9 year old girl getting a reputation of being bossy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Wow.

Wow all you want, bossy is not a leadership trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Wow.

Wow all you want, bossy is not a leadership trait.

Agreed x 1,000,000. Its a trait for a backseat driver, a helicopter mom and an interfering MIL.

[Anonymous]

Do you have those qualities? Do you have to get your way at work or at home but don't consider it a problem? She has got to be regularly learning to behave this way somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My apologies to the parents of singletons, I didn't mean to say singletons can't share, but I mentioned she has multiple siblings to indicate that she isn't coddled at home, she doesn't get her way all the time. We don't excuse her behavior at all, it's been frustrating to deal with, which is why I'm looking for help.

When I say leader, I'm saying it because when I've asked mom friends for advice because I'm worried she's too bossy, my mom friends say "she's a natural leader". Her teachers have said this, too. She comes up with really creative exciting games and includes as many kids as possible, including kids who are shy and don't get asked to play a lot--this I feel is important info because she is not mean, she is incredibly kind. But her desire to create and lead a game drives her to want it to be exactly right, which leads her to be inflexible and then she gets frustrated when it doesn't go like she pictures it.

I hope this info gives a better picture of what's going on. Would still appreciate advice.

Sounds a little like the moms and teachers are trying to be nice by saying that she is a 'natural leader'. Can you work on it at home. When she doesn't get her way, help her understand that there are other valid ways of playing/doing an activity that could be just as fun?

Good luck OP! Sounds like you are making a valid effort.

[Anonymous]

The current trend of parents referring to their bossy or demanding children (boys or girls) as "CEO material" is hurting kids. You do not need to be bossy or mean to be a CEO. You need to be educated and able to engage and inspire people. In order to lead you must have people that trust and respect you to follow. I know several CEO's who treat all their employees as colleagues who contribute to the success of the company. Leadership is setting everyone up for success and not bossing them around or intimidating them. These kids that are being excused for being bossy or nasty will never become CEO's because no leadership or board will tolerate their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The current trend of parents referring to their bossy or demanding children (boys or girls) as "CEO material" is hurting kids. You do not need to be bossy or mean to be a CEO. You need to be educated and able to engage and inspire people. In order to lead you must have people that trust and respect you to follow. I know several CEO's who treat all their employees as colleagues who contribute to the success of the company. Leadership is setting everyone up for success and not bossing them around or intimidating them. These kids that are being excused for being bossy or nasty will never become CEO's because no leadership or board will tolerate their behavior.

This

[Anonymous]

Life can be inflexible and she won't always get to control people or circumstances in life. She needs to learn that now. Without doing a 180, since you don't want to snuff out the good aspects of being a leader, taking charge, taking initiative, you want her to know there are limits to having things go 100% her way.

I think team sports would really help her. She would learn that there are established rules, to both the game, and to the "code of conduct" amongst team players. She would learn to be part of something and have an important role, alongside others.

Initially, she might try to pull the bossiness tactics, but hopefully she'd get put in her place soon enough.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old bright and personable niece sounds exactly like your DD. She is always coming up with creative games and plays for friends, family and guests and is the one who directs/supervises the activity. She also comes across as bossy and can almost be brought to a tantrum or tears if she doesn't get her way. Recently, she was diagnosed with anxiety. She has a need to control even the smallest details. Her parents are considering medication to help her cope in addition to the CBT she has been receiving for several years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Would you say this of a boy? No, you wouldn't. You use that term as a way of suggesting leadership in girls is somehow a negative quality.
No, being bossy isn't good. Nor should a female child or otherwise have the term "bitch" thrown at her in a forum or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's not just normal girl bossiness? I have all boys and they say all girls are bossy in elementary school. I never hear about it anymore once they're in middle school. It seems to be a phase they all go through that works its way out.

This comment made me so, so sad. Boys are just as "bossy" as girls in ES. Girls get it metaphorically beat out of them by MS.

I don't think so. I see it myself and, having three boys, I'm around boys all the time. There's no comparison. Boys have their own annoying behaviors, and there are surely exceptions, but this is a girl thing. It just is.

And you would know because you have kids of both genders and can objectively compare? Or is this you making statements based on your own gender bias? Lot of presumption in your entire response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Would you say this of a boy? No, you wouldn't. You use that term as a way of suggesting leadership in girls is somehow a negative quality.
No, being bossy isn't good. Nor should a female child or otherwise have the term "bitch" thrown at her in a forum or otherwise.

