Referring to the father of your child inclusively

[Anonymous]

Got to be one of the pettiest gripes I've ever come across.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

It is petty. I don't have much respect for this woman because she's using the child support to stay at home and bankroll her lifestyle while her kids are in school full time. It's frustrating that my brother is holding up his end of the bargain but it's never enough for her.

Here is the thing: my brother is not a responsible person in his personal life. He's been notoriously single and hasn't had positive relationships. She knew this going in but wanted him to change. I think she expected him to change once she got pregnant and he didn't, in fact it may have gotten worse. I suspect she had feelings for him and wanted more than a one night stand but he couldn't give that to her so she's resentful and takes it out on him by calling him a deadbeat.

That being said, I've been judgemental. I only know my brothers side of the story. My niece is pretty awesome and I may feel differently if I put in effort to developing a relationship with the mother of his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

It is petty. I don't have much respect for this woman because she's using the child support to stay at home and bankroll her lifestyle while her kids are in school full time. It's frustrating that my brother is holding up his end of the bargain but it's never enough for her.

Here is the thing: my brother is not a responsible person in his personal life. He's been notoriously single and hasn't had positive relationships. She knew this going in but wanted him to change. I think she expected him to change once she got pregnant and he didn't, in fact it may have gotten worse. I suspect she had feelings for him and wanted more than a one night stand but he couldn't give that to her so she's resentful and takes it out on him by calling him a deadbeat.

That being said, I've been judgemental. I only know my brothers side of the story. My niece is pretty awesome and I may feel differently if I put in effort to developing a relationship with the mother of his child.

Here's the thing: your brother is not holding up his end of the bargain. The "bargain" is not with this child's mother, it is wth his child.

OP, are you a parent? I can't imagine you are because I can't believe that any parent really believes that the only responsibility the other parent has to their child is to hand over some cash and show up occassionally. I have a very traditional household, and while I work full time, my DH works crazy hours and makes more money. But even though he provides well, I give him hell if he isn't making an effort to connect with our DCs. So he has to work late and won't be home until after bedtime? he better make 5 min to FaceTime with them at dinner. He is on work travel? He better call to say good morning before they go t school.

You and your brother need to stop focusing on how this woman "did him wrong" and start focusing on making it right with his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larlo is my brother. He deals with a lot of drama from her. I personally think it's odd that she regularly blasts him on social media but refers to him as "we" when she wants. This is her second child, different fathers.

I think it's interesting that you immediately defend brother Larlo, but call out Larla, who "unexpectedly" got pregnant. Really? Is Larlo so dumb that he didn't know that Larla might get pregnant if they had sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

It is petty. I don't have much respect for this woman because she's using the child support to stay at home and bankroll her lifestyle while her kids are in school full time. It's frustrating that my brother is holding up his end of the bargain but it's never enough for her.

Here is the thing: my brother is not a responsible person in his personal life. He's been notoriously single and hasn't had positive relationships. She knew this going in but wanted him to change. I think she expected him to change once she got pregnant and he didn't, in fact it may have gotten worse. I suspect she had feelings for him and wanted more than a one night stand but he couldn't give that to her so she's resentful and takes it out on him by calling him a deadbeat.

That being said, I've been judgemental. I only know my brothers side of the story. My niece is pretty awesome and I may feel differently if I put in effort to developing a relationship with the mother of his child.

Here's the thing: your brother is not holding up his end of the bargain. The "bargain" is not with this child's mother, it is wth his child.

OP, are you a parent? I can't imagine you are because I can't believe that any parent really believes that the only responsibility the other parent has to their child is to hand over some cash and show up occassionally. I have a very traditional household, and while I work full time, my DH works crazy hours and makes more money. But even though he provides well, I give him hell if he isn't making an effort to connect with our DCs. So he has to work late and won't be home until after bedtime? he better make 5 min to FaceTime with them at dinner. He is on work travel? He better call to say good morning before they go t school.

You and your brother need to stop focusing on how this woman "did him wrong" and start focusing on making it right with his child.

He literally cannot. He works away for 1-2 months at a time and will spend days with the when he's home. He makes the effort to call and FaceTime when he's away.

He can't quit his job. It's his own consulting business and he is often overseas. She also knew this going in what his work was like.

