do you let your kid run around at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

You wrote all this and I promise you PP still does not give a single fuck. Get a life.

Oh I bet she does. She made a dig about being lectured, and something else about someone having a gotcha moment with her. Believe me, she cares.

Well, snap, I guess you got her then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, from a curious FTM (of a current 3 month old): when and how does one teach their kids to sit still and quietly at restaurants? Presumably you start with practice sitting for meals at home, but at what age is it reasonable to expect your child to learn and obey this?

It totally depends on the child. For us, it started with teaching proper manners and behavior at home. We keep our expectations reasonable based on age and any special needs, but we teach and set expectations that are enforced. As they developed age-appropriate abilities to behave, we took them out first to very casual restaurants and then, as they proved they could handle it, nicer restaurants. We also chose to go at off times before we were totally confident in our kids' behavior, so that if things got out of hand, it minimized the disruption to other diners. We also always had more than one adult there when they were young, so that if someone needed a break outside, someone else could be inside with the other child (or minding the table so they wouldn't think we'd just skipped out).

We also brought with us suitable distractions when the kids were young -- small quiet toys, coloring books/crayons, fidget toys, etc. (but no screens). My child with SN often has trouble sitting in one place for long periods of time, but has learned that it's okay stand next to the table and fidget with something, as long as he's standing out of the way of traffic. For this reason, we also will usually ask for a table more out of the way, or that at least has a place for him to stand without interfering with others (e.g., no booths).

We didn't take them out very often between 1 and 2, but once they were over the age of two we generally were able to manage a restaurant meal using the various strategies listed above. It wasn't always easy or relaxing, but we could do it without making assholes of ourselves.

[Anonymous]

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Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Don't be willfully obtuse. Lots of us are raising and have raised kids on the autistic spectrum, and have been willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior. We see through your excuses.

What excuses? My children aren't on the spectrum, we didn't go to restaurants much when they were small, and when we did go, they were well-behaved. It seems to me that there is a role for compassion in life. But if you, when encountering a kid running around in the restaurant, want your reaction to be, "Obviously that child's parents, unlike us, aren't willing to do the hard work to teach them appropriate behavior," then go ahead, I guess.

Keep playing stupid. It makes me laugh.

I'm happy to make you laugh, but I wouldn't mind knowing why you are laughing. Or maybe I would mind, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have to go out to eat because of my blind father in law. We keep the kids outside as much as possible since they can't sit still. We hate it and would choose not to go out but a blind elderly man in a toddler proofed house and two toddlers just doesnt work.

I really don't understand how going to an unknown restaurant is easier on a blind man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, from a curious FTM (of a current 3 month old): when and how does one teach their kids to sit still and quietly at restaurants? Presumably you start with practice sitting for meals at home, but at what age is it reasonable to expect your child to learn and obey this?

It totally depends on the child. For us, it started with teaching proper manners and behavior at home. We keep our expectations reasonable based on age and any special needs, but we teach and set expectations that are enforced. As they developed age-appropriate abilities to behave, we took them out first to very casual restaurants and then, as they proved they could handle it, nicer restaurants. We also chose to go at off times before we were totally confident in our kids' behavior, so that if things got out of hand, it minimized the disruption to other diners. We also always had more than one adult there when they were young, so that if someone needed a break outside, someone else could be inside with the other child (or minding the table so they wouldn't think we'd just skipped out).

We also brought with us suitable distractions when the kids were young -- small quiet toys, coloring books/crayons, fidget toys, etc. (but no screens). My child with SN often has trouble sitting in one place for long periods of time, but has learned that it's okay stand next to the table and fidget with something, as long as he's standing out of the way of traffic. For this reason, we also will usually ask for a table more out of the way, or that at least has a place for him to stand without interfering with others (e.g., no booths).

We didn't take them out very often between 1 and 2, but once they were over the age of two we generally were able to manage a restaurant meal using the various strategies listed above. It wasn't always easy or relaxing, but we could do it without making assholes of ourselves.

One other thing I forgot to mention, when they were younger we only took them to restaurants with enough outside are for the to move around (e.g., sidewalks out front). Never a place where they couldn't move five feet in any direction without ending up in the parking lot.

[Anonymous]

The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Because for most it's a self diagnoses (by parent for child) to cover up the fact that they're terrible parents and their kids are out of control little a-holes.

Do I think it's funny when a person has a truly autistic child? Of course not!

But don't you find it at all a little suspicious the amount of kids on the spectrum has increased exponentially over the past 5-10 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not ill-tempered asshole at all. I know the rules and how to behave in public and do so. I don't say anything to the parents of unruly kids because not my horse, not my race. I just find it funny that most parents I know have a kid "on the spectrum."

You think it's funny that most parents you know have a kid with autism? What's funny about it?

Because for most it's a self diagnoses (by parent for child) to cover up the fact that they're terrible parents and their kids are out of control little a-holes.

Do I think it's funny when a person has a truly autistic child? Of course not!

But don't you find it at all a little suspicious the amount of kids on the spectrum has increased exponentially over the past 5-10 years?

No, I don't. Why do you?

http://www.factcheck.org/2017/02/has-autism-prevalence-increased/

Do you ask parents, "Who diagnosed your kid? You or a qualified medical professional?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

I didn't realize it was sanctimonious to expect kids to behave in a restaurant. Live and learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child has a free spirit and I wouldn't want to offend him by limiting it.

I am happy to limit your child's free spirit with an inappropriately placed leg that trips the child, sends it into trauma level shrieks and forces the alleged parents and child from restaurant.

I think any other decent humans on this forum would agree that there's a specia circle of hell for anyone who deliberately hurts a child. Hope you rot. But at least you'll have enjoyed your meal in peace I guess.

[Anonymous]

+1

You are an absolute complete psycho. You should be jailed you child abuser!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have to go out to eat because of my blind father in law. We keep the kids outside as much as possible since they can't sit still. We hate it and would choose not to go out but a blind elderly man in a toddler proofed house and two toddlers just doesnt work.

I really don't understand how going to an unknown restaurant is easier on a blind man.

Haha I'm glad I'm not the only one scratching my head at this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child has a free spirit and I wouldn't want to offend him by limiting it.

I am happy to limit your child's free spirit with an inappropriately placed leg that trips the child, sends it into trauma level shrieks and forces the alleged parents and child from restaurant.

I think any other decent humans on this forum would agree that there's a specia circle of hell for anyone who deliberately hurts a child. Hope you rot. But at least you'll have enjoyed your meal in peace I guess.

Yeah, seriously. PP you are a psycho