My DH is asking me to break off a friendship because her husband is cheating on her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness.

I am not sure where some posters got that my husband asked me to abandon a friend. First of all she is a casual friend and secondly he asked me to distance myself from her and the situation not go no contact and shun her. He didn't demand that I never speak to her again. He simply told me that he was distancing himself from his coworker because he finds him disgusting and mentioned I should do the same with the situation.

She is away this week moving her oldest into college. When she returns I intend to tell her what I know, which my husband fully supports and offered to be there but I feel it is best just coming from me. While I would never turn away a friend I am also not this woman's best friend or even in her close circle so yes, I intend to distance myself from what will likely be both a volatile and hopefully private situation.

I know the relationship forum just loves to say that every husband is cheating. Thank you for your concern. My love is my best friend and a good man and I don't have a single worry or doubt.

Remember the 'Don't Shoot the Messenger' adage. She might turn her anger back to you. If she knows that you know this horrible fact about HER/her life, she might distance herself from and/or shun you. Be ready for that.

I would just have a general conversation about what she thinks of the current state of her marriage and I might interject a story of some marriages that break up when the kids leave for college.

You also don't know what could happen in three years time - she could leave him, he could drop dead of a heart attack (fingers crossed), his gf could dump him (very likely), he could have a life changing epihany.. I would not fill her in with everything I heard.

I agree and thank you. I am beginning to wish I just distanced myself from this entire situation like my husband suggested. There is no silver lining here.

I am potentially tearing her life apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness.

I am not sure where some posters got that my husband asked me to abandon a friend. First of all she is a casual friend and secondly he asked me to distance myself from her and the situation not go no contact and shun her. He didn't demand that I never speak to her again. He simply told me that he was distancing himself from his coworker because he finds him disgusting and mentioned I should do the same with the situation.

She is away this week moving her oldest into college. When she returns I intend to tell her what I know, which my husband fully supports and offered to be there but I feel it is best just coming from me. While I would never turn away a friend I am also not this woman's best friend or even in her close circle so yes, I intend to distance myself from what will likely be both a volatile and hopefully private situation.

I know the relationship forum just loves to say that every husband is cheating. Thank you for your concern. My love is my best friend and a good man and I don't have a single worry or doubt.

Remember the 'Don't Shoot the Messenger' adage. She might turn her anger back to you. If she knows that you know this horrible fact about HER/her life, she might distance herself from and/or shun you. Be ready for that.

I would just have a general conversation about what she thinks of the current state of her marriage and I might interject a story of some marriages that break up when the kids leave for college.

You also don't know what could happen in three years time - she could leave him, he could drop dead of a heart attack (fingers crossed), his gf could dump him (very likely), he could have a life changing epihany.. I would not fill her in with everything I heard.

I agree and thank you. I am beginning to wish I just distanced myself from this entire situation like my husband suggested. There is no silver lining here.

I am potentially tearing her life apart.

Well, and, sadly a lot of marriages will start to implode once the kids head off to college. She will naturally just notice this trend and sharpen her focus of her marriage.
I was so freaked out by some of my friends' marriages unraveling I just came out and asked my husband (who I adore) about it. He said no way but I've been enjoying reconnecting with him a lot more, three years before the last kid will be headed out to college.
It is kind of important to strengthen your marriage about this time if you'd like it to continue - that's another fairly vague avenue that you can use to start a discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness.

I am not sure where some posters got that my husband asked me to abandon a friend. First of all she is a casual friend and secondly he asked me to distance myself from her and the situation not go no contact and shun her. He didn't demand that I never speak to her again. He simply told me that he was distancing himself from his coworker because he finds him disgusting and mentioned I should do the same with the situation.

She is away this week moving her oldest into college. When she returns I intend to tell her what I know, which my husband fully supports and offered to be there but I feel it is best just coming from me. While I would never turn away a friend I am also not this woman's best friend or even in her close circle so yes, I intend to distance myself from what will likely be both a volatile and hopefully private situation.

I know the relationship forum just loves to say that every husband is cheating. Thank you for your concern. My love is my best friend and a good man and I don't have a single worry or doubt.

Remember the 'Don't Shoot the Messenger' adage. She might turn her anger back to you. If she knows that you know this horrible fact about HER/her life, she might distance herself from and/or shun you. Be ready for that.

I would just have a general conversation about what she thinks of the current state of her marriage and I might interject a story of some marriages that break up when the kids leave for college.

You also don't know what could happen in three years time - she could leave him, he could drop dead of a heart attack (fingers crossed), his gf could dump him (very likely), he could have a life changing epihany.. I would not fill her in with everything I heard.

I agree and thank you. I am beginning to wish I just distanced myself from this entire situation like my husband suggested. There is no silver lining here.

I am potentially tearing her life apart.

Are you totally sure she doesn't hate him? He doesn't sound easy to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness.

