3rd grader tickles & calls out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the teacher needs to do more about behavior and hands to self. He probably need to be in activities or get more exercise. I would get an evaluation to make sure things are ok.

Please address it. My kid comes home every day complaining about another child putting their hands on him. He wouldn't mind tickling but at that age its not appropriate as you know. He is very upset by it. He has SN so he will not complain to the teacher due to his needs. I have talked to the teacher and the child is bothering everyone/not picking on my child but it is very upsetting and is a big deal to some kids.

Some of it is just personality and you want to encourage his personality but in the right way. Maybe do a behavioral chart with him?

OP here. Thanks. I've tried a chart but it seems like at almost 9, the consequences have to be more severe but just not sure how. He's not physically hurting anyone and doesn't mean to bother anyone with the touching. I think he believes he's being affectionate. He doesn't like when other kids are wrong and he feels the need to step in and correct them which will probably work out in the end when kids think he's annoying. Hope it doesn't come to that!

At 9, he needs to understand the he needs to ask for permission to touch someone except family, etc. He may not mean to bother anyone but he is. And, it can be upsetting to kids like mine who have SN and are not always up to saying stop or leave me alone. At some point, he will take it too far and a kid will retaliate or hit him back. I know if it continues I will consider telling my kid to put the other child off him as the child (and it is not your child) is making school miserable for him as he keeps getting attacked either from behind or in the front. I'm sure the school will be angry but they are not doing enough to keep my child safe. My kid is starting to not want to go to school and its bad enough we may have to pull him out or go to another classroom.

If he has been evaluated and everything is ok, then you and the teacher need to make a clear plan. You need to be consistent at home and instead of punishment, I'd make him make ipad/video games/tv/computer time based on good behavior and hands to self. Make a clear chart and have the teacher fill it out daily. The teacher sounds like an issue if he did better the second half of last year. There are probably a lot of kids in the class and he gets very little 1-1 attention or support. Maybe a smaller school, if you could afford a private would be better with a lot more structure. He may just be immature but it needs to be dealt with now or he is going to be bullied very soon as once kids get older enough is enough.

At this point, I'd bring the school counselor in and ask for a 504 and see if he can get some counseling. I'd also see a private therapist who maybe can work with him. Also, get him into some activities, like Karate that can work on self-regulation.

Everyone on this board is ready to push ADD, ADHD and Autism. Its easy and then you medicate and all is well. Medication helps some kids but its not something that should be used till the last resort. Try behavioral techniques first, both at home and at school.

Behavioral therapy would be the right first choice for high functioning autism as well.

I wasn't talking about behavioral therapy. And, this is not high functioning autism. I don't get why so many on this board say it is autism, ADD or ADHD. It sounds like its a school/classroom issue. Schools are not empowered to do something. It will become an issue when another kid gets fed up and pummels her kid so she finally will work with the teacher and complain about the other kid. My kid is the one being attacked and honestly, I've had enough and if it continues I will be the parent to tell my child to push the other child off him as its beyond reasonable that day after day a child touches other kids and there are no consequences. I am not going to wait till my child is hurt before the school will take action.

This kid needs a more specialized setting or a small private that can give him guidance and support. Mom needs to work with the teacher on a behavioral plan with a reward system. Punishing a kid like that will not be effective. Mom clearly gets the issue as she is posting but labeling a kid and medicating is not the answer. Working on the behaviors is. You don't need a therapist to do it. You need a good parent and good teacher both on the same page and very consistent.

[Anonymous]

Nobody has said to medicate, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has said to medicate, PP.

Oh please. OP said that her DS was evaluated and is not ADHD. Many posters have diagnosed him as having ADHD, called him a menace, and clearly expect OP to medicate him so that he will no longer touch his classmates.

Yes, tickling classmates is inappropriate, he should know better, and he shouldn't do it. That's why OP is posting. So far, the responses have mostly been that he must be ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has said to medicate, PP.

Oh please. OP said that her DS was evaluated and is not ADHD. Many posters have diagnosed him as having ADHD, called him a menace, and clearly expect OP to medicate him so that he will no longer touch his classmates.

