Cut off relatives want to "come back"

[Anonymous]

I would not agree to see them. Same drama different day.

[Anonymous]

I always give second and third chances, OP.
Especially if they're impulsive people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

How is your child their sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have allowed your nieces and nephews to come.

I agree. I couldn't imagine my sister not inviting my children to her wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have allowed your nieces and nephews to come.

I agree. I couldn't imagine my sister not inviting my children to her wedding.

[phone]

Bridezilla, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have allowed your nieces and nephews to come.

I agree. I couldn't imagine my sister not inviting my children to her wedding.

[phone]

Bridezilla, let it go.

That's the reason not to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have allowed your nieces and nephews to come.

I agree. I couldn't imagine my sister not inviting my children to her wedding.

Plenty of people do no child weddings. Just because you don't doesn't mean you get to insist on bringing your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

Honestly, it sounds like you are all a bunch of children. Grow up.

+1

"For whatever reason, my parents told my brother" - Um were you expecting them to keep it w a secret for your whole life?

That jumped out at me, too. Of course your parents told your brother that you had a baby. Seriously.

OP, it sounds like whatever these people do, you are going to interpret it in the most negative light possible. Maybe your SIL was just writing a nice congratulatory note. Maybe her kids really are excited at the idea of having a cousin. But your presence isn't some giant gift that people feel "entitled" to. Really, get over yourself. She was just being polite. You, on the other hand, cut your brother and his family out of your life over one incident. And held a grudge for years. Probably no one else even remembers your wedding. Either respond politely or let it go, but get over yourself.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had a good relationship with my only brother, we didn't care much about each other when we were kids. A few years ago I was getting married, I decided "what the heck, I'll invite him to the wedding. Sure, we only talk on each other's birthdays, but what the heck?" Now our invitation said "no children" and my fiance and I really meant "no children." Brother and SIL threw a huge tantrum, saying that I was mean and I was only excluding their three children. Who, may I add, at that time were all under the age of 5. DH's nieces and nephews also were "excluded" but no one had a fit and parents were very understanding. This was a destination wedding, relatively small. They ended up not coming, sent me a really mean nastygram via e-mail, so I blocked them from our lives.

Couples months ago DH and I had our first child. For whatever reason, my parents told my brother. Out of the blue, SIL writes me this very sugar-y e-mail saying how much she has missed "us" and that the children cannot wait to meet their new sibling. No apologies whatsoever for the nastygram they sent us. Now I haven't talked to these people in 6 years. We did a good job avoiding each other at family gatherings. Their children don't say hello to me when I visit my parents. So I am trying to understand the mentality of "why now? why do you want to meet my child?" Who are these self-entitled people?

Sorry for the vent.

So you're expecting children to manage your relationship with them??? THEY should be the ones to initiate and carry on a conversation with an aunt who dismisses their entire family over one incident and who avoids them at any family gathering.
Got it.
You're Koo Koo for CoCoa PUffs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have allowed your nieces and nephews to come.

I agree. I couldn't imagine my sister not inviting my children to her wedding.

[phone]

Bridezilla, let it go.

Exactly. You "invited" your brother and his wife to a destination wedding knowing full well that they had 3 young kids and your brother's side of the family was all going to be at this destination wedding. Who exactly was your brother supposed to leave his 3 kids with? That was not really a sincere invite, was it? You would have been fine if he and his family had not come at all. That sucks of you, Op.

Maybe now that you have a baby of your own you'll begin to see his point of view more clearly. Or not.

They've extended an olive branch to you and you don't want to accept it. That's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the type who always put their children first and always include their chidren. They feel that now that you have a child that you will understand become like them. They think that you will also have your universe revolve around your new child and you'll get along better. Give it try but don't expect them to be any different.

This! I'm assuming your SIL wants to sweep past bad behavior under the rug so your child can buddy up with hus/her cousins.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

Were your friend's families all in attendance at your wedding? You had your brother's side of the family at your wedding - who was he supposed to ask to watch his kids? You think he should have gone through the expense of paying for airfare to this lovely destination and left his kids behind with a paid sitter? Or maybe he should have come alone and left his wife at home with the kids?

Bridezilla - ROAR!!! STOMP!!! STOMP!!! STOMP!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, just admit that you didn't want your brother there at all.

You "invited" him but not really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had several friends at our wedding who already had kids and guess what, they found a way to NOT bring their kids to the wedding. Destination wedding is "low class"? Really? Then so is a wedding in your grandma's backyard.

My parents are well aware that my brother and I don't get a long. We are very, very different and have different family values. Like...when our father is in the hospital with a heart attack, maybe, just maybe you should come and visit him? Or if your parents loan your the money for car repairs, maybe, just maybe you should repay your two elderly parents? Or at least say "thanks, guys?"

I don't see their kids as "siblings" for my child. They are spoiled and ill-mannered. They are rude and obnoxious. Why would I want my kid around someone like that?

So why did you bother posting this then? Just do what you want. It's clear you have a major grudge and are unwilling to let it go. Fwiw- I agree with the PPs that you are not without blame for this situation, but until you see that it's pointless to try to resolve things with your brother.