Physically heterosexual but male entitlement has ruined it for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a widow at 45. I ask around... To men (and women).

Do you know any nice single guys. Requirement.. He is nice and has a job making at least $65K.

She does not need somebody to support her she has her own money. She has kids, so a nice guy to model good behavior, like being nice and having a job... Cook a meal, doesn't drink too much... Carries his plate to the sink.

Nothing... Nobody.

Men sit and think... Nope.. Not one.

This is not just something women think.

Really, can you think of one person you would set up with your sister?One? That is the test. Do you want this guy banging your sister , raising your nephews/nieces and at your family holidays?

I bet you can't think of 1.

I'm a 52 yo woman working in an IT Department with 600 employees. I actually know a lot of guys that meet your requirements above.

I don't know what your experience is that has made you so bitter. I didn't get married until I was 35. I'd never met someone I wanted to marry before dating DH but I never had your attitude. I just hadn't found the right fit for me. That didn't mean all men were entitled or immature or whatever adjective you ascribe to them. Individuals are a 'package' of traits and I hadn't found the right package yet. And, like with any package, there are some things you don't really want but aren't deal breakers.

You need to realize the probem is you and not 50% of the population. This attitude with stymie you not just personally but professionally. Good luck.

I am a 550 yo women who runs a 600 person iT department, funny.

I am not bitter... Martied at 30, 2 boys playing D1 sports in college getting Stem degrees on scholarship... Life is good. I am a foster mom to 1 more.

When I ask, do you know a man that would like to date a widow with 3 kids.. nobody wants to take that on, maybe when her kids are gone a dude will be willing to date her. She is like kryptonite to single older men.

An ad hominem argument does not make any point, what is you point. My friend can't find a decent man and I am bitter, um okay? Your not a programmer are you because your logic does not compute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male. I have often thought, if it wasn't for the sex part, being gay might not be bad. I would never have to watch old black and white movies again.

I do the cooking, and earn the money (well 95% of it it). I share it...My wife takes care of the day-to-day appointments.

Due to medical constraints, I can no longer to the heavy lifting (e.g., snow shoveling), but....

The problem is you are with guys that never lived on their own. I had to learn to cook, clean, do laundry because from age 20 to 31, I had sole responsibility for my life.

You shack up at 23, there is no living on your own. Sure, you are not getting married young, but....

See how pathetic... Omg you have to watch a movie ... How do you manage?

We are not in Kansas, nobody is shacking up at 23.

You are exactly the guy I want to avoid. Your wife is not a partner, she is just sex you don't have to work for ...and by work I mean be nice, care, actually take pleasure in her interests. You gave turned your wife into a prostitute. You make money, she has sex... Besides sex you'd rather marry a guy.

Trust me, there is no sex . At this point, after 20 years, some of our interests diverged...some have become stronger. I do not enjoy watching old movies every night. I do not see the point of watching something I have seen before. Last night, for example, I was watching the NCAA women's final 4 (UCONN vs Miss State; great game). My wife came in, grabbed the remote, and changed the channel to her show. She commented that I have no attachment to either team so why watch....Fine. I just streamed it on my iPad.

At this point, after 20 years together, I have interest and she has interests. And, in some cases, they over lap. In other cases, things change. For example, until 5 years ago, we loved to take long walks on the beach. I had abdominal surgery that was successful (removed tumor), but left me in constant pain and I can not walk on sand pain free.

You do not spend 20 years without compromise. Frankly, I think that is a word you do not know. If it is not 100% your way, then it is a bad fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male. I have often thought, if it wasn't for the sex part, being gay might not be bad. I would never have to watch old black and white movies again.

I do the cooking, and earn the money (well 95% of it it). I share it...My wife takes care of the day-to-day appointments.

Due to medical constraints, I can no longer to the heavy lifting (e.g., snow shoveling), but....

The problem is you are with guys that never lived on their own. I had to learn to cook, clean, do laundry because from age 20 to 31, I had sole responsibility for my life.

You shack up at 23, there is no living on your own. Sure, you are not getting married young, but....

See how pathetic... Omg you have to watch a movie ... How do you manage?

We are not in Kansas, nobody is shacking up at 23.

You are exactly the guy I want to avoid. Your wife is not a partner, she is just sex you don't have to work for ...and by work I mean be nice, care, actually take pleasure in her interests. You gave turned your wife into a prostitute. You make money, she has sex... Besides sex you'd rather marry a guy.

