Husband is not interested in being an uncle ... ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Does he have any right to be upset when I ask him to buy things for my niece? When we were shopping the other day, he was shopping for himself and while he was at the register I added two more items for her. He got mad at me afterwards. The same thing happened last week while we were at the grocery store. I felt a little attacked.

If money is an issue, then he definitely has a reason to be upset. You feel attacked? How much money are you earning, if you are earning plenty and using that, then spend the money. Quite frankly, he would have no reason to get upset if money was not an issue, but it clearly must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Does he have any right to be upset when I ask him to buy things for my niece? When we were shopping the other day, he was shopping for himself and while he was at the register I added two more items for her. He got mad at me afterwards. The same thing happened last week while we were at the grocery store. I felt a little attacked.

If money is an issue, then he definitely has a reason to be upset. You feel attacked? How much money are you earning, if you are earning plenty and using that, then spend the money. Quite frankly, he would have no reason to get upset if money was not an issue, but it clearly must be.

Male here (who pays the lion share of expenses in our relationship w/ wife in grad school, and is generally happy to do so)--sometimes purchases like this are kind of a matter of principle. We are comfortable but not rolling in dough...we have everything we need, and most things we want (within reason...both drive 10+ y/o cars, kitchen isn't updated etc.). If DW says "I was thinking we should get that new blender for our smoothies" sometimes I'll say back in jest "Keep saving your pennies and we can get it in a few months." It's not that we can't afford it, it's that it's not really a necessity and we don't need it right now, and I don't feel like dropping $150 bucks on the blender.

Before going shopping he may have said to himself "I'm going to get a couple of things for me, hopefully spending under $100" and then the two baby items sprung on at the register pushed the total to $130. As a matter of principle, that could be annoying. Also, you've referenced two of these events in the last two weeks (grocery store and shopping for himself)...he may just be getting annoying about things frequently getting sprung on him at the register.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

Yea total BS...OP can't just reach into her own pocket, take out her own credit card, and buy them herself.

[Anonymous]

He sounds completely normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

YOU buy what you want for them. That is fine. But, if the DH is at the store to buy a couple of things for himself, and DW, without asking, just plops two items on the counter, that would piss me off. It is a principle. First, she didn't even discuss it or ask. She just put it on the register, assuming that I would pay for it and also, putting me in a position where I can't say no because it was already sprung on me at the register.

Buy your family whatever you want, but use your money for that nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

I love all the DCUM hags who come out of the wood work talking about what they won't let their husbands get away with... You're probably the same hags who are posting later about how their DH's are having affairs and want divorces.

[Anonymous]

I am a man. I adore my own kids. I am not all that interested in my nieces and nephews - especially on my wife's side of the family. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost one-year old baby niece who I adore. However, DH couldn't care less about her. He doesn't hold her or hug her when near her. He got mad at me the other day while we were out shopping at Macy's and I put a onesie at the register for her when he was paying. My family is very important to me and I'm very close with them, I see my family probably 2-3 times a week and talk to them often on the phone. When I show him pictures of her he may smile but doesn't really seem to care. DH comes over to my parents house maybe once a week and seems to enjoy himself but he doesn't seem to get nearly as excited as I do ...

I honestly feel embarrassed when i'm holding my niece and DH just kind of looks the other way, he makes excuses for not wanting to hold her. Is there any way to make him more engaged? I feel as if he's coming off as rude to my family.

We don't have kids yet. I've asked him about it and got upset because I felt like he just didn't care about my family. He said he would be more interested in his own children - not other peoples. I don't know if this is acceptable to me or not ...

You're very close with your family, and that's great, but it's your family, not DH's. Why would he be as excited as you are?

Have you talked about how much time you spend with your family without DH? You might want to invest more time in your marriage, instead of resenting DH for not being obsessed with your family and trying to change him.

