My DH is asking me to break off a friendship because her husband is cheating on her

[Anonymous]

Thank you to those who gave advice. I appreciate it. I am feeling today though that I should talk to her one on one. Getting an anonymous email might be a pretty harsh way to find out don't you think? This is a tough situation.

And no, my husband is not cheating on me with her but thanks for your concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can this man ruin your husband's career somehow? That would be my only concern. But I wouldn't distance myself from her. She needs friends. And I agree about anonymously telling her somehow. If you are the bearer of the bad news, she could turn on you. Not uncommon.

No he couldn't. They are on equal footing and in my understanding after this guy's rant about his wife a lot of his colleagues are giving him a wide berth now.

Good. And I'm impressed by your husband. I hate it when men stick together on this stuff. You got yourself a good one.

How is he a good one? He is asking her to stop being friends with the intended victim.

[Anonymous]

OP make sure when you tell her, whether it's in person or anonymously..... Make SURE she knows to dig a little and get proof. If she explodes, he'll cover his bases, and I'm guessing he's good at it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew all of this and didn't tell my friend. And then be there for her.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her. Not anonymously. Just tell her that her husband has been bragging to his work colleagues about his infidelity and his plan to leave her when the kids are out of the house. You don't know anything firsthand, but you do know that he's saying these things, and she really should know that he's talking about her like that.

I might write a letter laying this out, explaining that you wanted to give her time to digest it in private, and you are ready to talk to her about it if/when she wants.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband a good one? I am not saying he is cheating, but I would question what type of person thinks it is cool to dump a friend because it isnt a convenient situation.

[Anonymous]

I agree with talking to her in person. A letter or email can be dismissed and she'll likely fly at him with accusations before she has anything concrete. If you speak in person, you can help her calm down and begin to think things through rationally. Since it seems like her husband was bragging in front of several people, there's no real fallout for your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, I disagree with other PPs.

First, your friend's husband didn't say this to you, nor did he say it in your present. What you have is hearsay. Even if it is from a trusted source (your husband), it's still just hearsay.

Second, your husband didn't catch the guy having an affair. Your husband actually doesn't know for sure the guy is having an affair. He could just be talking. Maybe he wants other people to think he's having an affair to think he's some uber attractive guy.

Third, this involves your husband's workplace. So it adds another level of complication.

Why does your husband want you to stop being friends with her? Is there a reason why your husband doesn't want to tell the woman?

Something is amiss with the way your husband told you. In fact, your husband put you in a bad position. He told you something about your friend (knowing you'd want to tell her), but then he said you shouldn't be friends with her.

He's leaving something out. There's something he's not telling you about the woman you are friends with or about her situation or about his coworker.

Before you go blabbing at the mouth about something you have heard secondhand, you really need to talk to your husband and get more information.

The PP who says your husband is cheating may be wrong about your husband cheating, but she is right to point out something doesn't smell right about his reaction to all of this.

If he didn't want you to tell your friend, he should not have told you. To tell you and then ask that you stop being friends with her is very strange.

You need to have a conversation with your husband about this.

You also need to tread carefully. The guy is a lawyer. If you tell her something that isn't true and that actually isn't exactly what the guy actually said (i.e., your husband got the statements wrong), then it could lead to trouble.

[Anonymous]

presence, not present

[Anonymous]

It's possible that OP's husband is cheating, but not with OP's friend. But OP's husband's male work friend might know, and OP's husband might be afraid his male work friend tells HIS wife, and it gets back to OP's wife.

There has to be a reason that OP's husband wants to isolate OP from her female friend and the only possible reason is to inhibit the exchange of information or gossip.

OP's husband's story doesn't make sense, nor does his reaction. Most likely OP's husband is cheating; the work friend found out about it; and OP's husband is afraid his friend's wife might have learned about it and it will get back to OP.

In other words exactly the mirror image scenario as portrayed by the husband.

But OP whatever it is, your husband is definitely up to no good. What kind of person tries to isolate a cheating victim from their friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's possible that OP's husband is cheating, but not with OP's friend. But OP's husband's male work friend might know, and OP's husband might be afraid his male work friend tells HIS wife, and it gets back to OP's wife.

There has to be a reason that OP's husband wants to isolate OP from her female friend and the only possible reason is to inhibit the exchange of information or gossip.

OP's husband's story doesn't make sense, nor does his reaction. Most likely OP's husband is cheating; the work friend found out about it; and OP's husband is afraid his friend's wife might have learned about it and it will get back to OP.

In other words exactly the mirror image scenario as portrayed by the husband.

But OP whatever it is, your husband is definitely up to no good. What kind of person tries to isolate a cheating victim from their friends?

15:27 here. I don't know whether OP's husband is up to no good, but something definitely doesn't smell right about the situation. There's more to the story. Whatever it is, OP shouldn't say anything to her friend until she investigates further and has a better sense of what is going on.

It doesn't add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband a good one? I am not saying he is cheating, but I would question what type of person thinks it is cool to dump a friend because it isnt a convenient situation.

Someone who has standards...

[Anonymous]

Your husband is telling you to abandon a friend whom he knows to be in emotional and financial danger.

That's awful.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your rabbi. Does he know any of the other people who heard this awful man's rant? Let the rabbi do the footwork to undercover what's going on and speak with others, if need be. If this guy blathered on like this at work, he may need help. It could be nothing more than a pathetic outburst, a fantasy. Hello, mid-life crisis.

It says so much about DC marriages that this scenario is even possible. Even longstanding marriages are so vulnerable? You'd think she'd paid her dues over the years and even with the cheating, there'd be an understanding not to be so violent about things.

What has your friend shared about her marriage? Some of us divorced women may have felt blindsided, but this is Hollywood-level plotting. Ew.

[Anonymous]

I'd definitely go to the rabbi -- unless you're aware of any significant financial contributions from your friend's family.

This is a tough situation, OP, good luck.