Boyfriend not interested in my family at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don't know what to do then. We recently moved into together after almost a year of me staying at his apartment.

I work out of the home for a month at a time and then am home for 1-2 months. We got into a huge argument about the fact he feels I don't "contribute" enough when i'm home and that we don't spend enough alone time together. When I am home I haven't seen my family for a long time so i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8 it's not like i'm coming home at midnight. Which seems ridiculous, because I told him that he's more than welcome to come over too but he never wants to which is so upsetting to me.

But I agreed that I would come home and spend time with him and have dinner with him and help more with cooking/cleaning. So I feel like i'm making compromises but he's not giving me anything back?! I don't know if i'm ready to give up yet ... I was hoping we could figure it out.

You're not ready to be in a relationship if you can't make him a priority and would rather devote all of your free time to your family. I think he is right to get upset that you don't get home until 8 every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: And the pp who said once a month is a lot is a joke.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don't know what to do then. We recently moved into together after almost a year of me staying at his apartment.

I work out of the home for a month at a time and then am home for 1-2 months. We got into a huge argument about the fact he feels I don't "contribute" enough when i'm home and that we don't spend enough alone time together. When I am home I haven't seen my family for a long time so i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8 it's not like i'm coming home at midnight. Which seems ridiculous, because I told him that he's more than welcome to come over too but he never wants to which is so upsetting to me.

But I agreed that I would come home and spend time with him and have dinner with him and help more with cooking/cleaning. So I feel like i'm making compromises but he's not giving me anything back?! I don't know if i'm ready to give up yet ... I was hoping we could figure it out.

You live down the street from your parents? Yikes. That would be too much for me.

I don't blame him for not wanting to come hang out at your parents' house after work.

It sounds like you'd be happier living with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Is he dating you or your family??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8

Really amazing he would tolerate such behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP do you and boyfriend happen to be from different cultures?

It's really not a standard American adults to be at their parents house every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: i spend most of the day with my parents or sister while he's at work. And when he gets home, I'm usually just down the street at my parents house and he gets PISSED when I come home at 7 or 8

Really amazing he would tolerate such behavior.

Do you work OP?

Are you a teacher on school holiday?

[Anonymous]

MULTIPLE times a week? That's excessive and is a lot to ask.

[Anonymous]

It's not normal to spend all day with your parents as an adult and then come home at 8 to your spouse.

You should be spending more time at your own home than at your parents'.

I don't blame your boyfriend one bit for wanting some space between him and your family.

[Anonymous]

If I were him I'd run like crazy.

[Anonymous]

No we are both white. It may seem excessive to some but this is my normal. My mom is sick with a chronic illness so I try to spend as much time with her as possible and my sister just had a baby so I want to see my niece too.

Family is really important to me but so is my boyfriend and I feel like I have compromised, we agreed that I would have dinner with him 5 nights out of the week and spend more time together doing things just us. But he still grudgingly participates with my family. He doesn't want to come to my brothers birthday next weekend either.

I don't understand how I seem like the crazy one?! I'm honestly shocked at these responses.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating? Do you live together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were him I'd run like crazy.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand how I seem like the crazy one?!

Because adults don't behave the way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never met an adult who wanted to make her partner hang out with her family of origin twice per week. If I were dating someone who asked for that I'd run for the hills.

If you are serious he should have attended the wedding. There are two possibilities there: (1) a passive - aggressive power struggle relating to your pressure for excessive time with them; or (2) he is trying to tell you that you're not going to be life partners so hd doesn't belong at family milestone events.

Either way, you two don't fit.

If you want someone who would rather hang with your parents than with friends or one to one, maybe find someone at their church. Better yet, develop an independent social life.

+1, my exact thoughts. Oh and you have to find someone that values family but isn't so close to his that it is competition to see your family. Othwrwise between the two of you there would be his family dinner and your family dinner every week and either his family events or your family events on the weekends. And kids ....how would you divide up the holidays?