Boyfriend not interested in my family at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don't know what to do then. We recently moved into together after almost a year of me staying at his apartment.

I work out of the home for a month at a time and then am home for 1-2 months. We got into a huge argument about the fact he feels I don't "contribute" enough when i'm home and that we don't spend enough alone time together. When I am home I haven't seen my family for a long time so i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8 it's not like i'm coming home at midnight. Which seems ridiculous, because I told him that he's more than welcome to come over too but he never wants to which is so upsetting to me.

But I agreed that I would come home and spend time with him and have dinner with him and help more with cooking/cleaning. So I feel like i'm making compromises but he's not giving me anything back?! I don't know if i'm ready to give up yet ... I was hoping we could figure it out.

Move out now. Just pull the band-aid off. It is not fair to either of you. Better off alone than divorced with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8

Really amazing he would tolerate such behavior.

She's got to be a troll. This is the first time I have called troll.

[Anonymous]

What kind of job has that weird schedule?

Boyfriend should run -- you sound lazy.

[Anonymous]

You guys just sound like a bad match. Different priorities. He obviously doesn't want to marry you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the real problem is that you don't want to spend very much time with your boyfriend. Spending time with you and your family together is not the same thing. If you are away for a month at a time, then at your parents' house until 7 or 8 PM, and then there are all the chores and other activities of life to take up time, when do you spend quality time with your boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don't know what to do then. We recently moved into together after almost a year of me staying at his apartment.

I work out of the home for a month at a time and then am home for 1-2 months. We got into a huge argument about the fact he feels I don't "contribute" enough when i'm home and that we don't spend enough alone time together. When I am home I haven't seen my family for a long time so i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8 it's not like i'm coming home at midnight. Which seems ridiculous, because I told him that he's more than welcome to come over too but he never wants to which is so upsetting to me.

But I agreed that I would come home and spend time with him and have dinner with him and help more with cooking/cleaning. So I feel like i'm making compromises but he's not giving me anything back?! I don't know if i'm ready to give up yet ... I was hoping we could figure it out.

You sound really selfish. If I've worked all day, guess what, I don't want to go to my boyfriend's parents' house just to see him. Thanks for the invite, but no. For one, I want one on one time. For two, I want to be in MY space, MY house, not running out again, having to make small talk with your mom, dad, and sister. I want to unwind. That's not unwinding. Do you really not get it??

[Anonymous]

Requesting him to spend all that time w/your family when he isn't close to his own is asking a lot of him.

Even monthly sounds like a lot.

However if family plays a huge part in your own life, then this could very well be a deal-breaker on your end.

You may be more well-suited for a more family oriented man.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you have a wonderful, close, loving family and you are a kind, warm sister and daughter. I don't understand why you all are berating OP for loving to spend time with her family.

I do think your boyfriend isn't interested in joining your family. You will eventually have to give up one or the other.
If you give up your family, you will deny who you are. His resistance will only grow over time, and you will attend every event alone. He will get angry when your sister comes to help with the newborn, etc.

Not every man is going to want to enter your situation, but there are some out there who would be happy to.

My husband's mother is not maternal, and his father lives alone hates to travel to see us. He is an only child, and loves spending time with my affecfionate, close family. We see my parents for dinner 1-2 days week on some weeks, and on some weeks not at all. My husband gets love from my mom that his own mother is not capable of. Frankly, it's been a healing relationship for him. Our children benefit from spending a lot of time with grandparents how cherish them.

There are men out there longing for a close, warm family. If and when you breakup- know that this is the kind of person to seek out.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to cut the cord from your family. But your boyfriend deserves some of the blame for being too blind to realize you were attached at the hip before he invited you to move in.

[Anonymous]

Your priorities are
1. Family
2. Boyfriend

You don't want to give up time with your family for your boyfriend, so you try to get your boyfriend to hang out with your family so you can have both.

The real problem is that you don't like your boyfriend enough to give up a few hours with your family.

Also, even just once a month is a lot for me to have to spend with my husband's family. I would try to stretch that out at all costs. And bi weekly would make me run far far away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Requesting him to spend all that time w/your family when he isn't close to his own is asking a lot of him.

Even monthly sounds like a lot.

However if family plays a huge part in your own life, then this could very well be a deal-breaker on your end.

You may be more well-suited for a more family oriented man.

Yes but then OP would be losing time with her family to spend time with her boyfriends family, and there would be fighting about that.
I'm not sure there really is a guy out there who would be oriented to OP's family.

Is there anyone in the world who wants to relax after a hard day at work at his girlfriends moms house?

[Anonymous]

Hindsight is 20/20. While maybe not cost effective, living separately *might have* reduced some of the problems here. You know too much about each other's schedule, and don't seem 100% committed to each other. Or, at least you don't enough about each other despite being together for a year.

By not living together, you would be less obligated to check in with the BF before heading to your parents house. He *might have* been more inclined to stop by your parents house if that meant seeing you - still not to the level you seem to want.

It seems you moved into together, each hoping to control the other more. Instead, you should've been getting to know more about yourself and each other. You seem very young. Time living alone, or with platonic roommates might help you grow up a bit before you dive into a new relationship. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Requesting him to spend all that time w/your family when he isn't close to his own is asking a lot of him.

Even monthly sounds like a lot.

However if family plays a huge part in your own life, then this could very well be a deal-breaker on your end.

You may be more well-suited for a more family oriented man.

Yes but then OP would be losing time with her family to spend time with her boyfriends family, and there would be fighting about that.
I'm not sure there really is a guy out there who would be oriented to OP's family.

Is there anyone in the world who wants to relax after a hard day at work at his girlfriends moms house?

She probably needs an orphan who really wants surrogate parents.

[Anonymous]

I am close to my family but I am wondering how hard it is to make it home Before your BF returns from work? Is a whole day spent with your mother and sister not enough?

Also, not to be crass, but is your mother dying? If yes I can understand wanting to spend every moment there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? Do you live together?

Read the entire thread, both of these questions were answered.