Physically heterosexual but male entitlement has ruined it for me

[Anonymous]

^friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most pampered, spoiled people on the planet Earth are white, upper-middle to upper class, women in America. They have a society that literally bends to their every whim until they hit about 40.

Shockingly, that still isn't enough.

Men work much harder and get attacked much more.

LOL. You are truly clueless.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband but if he ever leaves me I am going full Lillith fair. I don’t know if I can go sexually lez but maybe I can live with some sort of Wiccan coven or matriarchal commune. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you occasionally bump into an asshole then that person is probably an asshole. If you are constantly bumping into assholes then it's probably you that's the asshole

NP. I wish this were true.

I couldn't ask for a better DH. However, I think most of my friends are married to assholes. There are a couple of DHs out there that are nice guys. Most of them are pretty horrible.

Of course some of my friends are horrible too. But there a lot of them that a great women. And plenty of them are married to assholes.

[Anonymous]

Wake up, ladies. Women are assholes, too. As a women, I am really fed up with all of the male bashing. Take responsibility for your choices and your actions and quit blaming someone else. Both sexes have their share of cruel and nasty jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American women talking about entitlement is a little silly. The disparity between the privilege of American men and American women is a rounding error when compared to the privilege of either of them to the people of the rest of the world.

Totally. Is there misogyny in the US? Yes, but this thread is mostly a bunch of navel-gazing, alarmist gibberish. Male entitlement? Whatever the OP is describing is amorphous at best.

You are both woefully ignorant to the realities of life for many women in America.

So because women in other countries are victims of misogyny, rape, harassment and abuse more than I am, you’re saying I should just be grateful for the misogyny, rape and abuse I experience? Yay America?

That’s exactly what’s OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most pampered, spoiled people on the planet Earth are white, upper-middle to upper class, women in America. They have a society that literally bends to their every whim until they hit about 40.

Shockingly, that still isn't enough.

Men work much harder and get attacked much more.

LOL. You are truly clueless.

World-wide, men are 78 percent of murder victims. In the US, men are 77 percent of murder victims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American women talking about entitlement is a little silly. The disparity between the privilege of American men and American women is a rounding error when compared to the privilege of either of them to the people of the rest of the world.

Totally. Is there misogyny in the US? Yes, but this thread is mostly a bunch of navel-gazing, alarmist gibberish. Male entitlement? Whatever the OP is describing is amorphous at best.

You are both woefully ignorant to the realities of life for many women in America.

So because women in other countries are victims of misogyny, rape, harassment and abuse more than I am, you’re saying I should just be grateful for the misogyny, rape and abuse I experience? Yay America?

That’s exactly what’s OP is talking about.

OP's point is that because men somewhere do something terrible to someone, not near her, not her even, she's staying single. Ok, do that. Get off a relationship forum.

Of course you could hold people you actually meet responsible for their own actions, hold the guy you date responsible for his behavior, but that would mean being an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP's posts, collected:

I used to be attracted to men. Now having more dealings with a wide range for decades, I cannot imagine ever giving one a chance again.
---
Well glad to see there are some kindred spirits here. I was expecting the other remarks. I guess I AM making the right choice for me, by not putting up with male BS, right? I'm fairly sure my tolerance for this type of thing is as low as it possibly can get.

And a lot of my annoyance is not related to romantic "options," though it has affected my desire to respond to them.

My cryptic original post is that I would never be open to discovering some guy that approached me is actually a rare unicorn of a mature, truly feminist man because every man I have to deal with in various spheres of life has exhibited this entitlement. All. of. them. Maybe some are worse about it than others, but that's not really saying much.
---
I'm the OP, and I'm not a college student. Much older and "experienced." To clarify based on some posts above: I'm referring to culture, masculinity, and patriarchy. I'm not assuming every individual male is bad, just throwing out my view that I am not willing to spend time checking them out one by one to see if they are not entitled and immature. Given our culture, its very unlikely they have managed to extricate themselves from these socially and culturally reinforced tendencies. It's not a good use of my time. The sex part of it is unfortunate, but I'm not expecting the culture to change anytime soon and for enlightened men to be a common type. I've lived in the biggest cities in the country and attended or worked in the best universities in the country. They are very rare even there. These problems with gender and our culture are getting worse, not better
It's interesting that people view these as abstractions they can't link up with very common behaviors in our culture.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-blazoned/the-defau...tml?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

http://healthland.time.com/2013/03/19/who-does-more-at-home-men-or-women/

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/...tasks/273834/?single_page=true

https://hbr.org/2015/03/the-5-biases-pushing-women-out-of-stem

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/aug...ntradictory-attitudes-to-women

http://feministing.com/2010/07/16/michael-kimmel-o...anger-and-invisible-privilege/

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2017/01/23/da...mom_marches_against_trump.html
I object to these behaviors and I've explained why here.

