3rd grader tickles & calls out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is just a normal kid in all other ways. He's always been very affectionate and hands on. Unfortunately that isn't flying in public school! I've taken tv away sometimes and allowance but feel like anything else wouldn't fit the crime.

You are mitigating his behavior. He is annoying to the other children. He is annoying to everyone but you. You are not helping him by saying he's affectionate and hands on. Your little talks with him aren't helping. Neither are your mild punishments. Maybe it's time you get a little tougher with the consequences.

+1
OP you are minimizing his behavior and your punishments are so light because you really don't think what he is doing is that bad. The teachers and I'm sure the kids who are the subject of the unwanted tickling and correction would disagree with you. It's bad, your child is completely in the wrong and needs to be corrected, don't minimize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

I hear you OP. He needs a punishment that you consider out of line with the offense, something that will without a doubt show him that his behavior isn't cute and won't be tolerated. And it needs to happene every time he does this until he gets it through his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I would like to add once more that this only happens in school and the correcting happens at home but not with grown ups. Mostly just siblings or other kids. The need to always be right and call out may be just his personality. I just don't know!

He needs to understand what is ok with siblings is not ok with peers. It sounds like you need far more support with the school and teacher if the issue is at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

If you are parenting him, then do n't blame it on grandma. It may be personality but its time he learn boundaries. You tell him its great he has a lot to say but its not appropriate at school to say everything and please save it for when he gets home as you'd love to hear it.

Maybe there is more to this like he misses his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- Your child reminds me of my son's classmate. (BTW- My DS has ADHD so he struggles with impulse control too. He started medication in 3rd grade). This boy couldn't not touch other kids at school. Even as other boys grew out of the constant touching phase by about 2nd grade, he was still like a 3 yr old in his ability to control his impulses. I would see him a few times a year at various school functions. By 4th grade, none of the boys wanted to be near him. My DS said that this boy is in trouble a lot so none of the boys wanted to be near him or they would end up in trouble too. Even at their 5th grade farewell ceremony, he was unable to stand up and not touch or grab other kids. Make an appt. for a consultation. We went to KK and even though we waited 4 months for the appt, it was worth the wait.

My son has been in school with a similar kid since pre-K. In pre-K the teacher had to pull this other kid off my son on the playground after school because he grabbed DS in a "hug" and wouldn't let go, even though my son was crying and panicked. The dad just sat there saying, oh he's just being affectionate. No, that's assault. The parents have ignored this kid's issues as well as his sister's and now they're in 7th and 6th grades and don't have any friends because the parents are in complete denial that their kids don't know any boundaries and can't follow social cues.

[Anonymous]

If he is doing this to girls, you really owe it to him to make him stop. Obviously it's inappropriate for him to tickle boys, too, but, assuming he is straight, now is the time to get it through his head that he needs to stop unwelcome physical interactions with girls. It's not affection when it's unwelcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

I hear you OP. He needs a punishment that you consider out of line with the offense, something that will without a doubt show him that his behavior isn't cute and won't be tolerated. And it needs to happene every time he does this until he gets it through his head.

OP here. I've suggested taking away his Harry Potter wands and things in his room which are items he loves dearly. My husband thinks that will cause him to be scared to tell us if he does things at school (which he's actually been very good about. He doesn't lie. He comes home and says I got in trouble for....") I don't want him to be afraid to be honest but I also fear he'll be THAT KID. I want him to have a good school experience and have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I was immature and insecure. Thus not reading social cues and wanting validation for my smarts all the time.

I grew out of it.

OP here. Yes! He doesn't read social cues at all. Could it be nerves??!

This was my kid too. Thing is this is the sort of behavior that can have serious consequences like suspension or even removal from a school if it doesn't stop. What we did was set a bright line rule that we enforced everywhere. My son could not touch anyone between neck and knees without permission, except parents - we didn't want to forbid hugging. No punishment of rewards. Just intervened every single time he broke the rule. It worked. Only downside was he couldn't wrestle with his brother but it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Year after year I'm having the same issues with my son. He will not keep his hands to himself at school. It's not hurting anyone but it's tickling. I have no idea why he does it or why he won't stop doing it. I've told him to stop and that it's not okay to touch other people and invade their personal space. Additionally, he will not stop calling out in class or correcting other classmates. It's been years of hearing from teachers he lacks self control when it comes to calling out. He is what an observer would call "a know it all". He thinks he knows better than everyone even when I explained he has a lot of learn, let others learn, others learn at their own pace. Etc etc. I've said it all! He has no special education issues. He can't get through one day without arguing with or correcting someone. Anyone with a similar child? Help a mommy out, please.

I haven't read the rest of the thread...

What is his consequence? If you work together with the teacher you should both have specific expectations and then loss of things if he touches/tickles, if he calls out. If he goes without doing them, there should be a positive reinforcement.

