s/o please stop derailing/diagnosis lawyering/etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brilliant, chess prodigy, above grade level kid has had an IEP and a diagnosis since he was 4 yrs old. Early intervention, supports and services works. As does getting a good neuropsych eval at a young age that tells you what are the strengths and weaknesses and can anticipate what supports and services are needed.

DS certainly would not be these things without a lot of help from adults. That is the point I'm trying to make.

I am sorry that my DS's good outcome so far pains you so much to hear.

Those things do not "work" for the majority of SN kids. They might help, yes. They are not going to "cure" or alleviate the problem for most of our kids. Of course it does not pain me to hear. I am glad for you that your child is a success and glad for him. But I think you often turn posts about entirely different situations into opportunities to extol your son's many talents and gifts, even ones about children who clearly are not going to be able to participate in society at that level. I think you are a narcissist and you lack empathy. I know 1000 NT kids who are going to be much more successful than my kid, and 1000 SN kids, too. I am fine with that, that is life. But if someone is discussing their child being, say nonverbal, I think you need to not use that as an opportunity to talk about you and your incredibly amazing son.

No but nothing works for all: but it'll work for some high functioning kids with ASD and/or ADHD.

Like I said, I did not post on this thread until addressed. So all the posts you found on this thread that you didn't like lacked empathy, etc. that you obviously attributed to me weren't mine.

I usually don't contribute to threads with kids who are nonverbal, FYI, since I have zero experience with them. So it was someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just ignore posts that demand that the poster acknowledge that her child has a disorder rather than a delay or that a neuropsych is needed if a reasonable determination has been made that one is not or that something is MERLD and much better than ASD unless you want to fall into the quagmire on this thread which is the most unhelpful part of this community, that is, one upping in terms of diagnosis, or making sure that everyone elses' child is as or more disabled than your own. Unfortunately, those posters exist and are very active.

And then there is chess mom, whose child is brilliant, a model, a prodigy, very social and friendly and you would never ever know he had ASD and they have had more accommodations than anyone else ever even though they apparently never really even needed them and whose child will beat you and everyone else at life and go to an Ivy.

Honestly, just ignore posters that are just furthering their own agenda, making posts about their own situation entirely, or have nothing useful to say. There is no "stopping" them.

-Chess mom here. You really have a "thing" for me don't you? I haven't posted on this thread until now and I don't know why you are attacking me except you have issues that makes you feel better attacking other parents of SN kids.

My child gets a lot of services and accommodations because he is lucky enough to go to a mainstream public school with teachers and admins that cares about their kids with SNs and he was evaluated and got a diagnosis at the school's suggestion that he may have issues in preK. DS is brilliant (has a very high IQ), modeled as a baby, a chess prodigy, and has an IEP for ASD/ADHD. Do you have a problem with that?

why on earth would I have a problem with that> IDGAF and neither does anyone else. I have a problem with YOU coming in on literally every thread where parents are worried, anxious, sad, etc., telling us all yet again, in your totally tone deaf way, how brilliant/amazing/accomplished YOUR son is. Do you not see how that is wildly insensitive, esp in certain contexts? I don't think you do, at all, which is why I, unlike you, am not AT ALL surprised that your son has ASD. You clearly have a hard time with social cues and graces and appropriate times to boast.

Like I said, I haven't posted on this thread until you address me directly.

You may think I am boasting but my kid gets amazing supports. I think most parents want to hear about what is possible if schools are willing.

The problem with that, is yes, its nice to hear, but many of us are at well regarded school, but when it comes to our specific kids, they often fall through the cracks. Mine has and we do everything privately. You are lucky if the school supports your child, but not all of us are in that situation and spend a small fortune to get our kids caught up.

P.S. lots of kids are good looking (mine is but I'd never think that is a bragging point) and smart.