[Anonymous]

Would you rather she totally omit your brother's name/existence from her social media activities and pretend like he doesn't exist?
Like she's this hard-working mom doing it all by herself?
I bet if she did the total opposite and used the pronouns "I" and "me" exclusively as if your brother wasn't basically her meal ticket you'd be even more perturbed.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you hear yourself? Basically, this woman "roped your brother" in to supporting her, yet she wants him to quit to be a more involved parent?!?! That doesn't even make any sense.

And can you imagine if your own child was crying every night for their daddy? wanting to see their father? Maybe this woman is being the voice for her child. You are crazy for the way you're viewing this.

Like the others have said, your brother made this baby. This girl NEVER asked to be born. Yet you think somehow he's now paying some kind of price? being saddled with a burden? You look any little kid in the eye and tell them that they are saddling their parent and are a burden. YOu are awful

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll. Are there really people like this?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're coming off pretty tacky and sad yourself.

I'm hoping this is a troll. Not just because OP is being unnecessarily nasty to the mother of her niece, whose main gripe with the brother being that she wishes he spent more time with his child. But because if this isn't a troll, OP seems pretty miserable in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I see "we" as tacky. There was never a "them" to begin with. She's trying to force some semblance of amicability but it's far from the reality.

She quit her job once the child support was established. Both her kids are in school FT and they have split custody. He pays child support and has an ad-hoc schedule for visits due to his work.. She is trying to convince him to quit his job so that he can be around the child more often (he travels extensively for work and spends time between three states.)

What he's doing already isn't enough for her. I think it's a little ridiculous he's paying her an excess of $4200/month plus pays for her health insurance and visiting when he can for an arrangement he didn't ask for. Yet she continues to blast him but play nice when he plays by her rules.

What's really tacky is not being involved in your child's life and using work travel as an excuse.

She is using "we" because she wants him to *gasp* be more involved in his kid's life. How horrible.

If he quit his job, he would not be able to find a similar paying job in his area.

It's a child he didn't ask for. He obliges with the child support and visits but he can't quit his job without suffering a serious pay cut. That's not fair to him to expect him to adjust his life completley. Maybe if they were married or actually in a relationship but she chose to have the baby after he told her he wasn't ready and didn't want to be a father. Fatherhood should not be a punishment.

He doesn't get to tell her to have an abortion because he's not ready. That's not his decision to make. The point at which he had a decision about whether or not a baby results from sex was when he decided to either USE A CONDOM or put his pants on and leave. He chose to have sex without protection, and as conservatives are so fond of saying, if you don't want the responsibility of raising a child, keep your legs together. Otherwise, take some responsibility for the child you created.

As for the bolded, maybe it's not fair to him, but what's actually not fair is that he fathered a child he didn't want in the first place and is now not involved in her life so that he can travel for work. It's also unfair that that little girl has an aunt who cares more about her brother being inconvenienced by a child that he fathered all on his own than the child that he's ignoring.

+1

I'm also getting the vibe that sis believes that this child's mother and her family situation is beneath her brother and family. She is embarrassed to be connected to them. Gross.
It's not the child and mother that are the problem here. Money cannot buy decency and class. Stop clutching your pearls about pointless drama on social media and focus on being a decent human being to YOUR NIECE.

[Anonymous]

Also stop trying to manage your brother's relationships. He's a grown man and that is creepy and enmeshed. I hope he has a better opinion of HIS CHILD, then you seem have of her and her mother. She deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larlo is my brother. He deals with a lot of drama from her. I personally think it's odd that she regularly blasts him on social media but refers to him as "we" when she wants. This is her second child, different fathers.

They are both idiots. You need to butt out

[Anonymous]

Of course it's "we." What else would it be? Divine intervention? Find a real problem, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I see "we" as tacky. There was never a "them" to begin with. She's trying to force some semblance of amicability but it's far from the reality.

She quit her job once the child support was established. Both her kids are in school FT and they have split custody. He pays child support and has an ad-hoc schedule for visits due to his work.. She is trying to convince him to quit his job so that he can be around the child more often (he travels extensively for work and spends time between three states.)

What he's doing already isn't enough for her. I think it's a little ridiculous he's paying her an excess of $4200/month plus pays for her health insurance and visiting when he can for an arrangement he didn't ask for. Yet she continues to blast him but play nice when he plays by her rules.

Why do you think you know so much about their business? You sound like an absolute delight to be around

[Anonymous]

Send your brother a box of condoms on his birthday and you won't have to deal with these situations.