Trust me, there is no sex . At this point, after 20 years, some of our interests diverged...some have become stronger. I do not enjoy watching old movies every night. I do not see the point of watching something I have seen before. Last night, for example, I was watching the NCAA women's final 4 (UCONN vs Miss State; great game). My wife came in, grabbed the remote, and changed the channel to her show. She commented that I have no attachment to either team so why watch....Fine. I just streamed it on my iPad.

At this point, after 20 years together, I have interest and she has interests. And, in some cases, they over lap. In other cases, things change. For example, until 5 years ago, we loved to take long walks on the beach. I had abdominal surgery that was successful (removed tumor), but left me in constant pain and I can not walk on sand pain free.

You do not spend 20 years without compromise. Frankly, I think that is a word you do not know. If it is not 100% your way, then it is a bad fit.

You just don't get it. I am not going to educate you. Hopefully you were blessed with a daughter and will see it though the eyes of your daughter, it will sadden you and I don't wish Illwill to your child. But some people just can't understand unless they are personally affected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a widow at 45. I ask around... To men (and women).

Do you know any nice single guys. Requirement.. He is nice and has a job making at least $65K.

She does not need somebody to support her she has her own money. She has kids, so a nice guy to model good behavior, like being nice and having a job... Cook a meal, doesn't drink too much... Carries his plate to the sink.

Nothing... Nobody.

Without even thinking much I can think of one guy like that at my office, beyond myself, who would fit the bill (we make at least twice that). But he is quite religious so you'd probably have to be in his religion.

My nice guy friends who have become single through divorce were snapped up quickly by Asian women, who saw their value.

Widows are a special problem. They scare me because I don't know if I'll be as good a guy as their husband was. The kids are a bigger issue--I am raising my kids already as a single dad. Can I take on more children and do a good job? If I didn't have kids I'd be much more likely to connect with a widow like that.

BTW many women don't like "nice guys" as boyfriends. The most common rejection line I get is, "You're a really nice guy but.....". Lots of divorced women were married to an asshole and that's what they are ultimately attracted to.

[Anonymous]

You realize that you're being really prejudiced by claiming that all men are awful, right? There are plenty of men out there who are nice, caring, respectful people. No one is perfect, and everyone has flaws, of course. But claiming that all men are like this is ridiculous.

How old are you? Maybe more of the men in the older generations are like this, but I'm in my 30s, and most of the men I know by age and younger are pretty decent guys.

[Anonymous]

This thread is the most accurate representation of the ladies of DCUM. Huge, huge, egos, entitlement issues, total lack of self awareness

[Anonymous]

I have met and dated lots of great guys, as have my friends. And there have been some schmucks along the way, and some of my friends have been among them.

I'm married to a great guy now, as are many of my friends.

I think a core problem is that we all think we're entitled to perfect, romantic, blissful love. All life long. And that just isn't realistic. No one is perfect, we all have flaws and we have to find ways to live with each other's imperfections. We all change over time and we have to find ways to adapt and allow that. We all go through hard times that put strain on relationships (kids, illness, death, kids, money challenges, kids...)

My point is, stop judging, don't look for perfection - look for compatibility. Decide if you want to put a lifetime of work into a relationship - cuz that's what it takes on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a widow at 45. I ask around... To men (and women).

Do you know any nice single guys. Requirement.. He is nice and has a job making at least $65K.

She does not need somebody to support her she has her own money. She has kids, so a nice guy to model good behavior, like being nice and having a job... Cook a meal, doesn't drink too much... Carries his plate to the sink.

Nothing... Nobody.

Without even thinking much I can think of one guy like that at my office, beyond myself, who would fit the bill (we make at least twice that). But he is quite religious so you'd probably have to be in his religion.

My nice guy friends who have become single through divorce were snapped up quickly by Asian women, who saw their value.

Widows are a special problem. They scare me because I don't know if I'll be as good a guy as their husband was. The kids are a bigger issue--I am raising my kids already as a single dad. Can I take on more children and do a good job? If I didn't have kids I'd be much more likely to connect with a widow like that.

BTW many women don't like "nice guys" as boyfriends. The most common rejection line I get is, "You're a really nice guy but.....". Lots of divorced women were married to an asshole and that's what they are ultimately attracted to.