Yes, tickling classmates is inappropriate, he should know better, and he shouldn't do it. That's why OP is posting. So far, the responses have mostly been that he must be ADHD.

This is an 8 or 9 year old boy doing this, not a preschooler. This has been a repeat problem, despite the teachers and parents doing what they think they can to stop it. To think there is something wrong is completely appropriate in this situation. This is not typical boy behavior. This is not related to getting insufficient recess time. This is not something to be glossed over yet another school year, as obviously what has been done past is not working. You're first sentence belittles the seriousness of this. For an 8 or 9 year old to not pick up his classmates social cues, to be shouting out answers and touching others after years of being told not to do so, and after the consequences set by mom have all failed, how can the answer be anything but something is wrong?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I read all the responses. Thank you for the thoughtful ones. My son hugs at home and that's about it when it comes to being hands on here. This appears to be an issue that comes out in school. He'll come home and tell me he got in trouble for not keeping his hands to himself and tickling. After some reflection I have come to the conclusion that it must be a social issue. He makes friends on playgrounds, plays with his cousins, and never tickles so I'm wondering if it's school anxiety?? It's the school environment that brings this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the teacher needs to do more about behavior and hands to self. He probably need to be in activities or get more exercise. I would get an evaluation to make sure things are ok.

Please address it. My kid comes home every day complaining about another child putting their hands on him. He wouldn't mind tickling but at that age its not appropriate as you know. He is very upset by it. He has SN so he will not complain to the teacher due to his needs. I have talked to the teacher and the child is bothering everyone/not picking on my child but it is very upsetting and is a big deal to some kids.

Some of it is just personality and you want to encourage his personality but in the right way. Maybe do a behavioral chart with him?

OP here. Thanks. I've tried a chart but it seems like at almost 9, the consequences have to be more severe but just not sure how. He's not physically hurting anyone and doesn't mean to bother anyone with the touching. I think he believes he's being affectionate. He doesn't like when other kids are wrong and he feels the need to step in and correct them which will probably work out in the end when kids think he's annoying. Hope it doesn't come to that!

At 9, he needs to understand the he needs to ask for permission to touch someone except family, etc. He may not mean to bother anyone but he is. And, it can be upsetting to kids like mine who have SN and are not always up to saying stop or leave me alone. At some point, he will take it too far and a kid will retaliate or hit him back. I know if it continues I will consider telling my kid to put the other child off him as the child (and it is not your child) is making school miserable for him as he keeps getting attacked either from behind or in the front. I'm sure the school will be angry but they are not doing enough to keep my child safe. My kid is starting to not want to go to school and its bad enough we may have to pull him out or go to another classroom.

If he has been evaluated and everything is ok, then you and the teacher need to make a clear plan. You need to be consistent at home and instead of punishment, I'd make him make ipad/video games/tv/computer time based on good behavior and hands to self. Make a clear chart and have the teacher fill it out daily. The teacher sounds like an issue if he did better the second half of last year. There are probably a lot of kids in the class and he gets very little 1-1 attention or support. Maybe a smaller school, if you could afford a private would be better with a lot more structure. He may just be immature but it needs to be dealt with now or he is going to be bullied very soon as once kids get older enough is enough.

At this point, I'd bring the school counselor in and ask for a 504 and see if he can get some counseling. I'd also see a private therapist who maybe can work with him. Also, get him into some activities, like Karate that can work on self-regulation.

Everyone on this board is ready to push ADD, ADHD and Autism. Its easy and then you medicate and all is well. Medication helps some kids but its not something that should be used till the last resort. Try behavioral techniques first, both at home and at school.

Behavioral therapy would be the right first choice for high functioning autism as well.

I wasn't talking about behavioral therapy. And, this is not high functioning autism. I don't get why so many on this board say it is autism, ADD or ADHD. It sounds like its a school/classroom issue. Schools are not empowered to do something. It will become an issue when another kid gets fed up and pummels her kid so she finally will work with the teacher and complain about the other kid. My kid is the one being attacked and honestly, I've had enough and if it continues I will be the parent to tell my child to push the other child off him as its beyond reasonable that day after day a child touches other kids and there are no consequences. I am not going to wait till my child is hurt before the school will take action.

