Would you marry someone with a history of mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

One of your kids has a mental illness.

Can you read? She said so far her child is ok. I would never do this myself it's too risky.

I can read and I can promise you one of her kids has a mental illness, it is probably undiagnosed and it's likely the kid will refuse being treated because they know their mother's views on mentall illness and don't want to be hated by their own mother.

It's also possible if the kids are adults they've been diagnosed and are being treat and mummy dearest is none the wiser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

One of your kids has a mental illness.

I'm sure she knows that. That doesn't change that she wouldn't marry someone with a mental illness.

I can tell you after ha ing a child with adhd I would absolutely never marry someone with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is mental illness a deal breaker for marriage?

Mental illness? Maybe. I can tell you I definately wouldn't marry someone small minded who uses ignorance to stigmatize an entire group of people.

LOL at the person who calls other people ignorant and can't even spell simple words.

I'd rather be married to someone who makes a simple spelling error, than someone who is a bigot or someone who mocks someone for making a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

One of your kids has a mental illness.

I'm sure she knows that. That doesn't change that she wouldn't marry someone with a mental illness.

I can tell you after ha ing a child with adhd I would absolutely never marry someone with it.

So you hope your kid never finds someone to love him or her? Never gets married? I pity your kid, it must suck to have mother who views them s deffective, a burden and unworthy of a basic human need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

You're so busy getting up on your high horse you don't even notice that you're responding to questions the OP didn't even ask.

"Would you marry someone who has a history of mental illness?" is a very different question to ask than "would you marry someone who might get a mental illness in the future?". The former is also a very reasonable question to ask; it is not offensive or ignorant.

Would you marry someone who has cancer NOW? Who is 60lbs overweight NOW? Who has mental illness due to brain injury NOW? You are full of shit if you expect me to believe you'd say yes to any of those questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

More likely than women to run away from men with mental illness? Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

You're so busy getting up on your high horse you don't even notice that you're responding to questions the OP didn't even ask.

"Would you marry someone who has a history of mental illness?" is a very different question to ask than "would you marry someone who might get a mental illness in the future?". The former is also a very reasonable question to ask; it is not offensive or ignorant.

Would you marry someone who has cancer NOW? Who is 60lbs overweight NOW? Who has mental illness due to brain injury NOW? You are full of shit if you expect me to believe you'd say yes to any of those questions.

Would you marry someone with diabetes?
Would you marry someone with skin cancer?
Would you marry someone with a limp that could pontentially get progressively worse causing them to need a wheelchair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

I live lived a hellish childhood with a schizophenic mother. Back then families hid mental illness and so I am sure my father didn't know what he was getting into.

NO, NO, NO, never should you marry or have kids with someone with a mental health history unless you are a fool.

So no one should marry you ( agreed) or your kids right?

No. Nobody should. If you find out someone had a schizophrenic parent, you should most definitely avoid marrying them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

+1 Not to mention, people with diagnosed mental illness who seek treatment from a professional and comply with their meds are actually (IMO) far more stable and honest and reliable than the people with undiagnosed mental illness who are convinced they're fine and think it's "weak" to see a psychiatrist.

And mental illness is a broad category. Most people have at some point in their life suffered at least a mild form of a mental illness (not all mental illnesses are chronic and lasting). PPD is a mental illness, but it is treatable and usually temporary (if the person gets treatment).

Furthermore, there are plenty of mental illnesses that really don't manifest until there is a triggering episode, like a death in the family, job loss, having a baby. It's virtually impossible to tell while dating or even in the early stages of living with someone whether or not a huge life change will trigger mental illness.

The only thing you can tell when dating with someone is whether or not they have a hangup about seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist or whether they think that it's "weak" to suffer from a mental illness. IMO, those are the people to avoid marrying because they are the ones who will refuse to seek treatment if they ever have an issue. They're also the ones who will usually refuse counseling when there is an issue in the marriage. They tend to be the ones who are also oblivious to their own quirks and issues and, because of that lack of self-awareness, are difficult to deal with when there's an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

I live lived a hellish childhood with a schizophenic mother. Back then families hid mental illness and so I am sure my father didn't know what he was getting into.

NO, NO, NO, never should you marry or have kids with someone with a mental health history unless you are a fool.

So no one should marry you ( agreed) or your kids right?

No. Nobody should. If you find out someone had a schizophrenic parent, you should most definitely avoid marrying them.

Yu would should just lock all those deplorables up. Right?

