Cut off relatives want to "come back"

[Anonymous]

I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps they are just relatives whose views have softened with the passage of time.

OP, you only have one family, and you only have one shot at the life you have. As a favor to your own family, and to your brother's family, why not try to bring them into your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps they are just relatives whose views have softened with the passage of time.

OP, you only have one family, and you only have one shot at the life you have. As a favor to your own family, and to your brother's family, why not try to bring them into your life?

OP: because they are self-entitled and selfish people. They only think about their convenience and how they appear to the public. Do you know why they threw a fit about their kids not being in the wedding? "What would OUR friends think?" I visit our parents all the time. They are frequently there at family gatherings. Not once, in 6 years, has either my brother or SIL, let alone their "well-mannered" children said as much as a hello to me. They either look away or stare into their phones. Why I would someone like that near my child?

[Anonymous]

OP - do you love your parents? Think about the fact that no one gives a crap about your wedding anymore, but your parents will age and you will have to work with your brother to take care of them. Are you going to be a mensch?

You clearly have some anger to let go. It truly doesn't sound like the infraction was worth all this.

[Anonymous]

She's offering an olive branch. You can choose to accept it, or go on living with your grudge.

Frankly, when I'm going to be seeing people again and again over the course of the next few decades, I try to mend fences. It makes the experiences more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

I have relatives like this. Some changes for the better, some didn't.

They want their children to have relationships with their cousins.


Tbf a destination wedding where immediate family kids are not allowed really sucks. Were they supposed to leave their children with strangers?

Of course the nasty gram was unwarranted, but I wouldn't bring it up. Keep your expectations very low and if they cross a line, leave.

[Anonymous]

These people only give you advice from a book (turn your other cheek). They have no experience in family dysfunctionality.
Your issue has not been resolved (no apology, no make up). If you let them back in your life, drama will start at the next event, whenever it might be.
Or you could ask yourself this question, WWJD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's offering an olive branch. You can choose to accept it, or go on living with your grudge.

Frankly, when I'm going to be seeing people again and again over the course of the next few decades, I try to mend fences. It makes the experiences more enjoyable.

This. Just be civil. You don't have to be best friends.

[Anonymous]

They are the type who always put their children first and always include their chidren. They feel that now that you have a child that you will understand become like them. They think that you will also have your universe revolve around your new child and you'll get along better. Give it try but don't expect them to be any different.

[Anonymous]

You stopped talking to your own brother for 6 years because of a nastygram email? How about talk about what happened and try to fix it.

I didn't grow up around cousins and I sure missed it, stop holding a grudge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

Honestly, it sounds like you are all a bunch of children. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have relatives like this. Some changes for the better, some didn't.

They want their children to have relationships with their cousins.


Tbf a destination wedding where immediate family kids are not allowed really sucks. Were they supposed to leave their children with strangers?

Of course the nasty gram was unwarranted, but I wouldn't bring it up. Keep your expectations very low and if they cross a line, leave.

In that situation, normal people graciously decline and simply send a gift. It should not be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

Honestly, it sounds like you are all a bunch of children. Grow up.

+1

"For whatever reason, my parents told my brother" - Um were you expecting them to keep it w a secret for your whole life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You stopped talking to your own brother for 6 years because of a nastygram email? How about talk about what happened and try to fix it.

I didn't grow up around cousins and I sure missed it, stop holding a grudge.

+1. My oldest sister can be an epic pain sometimes (and once sent me a rip roaring email telling me how awful I was and cc'd the entire family). She never apologized but I let it go because it isn't worth my energy to hold onto anger at her OR cause a familial rift over a flippin email!

[Anonymous]

Op cares enough to write this

Odd family