My kid modeling as a baby was brought up on a thread about kids with an ASD diagnosis being prone to tantrums and crying alot as babies. I brought up the modeling bc DS with ASD was a very calm baby who hardy ever cried - well behaved enough to model. Thus trying to make the point that not all kids with ASD present as difficult babies. That's all. Not to boast about the kid's good looks.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with your point here--it is frustrating when people are unnecessarily critical rather than supportive on this board. But this thread is unfortunately evidence that they are not going to stop on request, and in fact bringing up the problem with their approach seems to get them to dig in more. So I think the best way to address this is to report individual posts that are problematic, and ignore them when possible so they don't get the chance to derail threads as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I agree with your point here--it is frustrating when people are unnecessarily critical rather than supportive on this board. But this thread is unfortunately evidence that they are not going to stop on request, and in fact bringing up the problem with their approach seems to get them to dig in more. So I think the best way to address this is to report individual posts that are problematic, and ignore them when possible so they don't get the chance to derail threads as much.

Since it is an anon board, don't assume you know the poster and attack them. THat is one sure fire way to derail especially when you guess wrong.

[future10]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is severely disabled and has no diagnosis. She is 10 years old. You really have no idea what you are talking about.

Many families wait years or never get a diagnosis.

People are free to use whatever terms describe their situation -- especially since so many kids fall through the cracks. Stop expecting order where there isn't any. You sound like you have problems yourself.

Maybe you missed the posts, but the poster was a mom with older children who never had them evaluated. So you don't have a diagnosis is you never look either.

How do you know they've never been evaluated? If they are in speech therapy, in order at least for our insurance to pay, they have to be regularly evaluated. Not all kids need a neuropsych. We've never had one. Big deal. It isn't going to tell us anything more than the many other evaluations we have had.

That's what the mother said.

I am that mother! You misunderstood me. My older son has been evaluated by his pediatricians (several), ENT's, a half dozen SLP's, had a full scale WISC administered by a psychologist, and seen a neuroscientist who is an expert in apraxia. Everyone concluded that he seems to have low-ish time and multiple major articulation errors. All that and nobody knows why. So we focus on the what and thank God he is getting better with therapy and time. Same story to a lesser degree with ds2.

You realize that evaluations are a form of intervention? Also, you need a full evaluation by a developmental pediatrician and/or a neuropsychological evaluation by a psychologist--not just the WISC. Every professional you mentioned has extremely limited scope. My guess is that you're trying to avoid a diagnosis.

Why do you NEED a an evaluation form a psychologist? If your child has language issues, a psychologist is not trained in language issues so that would make no sense.

Maybe because she is one. I can tell you that they have minimal training (a masters degree ) but strong opinions and a high opinion of themselves.
If your child really has a problem I'd head to the phd's and MD's.

[b]

New poster, here. You, too, seem to have a high opinion of yourself. You may feel that a Masters Degree is minimal training, but it is more training in the area of speech and language than you have. I'd defer to the professional who has spent 2-3 years studying a single area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post is so ironic. You want people to stop "diagnosis lawyering" but all you have accomplished with this post is to harass people about diagnosis. Really, you are the worst offender. Stop it.

Plus a million.

P.S. You get a full neuropsych evaluation to help your kid. It's not about labels; it's about strategies. It's pointless to be in the wash, rinse, repeat cycle of speech therapy if you don't actually pinpoint a goal, e.g., executive functioning, pragmatic etc. That's what a full educational evaluation is for.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm so sad to read this whole thread. Usually this forum is so helpful, but this is almost all people bashing other posters.

I just came on to say that I often appreciate people providing arm-chair diagnoses and lawyering advice. One of the most useful parts of this forum is to get some ideas to think about before going to talk to the professionals. I'm often like a deer in headlights when I do talk to the professionals and thinking through possibilities before I do that is really helpful. Also, I think a lot of us have the problem that if we see a carpenter, they diagnose a nail (or something like that) and it's often helpful for someone to say "Well, maybe instead of a carpenter, you should have seen a plumber...." One of my BIGGEST frustrations is that there's not really one-stop shopping for figuring out how to help my kids. For instance, we spent YEARS seeing urologists and OTs and not one of them told me that daytime urinary incontinence is a not uncommon symptom of ADHD. So whenever I see a post about incontinence, I will suggest to the poster that they consider ADHD, because it might save them years of heartache asking why the constipation protocols and OT and whatever else they are prescribed isn't working.