Actually that's too much money for the typical human lifespan. Once diagnosed we should euthanize them that way they don't have the chance to inflict any kind of trouble or pain on anyone.
Hopefully science develops enough in the near future where we can sort this during prenatal testing and abort as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

+1 Not to mention, people with diagnosed mental illness who seek treatment from a professional and comply with their meds are actually (IMO) far more stable and honest and reliable than the people with undiagnosed mental illness who are convinced they're fine and think it's "weak" to see a psychiatrist.

And mental illness is a broad category. Most people have at some point in their life suffered at least a mild form of a mental illness (not all mental illnesses are chronic and lasting). PPD is a mental illness, but it is treatable and usually temporary (if the person gets treatment).

Furthermore, there are plenty of mental illnesses that really don't manifest until there is a triggering episode, like a death in the family, job loss, having a baby. It's virtually impossible to tell while dating or even in the early stages of living with someone whether or not a huge life change will trigger mental illness.

The only thing you can tell when dating with someone is whether or not they have a hangup about seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist or whether they think that it's "weak" to suffer from a mental illness. IMO, those are the people to avoid marrying because they are the ones who will refuse to seek treatment if they ever have an issue. They're also the ones who will usually refuse counseling when there is an issue in the marriage. They tend to be the ones who are also oblivious to their own quirks and issues and, because of that lack of self-awareness, are difficult to deal with when there's an issue.

Hallelujah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

If you care about your kids, you will not stigmatize the mental illness. Instead, teach your kids there's nothing to be ashamed about seeing a mental health professional. There's no shame in seeking treatment, in taking meds.

If you continue to view mental illness as a red flag and a horrible thing, your kids will pick up on that and if they do ever have symptoms of a mental illness, they won't seek treatment, they won't develop healthy coping mechanisms, etc.

The issue isn't mental illness. It's whether the person is self-aware, seeks treatment, takes responsibility and ownership of their mental health, takes meds if necessary, etc.

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid OP is the person with a diagnosed mental illness, and so it pains me to say this, but no, I personally would not marry a partner with anything in the DSM.

My perspective is that of a person who married and then was divorced from a man with a basic, very common mental disorder (nothing dramatic or rare). I'm also in health care and consult every week on patients admitted to inpatient behavioral health units in hospitals. I have immense compassion for and understanding of people with bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, anxiety etc. I want all my tax dollars earmarked to study and treat these diseases. I have a child with a (for now) mild form of one of these diseases.

And ***given the choice,*** I would not attempt to set up a life and procreate with a person with any of these disorders, knowing what I know and have already own lived.

Your child has a a high chance of developing a mental health disorder, so you are saying your kid is not deserving of love and marriage.

You don't want your tax dollars to help people you want them to build institutions so people can be locked away and you don't have to think about them.

Your reading comprehension really sucks. The poster already has a child with a mental disorder. Today Not "a high chance of developing" one sometime later.

She says she wants adequate funding for treatment and research. Nobody is talking about involuntary commitment of people to "institutions" with "locks." Are you able to tell the difference between these two concepts? It's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who actually works with the mentally ill as a profession. This may be over your head though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid OP is the person with a diagnosed mental illness, and so it pains me to say this, but no, I personally would not marry a partner with anything in the DSM.

My perspective is that of a person who married and then was divorced from a man with a basic, very common mental disorder (nothing dramatic or rare). I'm also in health care and consult every week on patients admitted to inpatient behavioral health units in hospitals. I have immense compassion for and understanding of people with bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, anxiety etc. I want all my tax dollars earmarked to study and treat these diseases. I have a child with a (for now) mild form of one of these diseases.

And ***given the choice,*** I would not attempt to set up a life and procreate with a person with any of these disorders, knowing what I know and have already own lived.

Your child has a a high chance of developing a mental health disorder, so you are saying your kid is not deserving of love and marriage.

You don't want your tax dollars to help people you want them to build institutions so people can be locked away and you don't have to think about them.

Your reading comprehension really sucks. The poster already has a child with a mental disorder. Today Not "a high chance of developing" one sometime later.

She says she wants adequate funding for treatment and research. Nobody is talking about involuntary commitment of people to "institutions" with "locks." Are you able to tell the difference between these two concepts? It's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who actually works with the mentally ill as a profession. This may be over your head though

I read exactly what she wrote, but her attitude is that of someone who thinks people should be committed. Take your condescenion elsewhere.