+ 1.

If a woman's ex was an arsehole I find they are usually have a personality issue as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP, and I'm not a college student. Much older and "experienced." To clarify based on some posts above: I'm referring to culture, masculinity, and patriarchy. I'm not assuming every individual male is bad, just throwing out my view that I am not willing to spend time checking them out one by one to see if they are not entitled and immature. Given our culture, its very unlikely they have managed to extricate themselves from these socially and culturally reinforced tendencies. It's not a good use of my time. The sex part of it is unfortunate, but I'm not expecting the culture to change anytime soon and for enlightened men to be a common type. I've lived in the biggest cities in the country and attended or worked in the best universities in the country. They are very rare even there. These problems with gender and our culture are getting worse, not better.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya. I think men have it right- get the in best shape possible, make as much money as possible, rely only on yourself, and enjoying having sex with youngest, hottest people that you are able to. Anything more is too much work for too little benefit.

[Anonymous]

She's certainly not saying adopting the male model is the way to go, but ok PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP, and I'm not a college student. Much older and "experienced." To clarify based on some posts above: I'm referring to culture, masculinity, and patriarchy. I'm not assuming every individual male is bad, just throwing out my view that I am not willing to spend time checking them out one by one to see if they are not entitled and immature. Given our culture, its very unlikely they have managed to extricate themselves from these socially and culturally reinforced tendencies. It's not a good use of my time. The sex part of it is unfortunate, but I'm not expecting the culture to change anytime soon and for enlightened men to be a common type. I've lived in the biggest cities in the country and attended or worked in the best universities in the country. They are very rare even there. These problems with gender and our culture are getting worse, not better.

Would you be open to a transgendered man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a widow at 45. I ask around... To men (and women).

Do you know any nice single guys. Requirement.. He is nice and has a job making at least $65K.

She does not need somebody to support her she has her own money. She has kids, so a nice guy to model good behavior, like being nice and having a job... Cook a meal, doesn't drink too much... Carries his plate to the sink.

Nothing... Nobody.

Men sit and think... Nope.. Not one.

This is not just something women think.

Really, can you think of one person you would set up with your sister?One? That is the test. Do you want this guy banging your sister , raising your nephews/nieces and at your family holidays?

I bet you can't think of 1.

I'm a 52 yo woman working in an IT Department with 600 employees. I actually know a lot of guys that meet your requirements above.

I don't know what your experience is that has made you so bitter. I didn't get married until I was 35. I'd never met someone I wanted to marry before dating DH but I never had your attitude. I just hadn't found the right fit for me. That didn't mean all men were entitled or immature or whatever adjective you ascribe to them. Individuals are a 'package' of traits and I hadn't found the right package yet. And, like with any package, there are some things you don't really want but aren't deal breakers.

You need to realize the probem is you and not 50% of the population. This attitude with stymie you not just personally but professionally. Good luck.

I am a 550 yo women who runs a 600 person iT department, funny.

I am not bitter... Martied at 30, 2 boys playing D1 sports in college getting Stem degrees on scholarship... Life is good. I am a foster mom to 1 more.

When I ask, do you know a man that would like to date a widow with 3 kids.. nobody wants to take that on, maybe when her kids are gone a dude will be willing to date her. She is like kryptonite to single older men.

An ad hominem argument does not make any point, what is you point. My friend can't find a decent man and I am bitter, um okay? Your not a programmer are you because your logic does not compute.

Sure you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP, and I'm not a college student. Much older and "experienced." To clarify based on some posts above: I'm referring to culture, masculinity, and patriarchy. I'm not assuming every individual male is bad, just throwing out my view that I am not willing to spend time checking them out one by one to see if they are not entitled and immature. Given our culture, its very unlikely they have managed to extricate themselves from these socially and culturally reinforced tendencies. It's not a good use of my time. The sex part of it is unfortunate, but I'm not expecting the culture to change anytime soon and for enlightened men to be a common type. I've lived in the biggest cities in the country and attended or worked in the best universities in the country. They are very rare even there. These problems with gender and our culture are getting worse, not better.

Hey OP. Give me a shot. "Difficult" women are my fetish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Translation: she's fat. and she's annoyed that men think they're "entitled" to find only thin women attractive.

+1