Anyway, let me echo what another poster said -- assume that people responding are trying to help! Ignore what's not helpful, and report what is truly offensive to Jeff for deletion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm so sad to read this whole thread. Usually this forum is so helpful, but this is almost all people bashing other posters.

I just came on to say that I often appreciate people providing arm-chair diagnoses and lawyering advice. One of the most useful parts of this forum is to get some ideas to think about before going to talk to the professionals. I'm often like a deer in headlights when I do talk to the professionals and thinking through possibilities before I do that is really helpful. Also, I think a lot of us have the problem that if we see a carpenter, they diagnose a nail (or something like that) and it's often helpful for someone to say "Well, maybe instead of a carpenter, you should have seen a plumber...." One of my BIGGEST frustrations is that there's not really one-stop shopping for figuring out how to help my kids. For instance, we spent YEARS seeing urologists and OTs and not one of them told me that daytime urinary incontinence is a not uncommon symptom of ADHD. So whenever I see a post about incontinence, I will suggest to the poster that they consider ADHD, because it might save them years of heartache asking why the constipation protocols and OT and whatever else they are prescribed isn't working.

Anyway, let me echo what another poster said -- assume that people responding are trying to help! Ignore what's not helpful, and report what is truly offensive to Jeff for deletion.

OP here. Helpful contributions sound like this: "When my kid had language problems that did not resolve, I did a full neuropsych and it was really helpful in pinpointing interventions that worked."

Unhelpful PP: "You are a crazy dipsh*t hurting your children and refusing to evaluate them and are in denial about their disorder."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm so sad to read this whole thread. Usually this forum is so helpful, but this is almost all people bashing other posters.

I just came on to say that I often appreciate people providing arm-chair diagnoses and lawyering advice. One of the most useful parts of this forum is to get some ideas to think about before going to talk to the professionals. I'm often like a deer in headlights when I do talk to the professionals and thinking through possibilities before I do that is really helpful. Also, I think a lot of us have the problem that if we see a carpenter, they diagnose a nail (or something like that) and it's often helpful for someone to say "Well, maybe instead of a carpenter, you should have seen a plumber...." One of my BIGGEST frustrations is that there's not really one-stop shopping for figuring out how to help my kids. For instance, we spent YEARS seeing urologists and OTs and not one of them told me that daytime urinary incontinence is a not uncommon symptom of ADHD. So whenever I see a post about incontinence, I will suggest to the poster that they consider ADHD, because it might save them years of heartache asking why the constipation protocols and OT and whatever else they are prescribed isn't working.

Anyway, let me echo what another poster said -- assume that people responding are trying to help! Ignore what's not helpful, and report what is truly offensive to Jeff for deletion.

OP here. Helpful contributions sound like this: "When my kid had language problems that did not resolve, I did a full neuropsych and it was really helpful in pinpointing interventions that worked."

Unhelpful PP: "You are a crazy dipsh*t hurting your children and refusing to evaluate them and are in denial about their disorder."

Crazy, OP, dipsh*t was used, but not crazy after many posters saying "you're projecting," "just stop," blah blah blah. Yeah, I lost my temper after repeated ignorant posts.

The fact is a 9 year old still in speech who has never had a full educational evaluation is NOT a LATE BLOOMER. That is fact. So telling someone that it will "just work out ok" when they've just experienced dumb luck and their kid is doing okay for now, is just ridiculous. It doesn't matter if this PP ever pursues a full educational evaluation or not. But her kids has something going on other than a late blooming delay. They may never need an IEP or other supports--doesn't matter. They are not late bloomers. That ship has sailed.