Don't speak for me. Yes, any person being bossy is being any form of pejorative that applies.

Bossy is NOT a leadership quality.

Honestly apologists like you are exactly why there are frequent threads in the Jobs forum with people saying they hate female managers. You encourage terrible behavior and claim it's leadership. You create an awful perspective of our gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Would you say this of a boy? No, you wouldn't. You use that term as a way of suggesting leadership in girls is somehow a negative quality.
No, being bossy isn't good. Nor should a female child or otherwise have the term "bitch" thrown at her in a forum or otherwise.

Don't speak for me. Yes, any person being bossy is being any form of pejorative that applies.

Bossy is NOT a leadership quality.

Honestly apologists like you are exactly why there are frequent threads in the Jobs forum with people saying they hate female managers. You encourage terrible behavior and claim it's leadership. You create an awful perspective of our gender.

Says the person who uses the term bitch to refer to young girls. But you're lying, you absolutely would not refer to a boy this way to refer to someone who likes to be in charge.
And you know that you never have.
As uncomfortable as it seems to be for you, your perception of women/girls is skewed in terms of what is acceptable language and behavior. It's why you immediately drew a parallel between a discussion about a "bossy" girl and the "problems" with female managers. Clearly you have some deep seated self loathing for your own gender...issues that you need to work out in therapy.
Being bossy is not a positive trait. Neither is using that kind of language about a child or backing up thinly-veiled misogyny in the subconscious hope of somehow distinguishing yourself as not "that" type of woman to the boys club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Would you say this of a boy? No, you wouldn't. You use that term as a way of suggesting leadership in girls is somehow a negative quality.
No, being bossy isn't good. Nor should a female child or otherwise have the term "bitch" thrown at her in a forum or otherwise.

Don't speak for me. Yes, any person being bossy is being any form of pejorative that applies.

Bossy is NOT a leadership quality.

Honestly apologists like you are exactly why there are frequent threads in the Jobs forum with people saying they hate female managers. You encourage terrible behavior and claim it's leadership. You create an awful perspective of our gender.

Says the person who uses the term bitch to refer to young girls. But you're lying, you absolutely would not refer to a boy this way to refer to someone who likes to be in charge.
And you know that you never have.
As uncomfortable as it seems to be for you, your perception of women/girls is skewed in terms of what is acceptable language and behavior. It's why you immediately drew a parallel between a discussion about a "bossy" girl and the "problems" with female managers. Clearly you have some deep seated self loathing for your own gender...issues that you need to work out in therapy.
Being bossy is not a positive trait. Neither is using that kind of language about a child or backing up thinly-veiled misogyny in the subconscious hope of somehow distinguishing yourself as not "that" type of woman to the boys club.

Lol. You're nuts.

[Anonymous]

This thread derailed quite a lot.

OP what are your thoughts now? Are you going to try a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: to jump on the bandwagon, but OP, I do take issue with you implying that "only children" wouldn't know how to share/take turns by saying

She has siblings so she does have to take turns and share, that's not the issue, she's easy about things like that.

My only child has always had to take turns and share - probably more than yours because she is around adults a lot more and has to sit there and listen to adults talk and wait for an (according to her) excruciatingly long time.

Op did not imply only children don't know how to take turns. You are really reading into this. (I have an only child).

To other posters, I think op is talking about leadership in light of the newest philosophy that we must allow our daughters to be bossy, lest they lose the part of their personalities that would drive them to be CEOs in the future. Op seems to understand that meanness and bossiness will not win any friends. I don't see how op is condoning or excusing the behavior.

Being bossy is being a bitch. You don't need to be bossy to be a leader. If the idea is to be a dictator, then keep encouraging young girls to be bossy.

Would you say this of a boy? No, you wouldn't. You use that term as a way of suggesting leadership in girls is somehow a negative quality.
No, being bossy isn't good. Nor should a female child or otherwise have the term "bitch" thrown at her in a forum or otherwise.

My son went through a stage of wanting to 'run' the games at school -- being bossy about the game, rules, etc. We did talk with him about the need to be able to adapt and play with other kids if you actually want to play with the other kids. That different kids need to be able to pick the game or the rules need to be negotiated if you are playing with others, etc. And did some role play games and books about how it feels to be on the other side of being bossed around (or "ruled") by another kid. He's still more of a 'leader' than a 'follower' in many group dynamics, but he learned to moderate it.