I guess I would say:

Any reports of touching, no electronics for the day.
Any reports of calling out, no ______

Good report - 30min of your choice (within a list of offers) after HW

Stick with it EVERY time. Work with the teacher, back her up for every consequence he receives. Don't let the child interfere with their reasons or excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I was immature and insecure. Thus not reading social cues and wanting validation for my smarts all the time.

I grew out of it.

OP here. Yes! He doesn't read social cues at all. Could it be nerves??!

This was my kid too. Thing is this is the sort of behavior that can have serious consequences like suspension or even removal from a school if it doesn't stop. What we did was set a bright line rule that we enforced everywhere. My son could not touch anyone between neck and knees without permission, except parents - we didn't want to forbid hugging. No punishment of rewards. Just intervened every single time he broke the rule. It worked. Only downside was he couldn't wrestle with his brother but it was worth it.

OP here. We started enforcing something similar today. He isn't allowed to touch anyone except hug me, father, or grandparents. I hope it works! Thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think something is "wrong" with him besides the fact that people make excuses for him. I am most definitely not one of those people. I want to fix this. He's been evaluated recently (7 months ago) and he's find according to school specialists and an outside specialist. I am actually a step mother to him and not his biological mom. I do raise him full time however. I work tirelessly for my children and I need some advice. I need a tactic that will stick. My husband works beside me in following through with consequences so that's no issue. My third grader has this idea in his head that he's cute and everyone wants to hear what he has to say and that people think it's cute when he tickles. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this. It seems like whenever he is with his grandmother (husbands mother), she is making excuses for him and it's rubbing off on him. For example:

I will talk to him about his calling out in class and his response will be "I just have a lot to say!" Which sounds like my mother in law! What should I do?? Advice?? I've told my husband my concerns but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. She's a good grandma.

I hear you OP. He needs a punishment that you consider out of line with the offense, something that will without a doubt show him that his behavior isn't cute and won't be tolerated. And it needs to happene every time he does this until he gets it through his head.

OP here. I've suggested taking away his Harry Potter wands and things in his room which are items he loves dearly. My husband thinks that will cause him to be scared to tell us if he does things at school (which he's actually been very good about. He doesn't lie. He comes home and says I got in trouble for....") I don't want him to be afraid to be honest but I also fear he'll be THAT KID. I want him to have a good school experience and have friends.

Do a behavioral chart to ear the things he likes vs. take away. Start with 5 days of no touching, then 9 days, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your child has sensory processing disorder. Could be a mild version of it but it is definitely tactile and auditory sensory seeking behavior.

http://spdlife.org/symptoms/sensory-seeking.html

There are things you can do to help appease his tactile seeking. Some kids like chewing necklaces, stress balls at their desks, bouncy bands for his feet at his desk, etc...
Kids like this also like cleaning up, sorting, filing, handing things out. Let his teacher encourage those things when he is done classwork instead of sitting at his desk reading.

I would recommend an OT if behaviors do not get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your child has sensory processing disorder. Could be a mild version of it but it is definitely tactile and auditory sensory seeking behavior.

http://spdlife.org/symptoms/sensory-seeking.html

There are things you can do to help appease his tactile seeking. Some kids like chewing necklaces, stress balls at their desks, bouncy bands for his feet at his desk, etc...
Kids like this also like cleaning up, sorting, filing, handing things out. Let his teacher encourage those things when he is done classwork instead of sitting at his desk reading.

I would recommend an OT if behaviors do not get better.

Also look up diet information. Many kids calm down when their diets are changed. Remove dyes, processed sugars, etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I was immature and insecure. Thus not reading social cues and wanting validation for my smarts all the time.

I grew out of it.

OP here. Yes! He doesn't read social cues at all. Could it be nerves??!

This was my kid too. Thing is this is the sort of behavior that can have serious consequences like suspension or even removal from a school if it doesn't stop. What we did was set a bright line rule that we enforced everywhere. My son could not touch anyone between neck and knees without permission, except parents - we didn't want to forbid hugging. No punishment of rewards. Just intervened every single time he broke the rule. It worked. Only downside was he couldn't wrestle with his brother but it was worth it.

OP here. We started enforcing something similar today. He isn't allowed to touch anyone except hug me, father, or grandparents. I hope it works! Thank you for posting.

And the shouting out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I was immature and insecure. Thus not reading social cues and wanting validation for my smarts all the time.

I grew out of it.

OP here. Yes! He doesn't read social cues at all. Could it be nerves??!

This was my kid too. Thing is this is the sort of behavior that can have serious consequences like suspension or even removal from a school if it doesn't stop. What we did was set a bright line rule that we enforced everywhere. My son could not touch anyone between neck and knees without permission, except parents - we didn't want to forbid hugging. No punishment of rewards. Just intervened every single time he broke the rule. It worked. Only downside was he couldn't wrestle with his brother but it was worth it.

OP here. We started enforcing something similar today. He isn't allowed to touch anyone except hug me, father, or grandparents. I hope it works! Thank you for posting.

And the shouting out?

No one has to report to you, crazy.