So read the ASHA posts to help you understand what a language disorder is. It is not the same thing as calling someone "disordered." It is not an insult; it is just a fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Actually crazy was used, and I apologize for insulting the crazies. Ignorant or uninformed is not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm so sad to read this whole thread. Usually this forum is so helpful, but this is almost all people bashing other posters.

I just came on to say that I often appreciate people providing arm-chair diagnoses and lawyering advice. One of the most useful parts of this forum is to get some ideas to think about before going to talk to the professionals. I'm often like a deer in headlights when I do talk to the professionals and thinking through possibilities before I do that is really helpful. Also, I think a lot of us have the problem that if we see a carpenter, they diagnose a nail (or something like that) and it's often helpful for someone to say "Well, maybe instead of a carpenter, you should have seen a plumber...." One of my BIGGEST frustrations is that there's not really one-stop shopping for figuring out how to help my kids. For instance, we spent YEARS seeing urologists and OTs and not one of them told me that daytime urinary incontinence is a not uncommon symptom of ADHD. So whenever I see a post about incontinence, I will suggest to the poster that they consider ADHD, because it might save them years of heartache asking why the constipation protocols and OT and whatever else they are prescribed isn't working.

Anyway, let me echo what another poster said -- assume that people responding are trying to help! Ignore what's not helpful, and report what is truly offensive to Jeff for deletion.

OP here. Helpful contributions sound like this: "When my kid had language problems that did not resolve, I did a full neuropsych and it was really helpful in pinpointing interventions that worked."

Unhelpful PP: "You are a crazy dipsh*t hurting your children and refusing to evaluate them and are in denial about their disorder."

Crazy, OP, dipsh*t was used, but not crazy after many posters saying "you're projecting," "just stop," blah blah blah. Yeah, I lost my temper after repeated ignorant posts.

The fact is a 9 year old still in speech who has never had a full educational evaluation is NOT a LATE BLOOMER. That is fact. So telling someone that it will "just work out ok" when they've just experienced dumb luck and their kid is doing okay for now, is just ridiculous. It doesn't matter if this PP ever pursues a full educational evaluation or not. But her kids has something going on other than a late blooming delay. They may never need an IEP or other supports--doesn't matter. They are not late bloomers. That ship has sailed.

So read the ASHA posts to help you understand what a language disorder is. It is not the same thing as calling someone "disordered." It is not an insult; it is just a fact of life.

Genuine question: Do you not view being in speech therapy as having merit? Nobody said on that other thread that those children were just late bloomers-they're in speech, which requires a diagnosis of at least one speech/language impairment by an SLP. Why is it so important to you that a neuropsych is done? They have a diagnosis and are making progress in their therapy. Why does the diagnosis only count, in your eyes, if it's from a clinical psychologist or dev. pediatrician? They are not experts in the field of language disorders, so, to my mind, that parent has sought out the best and most thorough evaluation for someone demonstrating language delays. If there were concerns in multiple areas of functioning you might be right, but there aren't. Head back to ASHA and read up a bit more on SLI and articulation disorders. You seem to be taking potential comorbidity with learning disabilities as a certainty rather than a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore posts that demand that the poster acknowledge that her child has a disorder rather than a delay or that a neuropsych is needed if a reasonable determination has been made that one is not or that something is MERLD and much better than ASD unless you want to fall into the quagmire on this thread which is the most unhelpful part of this community, that is, one upping in terms of diagnosis, or making sure that everyone elses' child is as or more disabled than your own. Unfortunately, those posters exist and are very active.

And then there is chess mom, whose child is brilliant, a model, a prodigy, very social and friendly and you would never ever know he had ASD and they have had more accommodations than anyone else ever even though they apparently never really even needed them and whose child will beat you and everyone else at life and go to an Ivy.

Honestly, just ignore posters that are just furthering their own agenda, making posts about their own situation entirely, or have nothing useful to say. There is no "stopping" them.