This kid needs a more specialized setting or a small private that can give him guidance and support. Mom needs to work with the teacher on a behavioral plan with a reward system. Punishing a kid like that will not be effective. Mom clearly gets the issue as she is posting but labeling a kid and medicating is not the answer. Working on the behaviors is. You don't need a therapist to do it. You need a good parent and good teacher both on the same page and very consistent.

Wow, chill out. You have no idea what it is. People are saying ADHD and autism because that is what it sounds like. You don't own special needs. You really need to deal with your xhild's school personally and your anger issues and stop projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has said to medicate, PP.

Oh please. OP said that her DS was evaluated and is not ADHD. Many posters have diagnosed him as having ADHD, called him a menace, and clearly expect OP to medicate him so that he will no longer touch his classmates.

Yes, tickling classmates is inappropriate, he should know better, and he shouldn't do it. That's why OP is posting. So far, the responses have mostly been that he must be ADHD.

That depends. Was her child evaluated recently or years ago? You're jumping to just as many conclusions as the other posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the responses. Thank you for the thoughtful ones. My son hugs at home and that's about it when it comes to being hands on here. This appears to be an issue that comes out in school. He'll come home and tell me he got in trouble for not keeping his hands to himself and tickling. After some reflection I have come to the conclusion that it must be a social issue. He makes friends on playgrounds, plays with his cousins, and never tickles so I'm wondering if it's school anxiety?? It's the school environment that brings this out.

If this is your answer, then honestly I think the problem will perpetuate. You're addressing the tickling only. What about calling out? What about not listening to his teachers? What about disregarding your punishments? Just being honest, but you do sound like you're going to write this off as some anxiety about school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the responses. Thank you for the thoughtful ones. My son hugs at home and that's about it when it comes to being hands on here. This appears to be an issue that comes out in school. He'll come home and tell me he got in trouble for not keeping his hands to himself and tickling. After some reflection I have come to the conclusion that it must be a social issue. He makes friends on playgrounds, plays with his cousins, and never tickles so I'm wondering if it's school anxiety?? It's the school environment that brings this out.

If this is your answer, then honestly I think the problem will perpetuate. You're addressing the tickling only. What about calling out? What about not listening to his teachers? What about disregarding your punishments? Just being honest, but you do sound like you're going to write this off as some anxiety about school.

+1 million. OP seems to have it in her head that this is a school problem only. OP, please get your child tested again. See someone different. Honestly, an 8 year old should keep his hands to himself, doesn't matter if it is a tickle or not. The other child is not asking to be tickled. You said the teacher said he tickles and can't keep his hands to himself. This leads me to believe that he is doing more that you aren't mentioning.

[Anonymous]

OP- Your child reminds me of my son's classmate. (BTW- My DS has ADHD so he struggles with impulse control too. He started medication in 3rd grade). This boy couldn't not touch other kids at school. Even as other boys grew out of the constant touching phase by about 2nd grade, he was still like a 3 yr old in his ability to control his impulses. I would see him a few times a year at various school functions. By 4th grade, none of the boys wanted to be near him. My DS said that this boy is in trouble a lot so none of the boys wanted to be near him or they would end up in trouble too. Even at their 5th grade farewell ceremony, he was unable to stand up and not touch or grab other kids. Make an appt. for a consultation. We went to KK and even though we waited 4 months for the appt, it was worth the wait.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I would like to add once more that this only happens in school and the correcting happens at home but not with grown ups. Mostly just siblings or other kids. The need to always be right and call out may be just his personality. I just don't know!

[Anonymous]

Maybe the school environment isn't the right one. He may need a smaller school with more attention and structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school environment isn't the right one. He may need a smaller school with more attention and structure.

OP here. I wish we could afford a private school but that's a huge swing for us. I'm thinking of getting him into a martial arts activity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

What made you get the referral before? Was it recommended by the teachers? If there is a psychological or physiological reason for his inability to control his impulses, all the continuity regarding consequences between you and your husband in the world will work. You still sound defensive...though wanting to fix the problem, I don't think you see the likely bigger problem that exists.