I don't treat men with hostility. That alone is the huge difference between someone like me who objects to patriarchy and those who participate in it and perpetuate in it.

If someone decides it's a bad use of time to try to find a needle in a haystack - a truly feminist, enlightened man, why should that be so quickly brushed aside as due to inexperience/youth/immaturity, lack of options or ugliness, or my own entitlement (what does that even mean? I am obligated to be open to men?)???

What if after years of experience in this culture -- in the supposed best, most sophisticated parts of this culture -- I've concluded that it is a bad bet to waste my time in that way?

Criticizing patriarchy does not entail "hatred" of all guys, or an assumption that they are all equally the same. It is a very critical assessment of culture and the very common behaviors it has produced. And that assessment has led me to realize it is not worth the time it would take to find that enlightened male.
Just in case there is someone who reads this thread later and might be interested in reading more than the articles posted above.

There are, as a previous poster mentioned, centuries of feminist critiques of patriarchy. This is also a really good book by a male scholar: The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy
by Allan G Johnson

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439911843/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_x_KTv4ybQMGQA0W
I agree with the PP who said the term patriarchy or feminism can alienate, but this thread did mention the problems and posted links to a few articles about them.

- caregiving disparities - balance between grudge work and fun
- default parent responsibilities (responsibility for thinking through everything that needs to be done for children and/or family)
- collection of biases in the workplaces that are subtle but prevent women's advancement (tightrope between being perceived as nice or competent) that make it difficult for women to advance at work or deal with work/family challenges

And that doesn't even touch on the ways that men and women typically deal with dating and relationships before starting a family. Women typically spend a huge amount of time and energy worrying about and trying to attract men for the gratification of male attention and often ultimately to start a family.

Of course there are individual men who are emotionally vulnerable and have heartbreak. But then there are so many -- including in this thread -- who would say we wouldn't even be that nice except we want sex. Or think it's funny to needle the OP with sexual taunting. Geesh.

It's strange to me that more people don't step back and question . . . all of it. That doesn't mean hating men or assuming each individual one is "bad." It's very jargony and abstract perhaps to emphasis this - but it's the _culture_ that's the problem. These behaviors are the result of it.
The cultural problems mentioned in this thread do not involve claiming that all men are "simply assholes."

Plenty of women fail to acknowledge the impact of patriarchy and indeed -- as some PP noted above -- are affected by it and participate in it.

[Anonymous]

Women outlive men by ten years.


That's the definitive stat on who has it easier.


If it were flipped it would have ribbons/ walks / lectures / and we would NEVER hear the end of it. Until lifespan was equal there would be no other subject discussed.

[Anonymous]

OP's posts, collected:

What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been molested, raped, harassed, groped, name-called and otherwise mistreated at the hands of men. Fiends of mine have been as well.

If that's not male entitlement, what is?

Women have done the same to me and I am a male. If that’s not female entitlement, what is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
After I became a mother, I found that I was less tolerate of the babying that some men need. I used to find it an intimate part of a relationship. I'm a nurturing person, it's my personality.

But, two babies and a divorce later, I surmise myself by how turned off I can get by those little things I used to find so endearing.

+ a million. The 60+ male demographic is the WORST for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women outlive men by ten years.


That's the definitive stat on who has it easier.


If it were flipped it would have ribbons/ walks / lectures / and we would NEVER hear the end of it. Until lifespan was equal there would be no other subject discussed.

Women outlive men because we make better choices. We get into fewer physical fights, fewer dangerous situations, less road rage, safer driving overall, less binge drinking and the attendant stupid behavior. If women avoided romantic relationships with men, we'd live even longer. More men die at younger ages because they do stupid things, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women outlive men by ten years.


That's the definitive stat on who has it easier.


If it were flipped it would have ribbons/ walks / lectures / and we would NEVER hear the end of it. Until lifespan was equal there would be no other subject discussed.

it's the patriarchy's fault men die earlier, ironically. if men would be encouraged to actually do "womens" work they would eat better and go to the doctor. if our culture didn't fetishize violence men wouldn't shoot each other. if men did emotional labor they would have friends in their old age and live longer.