He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?

Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.

I'm in my 60's and I still have a strong sex drive. It helps in that my DH still has a strong drive. It's true that many women do lose their drive but for many it's not menopause, it's that the sexual attraction in their marriage has waned. If we don't have sex at least once a week I complain!

I really think that for women, sex drive is very "use it or lose it," especially as you age.

Naw it's not. Women that are smart know what's really important in the long run. Hmm the good looking guy with little money or the chubby guy who loves you and wants you both to have a great life. Hmmm which shall I choose, lol. The smart woman will choose the better choice. Now a man will almost always choose the bimbo over the average looking woman unless he's smart and has a good foundation. Maryann or Ginger? Obvious to some, not to others.

If it's a choice between growing old in poverty or having a good sex life, I guess it makes sense to go with the guy with money. Usually the choice isn't quite that stark.

[Anonymous]

First, work on the sex issue with him. If he doesn't initiate the actions you like, tell him to. Add toys to the equation, also. As a mature woman, you have to communicate and be responsible for your own enjoyment.

It's highly likely your sexual needs will lessen with menopause. Happens to the horniest of us. In my 50s, I still enjoy it, but the drive is low, and I often wish I could trade in my sex-crazed husband for someone who was financially stable. It's a huge deal as you get older to feel you have security.

[Anonymous]

Does the good outweigh the bad? Like anything do the math. If he's great in most areas, you've got a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?

Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.

I'm in my 60's and I still have a strong sex drive. It helps in that my DH still has a strong drive. It's true that many women do lose their drive but for many it's not menopause, it's that the sexual attraction in their marriage has waned. If we don't have sex at least once a week I complain!

I really think that for women, sex drive is very "use it or lose it," especially as you age.

Naw it's not. Women that are smart know what's really important in the long run. Hmm the good looking guy with little money or the chubby guy who loves you and wants you both to have a great life. Hmmm which shall I choose, lol. The smart woman will choose the better choice. Now a man will almost always choose the bimbo over the average looking woman unless he's smart and has a good foundation. Maryann or Ginger? Obvious to some, not to others.

If it's a choice between growing old in poverty or having a good sex life, I guess it makes sense to go with the guy with money. Usually the choice isn't quite that stark.

Go with the one that would make a better life partner period. If that balance sheet has mostly good on one of the guys it's simple imo.

[Anonymous]

Does he meet your other needs for non-sexual physical affection?

If so, I'd probably go forward. Especially if you can train him up. What happens if you're forward with him? Ask him to do x, y, z?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and single. I have 2 kids. I own my own home, and make a decent amount of money to support my kids and myself.
I've been dating a very nice guy. He is 45 as well, never married, never had kids. Very career focused. He has great benefits, makes a good amount of money (about equal to me). He has saved and invested a ton of money, while I have spent most of mine raising my kids on my own. I am not broke. I am ok. My benefits at work are not great at all.

He has a good future ahead of him, retirement etc. He wants to get married. He loves me, loves my kids ( 17,15). I love him. My only hesitation is that in bed, he is practically dead. It's me doing it all.
He doesn't decline sex, he just doesn't do, well, much of anything. His personality is not a very touchy feely type. We hold hands, when I take his hand. he kisses me every day. Passionately, no, but he kisses me. He hugs me. He tells me he loves me.

At my age, do I commit to a crappy sex life, but a secure future for me and my kids, or do I wait for the whole package?
Can I live with this type of sex life, I think so.
Not having to worry about benefits or retirement and just feeling overall secure financially for me and my kids for the rest of my life is very appealing.

I'm not looking for his money, I have college savings accounts started for both of my kids. I have my own 401K and it's decent.

Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life, NO. I've been alone long enough and love the comfort of a partner.

What do I do?

DH here: tough call, of course, but let me add one thing you may not be thinking of. If he does not know you feel this way about the sex, don't commit to him until he does. It's entirely unfair to him; many men assume (incorrectly) that a woman would not be interested in a long-term relationship if they hated the sex, because hating the sex is almost always a straight-up dealbreaker for most men. He will assume that the sex is at least ok from your perspective unless you let him know otherwise, and in a few years when you lose interest in the bad sex its going to cause major problems. I think you need a heart-to-heart before moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My friend divorced her great husband for one of these. She never had to work and he was great. Just got bored after 15 years and we ALL told her to not do it. Saddest thing because less than a year later she called me and said she made a big mistake. Can't live on sex and of course like all things IT GOT OLD. She had problems with his family, money problems and a whole new set of problems. His D wasn't that great afterall and she tried like heck to get back with her husband but he moved on. So sad because it wasn't a good ending I'll ever forget.

How predictable. She got exactly what she deserved.

Just more reasons to never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:tell me more about the 45 and never married part. more than just career focused. dating history? why? if he is that great of a catch and no marriage i would say that is somewhat of a red flag. not in every case, but in many.

THis would worry me a lot more than anything else. A lot of these guys aren't married though simply because they are so bad in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him to bang the hell out of you?

Tell him where you want it. Tell him he needs to
Pound you like there is no tomorrow.

If he doesn't get the picture. Then move on.

This is actually one of the reasons why some women feel some men are bad in bed. Too many guys these days were initiated into sex by a porn star on a computer screen rather than a real life girlfriend. They think if the man is rough enough for long enough the woman will have an orgasm. Some women do like rough sex, but not all. Of the women who ever find it enjoyable, some like it on occasion, but not all of the time. If you aren't into being banged and pounded but that's all he knows how to do, it's a problem. It's a bigger problem if you're not into it and he thinks that you're frigid if you aren't having the time of your life.

[Anonymous]

Can he be trained to what you like? Have you had honest discussions about what feels good to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:tell me more about the 45 and never married part. more than just career focused. dating history? why? if he is that great of a catch and no marriage i would say that is somewhat of a red flag. not in every case, but in many.

This. Are your kids safe? Maybe its just that he isnt interested in sleeping with YOU. Sorry to say that...

[Anonymous]

Tell us more about his retirement benefits.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Just because OP is 46 years old is no reason to settle on something that is important to her.

Forty-six is not ready to give up by any means.

There are still good years ahead & this can be the prime of any women's life.

What gives?
Is 46 too old to marry....
Yet too young to bury??!

There are many attractive + vital women in their forties.

[Anonymous]

You're getting close to menopause . You may not care in a couple years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell me more about the 45 and never married part. more than just career focused. dating history? why? if he is that great of a catch and no marriage i would say that is somewhat of a red flag. not in every case, but in many.

THis would worry me a lot more than anything else. A lot of these guys aren't married though simply because they are so bad in bed.

Why hasn't he gotten married?