Cut off relatives want to "come back"

[Anonymous]

OP here. Umm, there's another set of grandparents who could've taken those kids for 2 days. And they, btw, offered to take them, only for SIL to throw a tantrum "I don't go anywhere without my children." No one else had an issue. People found a way and those who couldn't, politely declined. They didn't send me e-mails the night before my wedding telling me how selfish I was, how I would die alone, bla-bla-bla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You stopped talking to your own brother for 6 years because of a nastygram email? How about talk about what happened and try to fix it.

I didn't grow up around cousins and I sure missed it, stop holding a grudge.

+1. This seems super excessive and not worthy of disowning family over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

Wow, you sound like a real peach OP. I wouldn't want my kids around you if I was your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

You sound awful. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

Wow, you sound like a real peach OP. I wouldn't want my kids around you if I was your brother.

Yeah, it's obviously in everyone's best interest if you don't reconcile with your brother. You're a ball of irrational anger toward them .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Umm, there's another set of grandparents who could've taken those kids for 2 days. And they, btw, offered to take them, only for SIL to throw a tantrum "I don't go anywhere without my children." No one else had an issue. People found a way and those who couldn't, politely declined. They didn't send me e-mails the night before my wedding telling me how selfish I was, how I would die alone, bla-bla-bla.

Do you realize that not all sets of grandparents are capable of taking care of three kids under five for more than a few hours let alone days. Just because her parents offered doesn't mean it's a good idea (for the kids or for the grandparents). Please keep trying to justify your bad behavior--my popcorn is ready to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

I think it's clear that you should maintain distance for everyone's sake.

[Anonymous]

So she doesn't want her DC to grow up around rude and obnoxious people and that makes her a bad person?

I sense the OP just got fed up and called it quits.

[Anonymous]

You have a new chapter in your life with a baby, so do something different. drop the grudge and try again, start a new chapter.

If you don't like them still by what they are doing with or for you currently, then, don't meet with them again. The chances are you will not like your interactions with them because you already hated them before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

So why did you bother posting this then? Just do what you want. It's clear you have a major grudge and are unwilling to let it go. Fwiw- I agree with the PPs that you are not without blame for this situation, but until you see that it's pointless to try to resolve things with your brother.

This. Yes, the brother and SIL acted ungraciously, but Christ on a cracker, that was how long ago? OP's reaction was to cut them off and hold a grudge for years. And when her SIL sent a perfectly normal message congratulating her on the birth of a child, OP interprets it in the worst possible way. OP, making an effort to develop a minimally polite and civil relationship with your brother and SIL is not a favor you are bestowing on them, or a prize they have to earn. Lots of people have differences with their siblings or other family members, and most of them can still manage to say hello at family events. You are not the innocent victim here--indeed, you sound pretty toxic yourself. You have made a choice to nurture anger and resentment for years instead of putting things in perspective. You will probably never be close to your brother, but you could accept an overture and be at least polite and gracious in response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have relatives like this. Some changes for the better, some didn't.

They want their children to have relationships with their cousins.


Tbf a destination wedding where immediate family kids are not allowed really sucks. Were they supposed to leave their children with strangers?

Of course the nasty gram was unwarranted, but I wouldn't bring it up. Keep your expectations very low and if they cross a line, leave.

Seriously. A destination wedding but no kids invited? That's a big cost to hire overnight sitters for 2 plus days.

I would say, for your parent's sake and your kid's sake, try to mend fences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

Those several friends spent hundreds extra on care costs. Now that you have a child, you will soon learn how pricey it is for parents to go do stuff without kids, whether date night or attend a destination wedding.

Frankly, destination weddings are so selfish. You know the guests foot part of your wedding costs because so many stay at your eesort, right?

Your brother may have his faults but you are not perfect either. You cut him off for the wedding thing. Now that many Anonymous people are giving you a different perspective and being sympathetic to your brother, don't you think it's time to let go and forgive your brother's family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

Those several friends spent hundreds extra on care costs. Now that you have a child, you will soon learn how pricey it is for parents to go do stuff without kids, whether date night or attend a destination wedding.

Frankly, destination weddings are so selfish. You know the guests foot part of your wedding costs because so many stay at your eesort, right?

Your brother may have his faults but you are not perfect either. You cut him off for the wedding thing. Now that many Anonymous people are giving you a different perspective and being sympathetic to your brother, don't you think it's time to let go and forgive your brother's family?

I don't know why everyone is dumping on OP. First, she is completely within her rights to have the wedding she wants. No one HAS to go to weddings. Her brother could have brought the kids and found a sitter for the time of the reception, I doubt the resort staff has never heard of nannies. A few hours with a sitter is not a big deal. If it IS a big deal, they could have just declined politely. Sending an angry email is out of line.

Now, I'm all for mending fences, but usually when I try to mend fences with someone I've gone off at a few years ago, I would at least preface it by some sort of acknowledgment. Like, "I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately but..." or "I know we've said some angry things in the past, and I apologize for that, but I would really like to be..." etc. But not pretend that it didn't happen.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Btw, I have several close friends who declined to come to my wedding because they had very young babies. I understood completely and it did not affect my relationship with them in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you love your parents? Think about the fact that no one gives a crap about your wedding anymore, but your parents will age and you will have to work with your brother to take care of them. Are you going to be a mensch?

You clearly have some anger to let go. It truly doesn't sound like the infraction was worth all this.

+100

Try thinking about someone other than yourself... like your parents.