I am not sure where some posters got that my husband asked me to abandon a friend. First of all she is a casual friend and secondly he asked me to distance myself from her and the situation not go no contact and shun her. He didn't demand that I never speak to her again. He simply told me that he was distancing himself from his coworker because he finds him disgusting and mentioned I should do the same with the situation.

She is away this week moving her oldest into college. When she returns I intend to tell her what I know, which my husband fully supports and offered to be there but I feel it is best just coming from me. While I would never turn away a friend I am also not this woman's best friend or even in her close circle so yes, I intend to distance myself from what will likely be both a volatile and hopefully private situation.

I know the relationship forum just loves to say that every husband is cheating. Thank you for your concern. My love is my best friend and a good man and I don't have a single worry or doubt.

Remember the 'Don't Shoot the Messenger' adage. She might turn her anger back to you. If she knows that you know this horrible fact about HER/her life, she might distance herself from and/or shun you. Be ready for that.

I would just have a general conversation about what she thinks of the current state of her marriage and I might interject a story of some marriages that break up when the kids leave for college.

You also don't know what could happen in three years time - she could leave him, he could drop dead of a heart attack (fingers crossed), his gf could dump him (very likely), he could have a life changing epihany.. I would not fill her in with everything I heard.

I agree and thank you. I am beginning to wish I just distanced myself from this entire situation like my husband suggested. There is no silver lining here.

I am potentially tearing her life apart.

Are you totally sure she doesn't hate him? He doesn't sound easy to love.

Like I said she is a casual friend but she has never given any indication that she does. She could. Anytime I've met the guy he seemed like a really smart and nice. He's always treated her well in public that I have seen.

My husband said he has always been a bit of braggart but this rant he went on was shocking. It came up when they were all just winding down after long meeting. Someone asked about another man's divorce and how it was going and my friend's husband just started in how he couldn't wait to divorce his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's possible that OP's husband is cheating, but not with OP's friend. But OP's husband's male work friend might know, and OP's husband might be afraid his male work friend tells HIS wife, and it gets back to OP's wife.

There has to be a reason that OP's husband wants to isolate OP from her female friend and the only possible reason is to inhibit the exchange of information or gossip.

OP's husband's story doesn't make sense, nor does his reaction. Most likely OP's husband is cheating; the work friend found out about it; and OP's husband is afraid his friend's wife might have learned about it and it will get back to OP.

In other words exactly the mirror image scenario as portrayed by the husband.

But OP whatever it is, your husband is definitely up to no good. What kind of person tries to isolate a cheating victim from their friends?

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Yikes!
This poor woman sure is going to get butchered in a few more years.

Her husband sounds like a true sociopath & I feel bad for her.

Your husband may have a good point here.
It probably would be best if you remove yourself from these people because once it all goes down, the last thing you want is to be somehow tied in to this drama.
Best to get away while you can.

And I wouldn't tell the wife what is going on w/her marriage.
Who knows what her crazy husband is capable of doing if he finds out you or your husband snitched!

Just remove yourself from this situation entirely.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is going to be there while you tell this woman everything her husband told yours? And the two husbands work together? That's gonna go well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is going to be there while you tell this woman everything her husband told yours? And the two husbands work together? That's gonna go well.

Oh I see he offered and you declined his presence. The other guy is still going to know this came from him. Get ready for some blowback.

[Anonymous]

No way, do it anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would say nothing. You say this woman is not a good friend of yours, and you do not know the information first hand. If your husband did not want you to say anything he should not have told you about what his coworker said. However, no good will come of this for anyone by you telling her. It's not going to change her situation, either she has a prenup and it is what it is, or she will get a lawyer when the divorce comes and not be left high and dry. You and you husband both sound a bit immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way, do it anonymously.

In about 8 months, after he's blabbed to more people than your husband.

[Anonymous]

I would send an anon email to her.
Please don't abandon your poor friend. This happened to me; it makes divorce so much more painful

[Anonymous]

It's not uncommon for marriages to break up when the kids go off to college.
It's HER marriage, my guess would be that she knows about the state of her own marriage and her husband's intentions.
By you pointing these things out to her as a casual friend you are being intrusive and adding to the pain.
Your DH most likely told you to distance yourself because he knows that you'll get wrapped up in it and cause the woman pain,
Don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can this man ruin your husband's career somehow? That would be my only concern. But I wouldn't distance myself from her. She needs friends. And I agree about anonymously telling her somehow. If you are the bearer of the bad news, she could turn on you. Not uncommon.

No he couldn't. They are on equal footing and in my understanding after this guy's rant about his wife a lot of his colleagues are giving him a wide berth now.

I think this woman is going to need friendship and support, I wouldn't shut her out. I'd also make sure she knows of her asshole husband's master plan

[Anonymous]

Do not do it anon. Worst thing, she may not believe it, she'll tell her husband, he'll gaslight her. Don't do it.