It's perfectly normal to not be super into other people's kids. If that isn't "acceptable" to you, then you should get into counseling before you even think about having children. If you can't accept your DH as an independent person with legitimate feelings and perspectives of his own (especially when they differ from yours!), you're going to have a very hard time staying married and raising children together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

Not to mention it's both their money as in "married". I agree, he sounds like a A hole because it was a onesie which costs like nothing, lol! It's like adding a pack of gum or something...now that's the bigger picture here imo.

I get it's her family so that's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man. I adore my own kids. I am not all that interested in my nieces and nephews - especially on my wife's side of the family. It is what it is.

I am a woman and a mom, I don't have nieces or nephews from my only sibling, and neither my DH and I are adoring nieces and nephews from his side/ I also considered them my nieces and nephews. We like them, we buy Christmas present and are attentive when they visit or we visit, but that's it. I did adore my second niece(from my cousin) when she was a small child, but she was the first in a huge family and I was young and childless myself. I can honestly say that I adore my own kids, am kind and nice to others, but that is all. My sister, childless and middle aged, adores my kids, this might be a childless aunt/uncle thing. I bet you OP comes back in a few years after she has a kid and complains how much money she spend on her niece and now they are doing nothing for her kid. This is how people set themselves up for always being right and always having something to gripe about.

[Anonymous]

I'm not too into non blood family members either. He is literally not related to her-why would he care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

I love all the DCUM hags who come out of the wood work talking about what they won't let their husbands get away with... You're probably the same hags who are posting later about how their DH's are having affairs and want divorces.

Not at all. I just don't see what the damn deal is. If he puts down itebs in checkout himself, whatever. Why get angry over something minuscule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

I love all the DCUM hags who come out of the wood work talking about what they won't let their husbands get away with... You're probably the same hags who are posting later about how their DH's are having affairs and want divorces.

Not at all. I just don't see what the damn deal is. If he puts down itebs in checkout himself, whatever. Why get angry over something minuscule?

Based on how the OP comes off, I bet there is a lot more to it than what she said.

First, she comes off as entitled and selfish. Her putting items at check out - as a husband - I would feel ambushed. She didn't even ask if it as okay, just EXPECTED that I would pay for it. He's probably pissed because this is just her general attitude and he is probably sick of it.

She also asks if he has the RIGHT to be pissed about something, which also indicates her mindset and who she is as a person. If it's not HER way, than something is wrong and the other person doesn't have the right to feel differently about something.

While, the OP has only brought up a couple of examples, I am willing to bet that the DH is just sick and tired of her entitled, selfish attitude and these examples are indicative of a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're paycheck to paycheck, not sure wh6 he'd be bitching about you getting outfits for your niece. I'd never let dh get away with that bs. I have 3 nephews and buy what I want for them.

I love all the DCUM hags who come out of the wood work talking about what they won't let their husbands get away with... You're probably the same hags who are posting later about how their DH's are having affairs and want divorces.

Not at all. I just don't see what the damn deal is. If he puts down itebs in checkout himself, whatever. Why get angry over something minuscule?

Based on how the OP comes off, I bet there is a lot more to it than what she said.

First, she comes off as entitled and selfish. Her putting items at check out - as a husband - I would feel ambushed. She didn't even ask if it as okay, just EXPECTED that I would pay for it. He's probably pissed because this is just her general attitude and he is probably sick of it.

She also asks if he has the RIGHT to be pissed about something, which also indicates her mindset and who she is as a person. If it's not HER way, than something is wrong and the other person doesn't have the right to feel differently about something.

While, the OP has only brought up a couple of examples, I am willing to bet that the DH is just sick and tired of her entitled, selfish attitude and these examples are indicative of a bigger problem.

If they have joint finances, he really doesn't have a reason to be mad about OP buying small gifts for her niece. It's all the other issues OP mentioned - she spends TONS of time with her family, often without DH; she resents him for not being as interested in her niece as she is; she doesn't respect his right to have his own feelings and reactions towards her family, basically - that are the real problem.