Referring to the father of your child inclusively

[Anonymous]

How do you know she meant "we" as in "me and DS's father?" Maybe she meant herself and her parents, friends, siblings, and community. Maybe this is kid is so amazing in her mother's eyes that she meant the ENTIRE UNIVERSE? WE HAVE ALL BEEN BLESSED BY MY CHILD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

It is petty. I don't have much respect for this woman because she's using the child support to stay at home and bankroll her lifestyle while her kids are in school full time. It's frustrating that my brother is holding up his end of the bargain but it's never enough for her.

Here is the thing: my brother is not a responsible person in his personal life. He's been notoriously single and hasn't had positive relationships. She knew this going in but wanted him to change. I think she expected him to change once she got pregnant and he didn't, in fact it may have gotten worse. I suspect she had feelings for him and wanted more than a one night stand but he couldn't give that to her so she's resentful and takes it out on him by calling him a deadbeat.

That being said, I've been judgemental. I only know my brothers side of the story. My niece is pretty awesome and I may feel differently if I put in effort to developing a relationship with the mother of his child.

Op I'm not sure you understand the meaning of one night stand. Do you seriously think she tracked her fertility then seduced him and got him to sleep with her once while she happened to be fertile? Not impossible but highly unlikely. I think your brother is not telling you the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Larlo sends child support and has a lawyer write to larla and tell her to buzz off.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a miserable, insufferable person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo is my brother. He deals with a lot of drama from her. I personally think it's odd that she regularly blasts him on social media but refers to him as "we" when she wants. This is her second child, different fathers.

Maybe she means "we" as in her and her new partner. Or her and her parents. Or her and the world. "We" doesn't necessarily mean Larlo.

"We" could mean everyone who cares about the child. Which obviously doesn't include you.
Even if she's a leech, which you seem to feel, the child is here. Facebook is not the pinnacle of reality and life's meaning. Who gives a crap what she posts?

[Anonymous]

He works hard to support his child and visits when he can. I bet he has to put up with a lot of unpleasantness in these visits too. So what more do people expect from him?

In any case not your business, OP.

[Anonymous]

4200 a month is not a lot!!! How the heck is he bank rolling anything???? That's basically what I made when I was a teacher with no kids!!! That's not a ton of money so I'm confused why you are so upset by this? Is his daughter not worth a measly teacher salary? I thought you said he was a high earner? If so then that's a bargain! You're putting a lot of blame on the mother. It's really sad. Of course it's a we! It doesn't matter that they aren't in a relationship they made that baby together! I think she was being nice including him. I think rather than be so concerned about your brother paying child support you should be concerned with the fact your brother isn't there for his daughter and she obviously has a horrible aunt! Disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4200 a month is not a lot!!! How the heck is he bank rolling anything???? That's basically what I made when I was a teacher with no kids!!! That's not a ton of money so I'm confused why you are so upset by this? Is his daughter not worth a measly teacher salary? I thought you said he was a high earner? If so then that's a bargain! You're putting a lot of blame on the mother. It's really sad. Of course it's a we! It doesn't matter that they aren't in a relationship they made that baby together! I think she was being nice including him. I think rather than be so concerned about your brother paying child support you should be concerned with the fact your brother isn't there for his daughter and she obviously has a horrible aunt! Disgusting!

NP here but child support is post tax so yeah $4,200 is a ton of money especially when it doesn't include any daycare expenses. We're happily married but we don't spend anywhere near that much on our own child on a pre or post-tax basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4200 a month is not a lot!!! How the heck is he bank rolling anything???? That's basically what I made when I was a teacher with no kids!!! That's not a ton of money so I'm confused why you are so upset by this? Is his daughter not worth a measly teacher salary? I thought you said he was a high earner? If so then that's a bargain! You're putting a lot of blame on the mother. It's really sad. Of course it's a we! It doesn't matter that they aren't in a relationship they made that baby together! I think she was being nice including him. I think rather than be so concerned about your brother paying child support you should be concerned with the fact your brother isn't there for his daughter and she obviously has a horrible aunt! Disgusting!

Child support isn't supposed to be a grand total of the mother's income. It's a sum of money earmarked to support the child, not finance her entire existence. You shouldn't compare it to your salary. Child support is not meant to equal one's salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4200 a month is not a lot!!! How the heck is he bank rolling anything???? That's basically what I made when I was a teacher with no kids!!! That's not a ton of money so I'm confused why you are so upset by this? Is his daughter not worth a measly teacher salary? I thought you said he was a high earner? If so then that's a bargain! You're putting a lot of blame on the mother. It's really sad. Of course it's a we! It doesn't matter that they aren't in a relationship they made that baby together! I think she was being nice including him. I think rather than be so concerned about your brother paying child support you should be concerned with the fact your brother isn't there for his daughter and she obviously has a horrible aunt! Disgusting!

NP here but child support is post tax so yeah $4,200 is a ton of money especially when it doesn't include any daycare expenses. We're happily married but we don't spend anywhere near that much on our own child on a pre or post-tax basis.