-Chess mom here. You really have a "thing" for me don't you? I haven't posted on this thread until now and I don't know why you are attacking me except you have issues that makes you feel better attacking other parents of SN kids.

My child gets a lot of services and accommodations because he is lucky enough to go to a mainstream public school with teachers and admins that cares about their kids with SNs and he was evaluated and got a diagnosis at the school's suggestion that he may have issues in preK. DS is brilliant (has a very high IQ), modeled as a baby, a chess prodigy, and has an IEP for ASD/ADHD. Do you have a problem with that?

NP here but even I recognize you because you somehow managed to bring up your brilliant, ASD, model 17 year old DS in a thread about marriage and what it will be like when he eventually marries. It's kinda weird.

Nope. must be another brillant ASD kid who models bc my DS is 9 yrs old.

Oh you're right you never said 17. However, this comment is definitely you:

"This is exactly the kind of husband DS will be. At first his Asbergers and ADHD made the former principal at his school want him to leave. But now they like him because he raises their math and reading scores. But he's still a discipline problem because of his stubbornness. They are trying to teach him to write poetry, but he just won't do it. The men in my family have always been poets. My dad wrote lyrics for musicals, and I used to write a lot of poetry. I've offered to help him but he's not in

Something went wrong with my last post. Anyway, he has to take social skills classes and hates it. When we take him to school all the kids call out his name and say hi, but he ignores them. I guess he's popular because he's got exotic Eurasian good looks. He's a national chess champion, and is unbeatable in UNO and Connect Four. But like many with Asbergers, he's focused on particular thing. In his case, it's elevators. Whenever we take him to chess tournaments, he wants to go to all the local hotels and ride the elevators. We even took him to Disney World but all he wanted to do was go to the local hotels and ride elevators.

I can't imagine what kind of husband he will be. He had a job as a magazine model before we moved here from NYC and I think he'll be good looking enough to attract women at the outset, but whoever ends up with him will have to be very easy going and patient."

So you definitely do go talking about this all the time all over the place, enough to where people recognize you and kind of wish you'd stop. We get it, he's stunning intelligent and handsome and better than all other SN kids. He's 9, why are you even talking about what he'll be like as a husband one day?

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of moms here whose children have ASD and are apparently thriving. However, these children fall all the old Asperger's end of the spectrum and when you have good language and high intelligence, there's a lot you can do to overcome or mask your weaknesses. And because these kids do well in school, schools love them. They often test well and are great students, just the kind of kid schools reward and will lavish attention and resources on. It's simply not the truth that an IEP will make a child's autism disappear and everything magically gets better. In fact, a bad IEP or wrong autism label can make things a lot worse.

If your child struggles with language and is low verbal and low receptive, even if they have high or average intelligence, the ballgame changes. These kids are a lot more work academically and don't test well, so schools don't want to put forth the effort in their success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being ignorant is not a diagnosis.

There is a difference between delays and disorders. When your kid is past preschool age and still needs speech therapy--that's not a late bloomer. That is technically a disorder according to ASHA:

http://blog.asha.org/2015/04/14/language-delay-versus-a-disorder/
http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/LateBlooming.htm


Yes, some people smoke 5 packs a day and never develop lung cancer. Some people never vaccinate their kids and they don't get sick. It doesn't mean that these are based on any scientific evidence. However, the information by ASHA is.

I have no idea what you are talking about. 90% of life-time smokers do not get cancer. This is absolutely based on scientific evidence. It's based on decades of studies and their data. Smoking absolutely increases your risk of cancer, but, the overwhelming number of life long smokers will not get cancer.... Also, almost all kids who do not vaccinated will not get those diseases. That is a very complex topic. But it is absolutely scientifically accurate to state that.

[Anonymous]

That marriage post is classic chess mom. So clueless, so self focused, so tone deaf-ly braggy. Chess mom clearly has social skills problems.