My DH is asking me to break off a friendship because her husband is cheating on her

[Anonymous]

I am friend's with the wife of one of my husband's colleagues. We aren't best friends but we have lunch together and things like that.

She has one child about to go to college and one child who is about to be a sophomore in HS. She is a SAHM with a small home based business but its hardly her focus.

Okay so here is the bad stuff. My DH told me that her husband was bragging about his 3 year plan. He is putting away money and setting it up so he can leave her "high and dry" once the younger child is off to college. That he encouraged her to stay home and be his servant so he could do what he wanted. That the minute his "bitch wife" is forced to sign the papers he is going to marry his young mistress. Laughed about all the times he cheated on her and how half his business trips were to spoil women other than his spoiled wife. He said he couldn't wait until she was shamed out of their synagogue when he brought his new attractive wife. Really horrible stuff and there was more said but thats the gist of it. My husband is disgusted by this and called him some choice names and will have nothing to do with him now. My DH has also asked me to distance myself from her.

I feel like this woman needs to know what is coming. Even if its anonymously. This man is a lawyer and obviously not above being shady.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I usually say MYOB but her husband sounds like a sociopath. Anyway to anonymously provide evidence? And I thought Jewish men make the best husbands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually say MYOB but her husband sounds like a sociopath. Anyway to anonymously provide evidence? And I thought Jewish men make the best husbands!

I wouldn't judge Jewish men by this jerk. And he seemed like such a nice guy too every time I've met him! I want to do it anonymously just because I don't want it to come back on my husband. But how? Email? Social media? Should I send an actual letter?

I seriously wish I wasn't in this situation and I feel horrible for her.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Normally MYOB, but this is so wrong. There is an e-mail service that send anonymous e-mails--I would do something like that. Pretend to be a friend of the mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. Normally MYOB, but this is so wrong. There is an e-mail service that send anonymous e-mails--I would do something like that. Pretend to be a friend of the mistress.

This is a good idea, thank you! I will look into it.

[Anonymous]

^^ http://www.sendanonymousemail.net/

[Anonymous]

Agree to not MYOB. I also disagree with your DH and wouldn't stop being her friend. Why should she have to lose even more than she already will?

[Anonymous]

Can this man ruin your husband's career somehow? That would be my only concern. But I wouldn't distance myself from her. She needs friends. And I agree about anonymously telling her somehow. If you are the bearer of the bad news, she could turn on you. Not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree to not MYOB. I also disagree with your DH and wouldn't stop being her friend. Why should she have to lose even more than she already will?

I think my DH just really does not want me involved in this situation. I am the type to get emotionally invested and want to help. I was actually crying and broken hearted as he was telling me this.

I agree with you. No matter what happens she needs her friends now more than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually say MYOB but her husband sounds like a sociopath. Anyway to anonymously provide evidence? And I thought Jewish men make the best husbands!

Where does it say he's Jewish? I'm blind...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually say MYOB but her husband sounds like a sociopath. Anyway to anonymously provide evidence? And I thought Jewish men make the best husbands!

Where does it say he's Jewish? I'm blind...

Oh. synagogue. My bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can this man ruin your husband's career somehow? That would be my only concern. But I wouldn't distance myself from her. She needs friends. And I agree about anonymously telling her somehow. If you are the bearer of the bad news, she could turn on you. Not uncommon.

No he couldn't. They are on equal footing and in my understanding after this guy's rant about his wife a lot of his colleagues are giving him a wide berth now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can this man ruin your husband's career somehow? That would be my only concern. But I wouldn't distance myself from her. She needs friends. And I agree about anonymously telling her somehow. If you are the bearer of the bad news, she could turn on you. Not uncommon.

No he couldn't. They are on equal footing and in my understanding after this guy's rant about his wife a lot of his colleagues are giving him a wide berth now.

Good. And I'm impressed by your husband. I hate it when men stick together on this stuff. You got yourself a good one.

[Anonymous]

An anonymous email really won't help. She'll likely confront her husband, he will deny it, he'll say it's obviously not credible because it's anonymous, and she may choose to believe him on it. I think this needs a little bit more of an intervention.

[Anonymous]

What an awkward situation! Your husband is definitely one of the good ones! Please don't abandon your friend, she is going to need you more than ever. Your husband seems to have a really good heart, I'm sure that he will understand this. I think that your friend needs to be told, so that she can prepare herself for what's coming. I would definitely find a way to tell her anonymously. There is a good chance that she may not believe it; but it's important that you try. I liked the previous poster's idea to pretend to be a friend of the mistress...that might be more believable. What about going to her Rabbi and explaining the situation? Whatever you decide, please don't walk away from this woman. She needs you, and she is fortunate to have a friend who truly cares.