I agree it is a lot but it isn't enough for a SAHM mom of two to be living large on in the DMV. I mean certainly comfortably, but its not like she's vacationing on yachts with a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4200 a month is not a lot!!! How the heck is he bank rolling anything???? That's basically what I made when I was a teacher with no kids!!! That's not a ton of money so I'm confused why you are so upset by this? Is his daughter not worth a measly teacher salary? I thought you said he was a high earner? If so then that's a bargain! You're putting a lot of blame on the mother. It's really sad. Of course it's a we! It doesn't matter that they aren't in a relationship they made that baby together! I think she was being nice including him. I think rather than be so concerned about your brother paying child support you should be concerned with the fact your brother isn't there for his daughter and she obviously has a horrible aunt! Disgusting!

NP here but child support is post tax so yeah $4,200 is a ton of money especially when it doesn't include any daycare expenses. We're happily married but we don't spend anywhere near that much on our own child on a pre or post-tax basis.

I agree it is a lot but it isn't enough for a SAHM mom of two to be living large on in the DMV. I mean certainly comfortably, but its not like she's vacationing on yachts with a nanny.

I agree you can't live large on this but the thing is that OP's brother is NOT responsible for maintaining her. He is responsible for child support, which he pays, and it's way more than most moms receive. It's her choice to stay home and treat child support as her only source of income. Child support is meant to supplement her income, not replace it. With two school-aged kids, she certainly isn't chained to the nursery. Plus only one of these kids is OP's brother's, so why are that kid's expenses his problem? Mom needs to get a job.

[Anonymous]

He was just as much responsible to use birth control. Doesn't matter if she did or didn't. You can't trap someone unless you force them to have unprotected sex. It's not a woman's job to use birth control for the man. We do it for ourselves or don't do it, or forget some days. If a man doesn't want kids he will get a vasectomy or use a condom every time he has sex. I don't know why so many brainwashed women think it's their job to wear safety belts for the man. Time for that to stop. He's going to pay for a long time, how that one works.

She needs to move on and be thankful she has a lovely child. The man means nothing, the child will be there for life and grand kids someday. Hopefully that guy learns about using protection or takes a sex ed class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I see "we" as tacky. There was never a "them" to begin with. She's trying to force some semblance of amicability but it's far from the reality.

She quit her job once the child support was established. Both her kids are in school FT and they have split custody. He pays child support and has an ad-hoc schedule for visits due to his work.. She is trying to convince him to quit his job so that he can be around the child more often (he travels extensively for work and spends time between three states.)

What he's doing already isn't enough for her. I think it's a little ridiculous he's paying her an excess of $4200/month plus pays for her health insurance and visiting when he can for an arrangement he didn't ask for. Yet she continues to blast him but play nice when he plays by her rules.

They are a "WE" because they are a family now and will be for life. These are called choices. THEY will likely have grand children someday too and child support is calc by the court by a % of wages. Apparently this is what it came too. She is obviously a over sharer which seems to be the big problem. Perhaps someone could point that out to her in a nice way. Or is next time she blasts him nicely tell her how lucky she really is, many have it far worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

It is petty. I don't have much respect for this woman because she's using the child support to stay at home and bankroll her lifestyle while her kids are in school full time. It's frustrating that my brother is holding up his end of the bargain but it's never enough for her.

Here is the thing: my brother is not a responsible person in his personal life. He's been notoriously single and hasn't had positive relationships. She knew this going in but wanted him to change. I think she expected him to change once she got pregnant and he didn't, in fact it may have gotten worse. I suspect she had feelings for him and wanted more than a one night stand but he couldn't give that to her so she's resentful and takes it out on him by calling him a deadbeat.

That being said, I've been judgmental. I only know my brothers side of the story. My niece is pretty awesome and I may feel differently if I put in effort to developing a relationship with the mother of his child.

You admit that your brother is irresponsible and bad at relationships, but you dump all the judgment on the mother of his child. Even knowing that you only know one side of the story.

And who cares whether or not she works? He pays her the child support he owes. He's going to owe her the same amount whether or not she works. It's not like she's living large on $50,000 a year. I don't know what she was earning before and it's not clear how old your brother's kid is, but daycare eats up a ton of money. If her salary before wasn't very high, then child care expenses could eat up the money.

And the stuff about her feelings is all speculation. Just stop. The relationship is between her and your brother. They have to work this out, and frankly, this sounds like a situation where neither party is blame-free. Maybe she really liked him, had a ONS because she really liked him and not for some nefarious motive, and she's hurt and frustrated that he's rarely around. Maybe he promised things he didn't deliver or expressed feelings that weren't real. Maybe she made a mistake and now she's doing the best she can. Maybe she's just immature, not calculating.

[Anonymous]

OP your first sentence says it all. Larlo got Larla pregnant . . .he's responsible for his actions. I feel sorry for the child having you as an aunt.