He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible

[Anonymous]

Tell him how you like it.
Porn.
Initiate different things.
Give him a chance to get better before deciding.

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldn't pursue this marriage. Not just bc the sex is bad but bc at that point I'm
Not sure I'd want to deal with restrictions and constraints of a relationship. He's great, but everyone has flaws. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Don't you know that once a woman gets married (puts a ring on her finger) her libido just vanishes? So get married. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Definitely marry him because you're getting older anyway and sex life will decline.

[Anonymous]

You sound so obsessed with money and benefits, which is really strange and says a lot about you. I don't see why he would be interested in a woman in her mid 40's with two kids? He must be very unattractive and have zero game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except for the sex he sounds great! You should have a serious talk with him about it. Does he like sex but is lousy. Or does he not like it. If he doesn't like it is he gay or is there something else causing it. If he's just not good at it then play teacher. Don't give up on him until you know exactly where he stands on sex.

This. Isn't the saying that communication is important for a relationship? Well that includes taking about sex directly and the non-verbal communications in expressing what you like in bed. Just keep thinking at 15 and 17 your kids are going to be out of the house and if you marry this guy it will just be the two of you. There won't be the distractions of running around to soccer, dance, band, looking at colleges etc. It will be the two of you, newlyweds, no children in the house ....queue the porno music soundtrack. There really will be no excuses why you shouldn't be getting good sex multiple times a week and at that point the cracks in the relationship will be very apparent.

If he has a low sex drive, you will feel resentful and not sexy/desirable. You also miss out on the emotional connection that is enhanced with good sex in a loving relationship. If he likes sex and thinks he is laying it down and you are thinking I've gotten more excitement from the second shower head, he will feel hurt and feel rejected because you are either faking it and not being honest or rejecting his overtures/never initiating. The third option the other PP alluded to is maybe he likes his sex different and that's why he isn't all in with you. That reminds me of the DCUM thread where the husband after many years of not great sex told his wife his fantasies and what got him excited. She was not interested in doing those things and was freaked out like what now.

[Anonymous]

46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and single. I have 2 kids. I own my own home, and make a decent amount of money to support my kids and myself.
I've been dating a very nice guy. He is 45 as well, never married, never had kids. Very career focused. He has great benefits, makes a good amount of money (about equal to me). He has saved and invested a ton of money, while I have spent most of mine raising my kids on my own. I am not broke. I am ok. My benefits at work are not great at all.

He has a good future ahead of him, retirement etc. He wants to get married. He loves me, loves my kids ( 17,15). I love him. My only hesitation is that in bed, he is practically dead. It's me doing it all.
He doesn't decline sex, he just doesn't do, well, much of anything. His personality is not a very touchy feely type. We hold hands, when I take his hand. he kisses me every day. Passionately, no, but he kisses me. He hugs me. He tells me he loves me.

At my age, do I commit to a crappy sex life, but a secure future for me and my kids, or do I wait for the whole package?
Can I live with this type of sex life, I think so.
Not having to worry about benefits or retirement and just feeling overall secure financially for me and my kids for the rest of my life is very appealing.

I'm not looking for his money, I have college savings accounts started for both of my kids. I have my own 401K and it's decent.

Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life, NO. I've been alone long enough and love the comfort of a partner.

What do I do?

I see this kind of question come up so many times and I always am amazed at how this becomes a choice of "Do I dump him, or do I just accept that my husband/boyfriend will be bad in bed forever?" as if there are no other possible choices.

Why not just bring up the issue with him? It doesn't have to be that big of a deal. I'd want to know if I was in his position. Maybe he can change thing up.

I am the OP, I have absolutely brought it up, I would never not bring it up. He has tried here and there to change. I just think he's not good in bed, not a huge priority for him either. I have tried to teach him things, shown him things, let him watch. He is just not a very sexual person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You surface the sex issue with him. There is no path forward without addressing it.

+1

+2 Definitely do not marry him without this resolved to your satisfaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so obsessed with money and benefits, which is really strange and says a lot about you. I don't see why he would be interested in a woman in her mid 40's with two kids? He must be very unattractive and have zero game.

Or OP is HOT, aka trophy wife and he also knows that her kids will be out of the house in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Read the Improved Sex section in Tim Ferriss' book, the 4-hour body. Then have him read it. Practice the techniques together.

If that doesn't work, get a good vibrator.

[Anonymous]

How high is your sex drive? Do you suspect he s actually gay? If not, then toys are a good option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.

Does it really? I am 46 and so far it seems to be the opposite. There is no sign of my period dropping either, which I had hoped for....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.

Does it really? I am 46 and so far it seems to be the opposite. There is no sign of my period dropping either, which I had hoped for....

Not all women. I had early menopause due to a medical condition and it hasn't reduced my libido. For a while, pre-menopause, Lexapro stopped me from orgasming, but I switched to Wellbutrin. I'm a remarried newlywed and still want sex as much as I did a couple decades ago. More, in fact, because this husband is a great lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so obsessed with money and benefits, which is really strange and says a lot about you. I don't see why he would be interested in a woman in her mid 40's with two kids? He must be very unattractive and have zero game.

Better than having to live with being an a-hole. The latter part of your comment says a lot about you, too.