Obsessed with guy I met on vacation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:37 again. I agree with the PP who says guys are saying it would be cool because they'd be flattered that a woman would go out of her way to find them. My guess is that none of them would end up taking that woman seriously.

Your guess would be wrong.

It shows initiative. Asking for what she wants. Not being a wall flower.

The list of positive traits goes on and on.

Maybe he is involved with someone. Then end it.

Maybe you're super hot and he figured he was punching way above his weight.

Who knows? Don't be creepy about it , . . Just do it.

LOL. Keep telling yourself that. It looks desperate. And creepy. OP admits herself that she is "obsessed" with this guy. She had a fleeting conversation with him on a bus. He never even told her his last name. If she's grasping at straws (short conversations with cute guys) and sleuthing to find their full names and contact details, that's desperation.

What did she do? Did she piece together "Well, his name is Johnny and he mentioned Boston and he plays tennis, let me do so me googling!"

I dated a lot before I married (later in life), and my experience is that most normal people will "show initiative" at the appropriate time if they are interested. If OP had reached out to him while on the tour or found him immediately after, then that would be one thing. But she didn't. She waited and did a sort of weird loop back.

I've also found that people who aren't desperate don't cling to brief meetings/conversations and obsess over them. They do a "note to self: if you are having a good conversation with a stranger on a tour bus, make sure to get an email address." They don't cyber stalk the person.

[Anonymous]

ilfe is short. go for it. if he thinks youre creepy he will tell you and that will be that. but, you may end up married for 50 years with 3 beautiful kids. contact him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:37 again. I agree with the PP who says guys are saying it would be cool because they'd be flattered that a woman would go out of her way to find them. My guess is that none of them would end up taking that woman seriously.

Your guess would be wrong.

It shows initiative. Asking for what she wants. Not being a wall flower.

The list of positive traits goes on and on.

Maybe he is involved with someone. Then end it.

Maybe you're super hot and he figured he was punching way above his weight.

Who knows? Don't be creepy about it , . . Just do it.

LOL. Keep telling yourself that. It looks desperate. And creepy. OP admits herself that she is "obsessed" with this guy. She had a fleeting conversation with him on a bus. He never even told her his last name. If she's grasping at straws (short conversations with cute guys) and sleuthing to find their full names and contact details, that's desperation.

What did she do? Did she piece together "Well, his name is Johnny and he mentioned Boston and he plays tennis, let me do so me googling!"

I dated a lot before I married (later in life), and my experience is that most normal people will "show initiative" at the appropriate time if they are interested. If OP had reached out to him while on the tour or found him immediately after, then that would be one thing. But she didn't. She waited and did a sort of weird loop back.

I've also found that people who aren't desperate don't cling to brief meetings/conversations and obsess over them. They do a "note to self: if you are having a good conversation with a stranger on a tour bus, make sure to get an email address." They don't cyber stalk the person.

this. that OP had time to devote to think about that conversations demonstrate that there emptiness in her life; that cute men don't flirt with her that often (otherwise this would have been just business as usual) etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't give people my full name when I meet them randomly in a public place....that doesn't mean I would be against connecting with them again, I just forget and we get caught up in other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:37 again. I agree with the PP who says guys are saying it would be cool because they'd be flattered that a woman would go out of her way to find them. My guess is that none of them would end up taking that woman seriously.

Your guess would be wrong.

It shows initiative. Asking for what she wants. Not being a wall flower.

The list of positive traits goes on and on.

Maybe he is involved with someone. Then end it.

Maybe you're super hot and he figured he was punching way above his weight.

Who knows? Don't be creepy about it , . . Just do it.

LOL. Keep telling yourself that. It looks desperate. And creepy. OP admits herself that she is "obsessed" with this guy. She had a fleeting conversation with him on a bus. He never even told her his last name. If she's grasping at straws (short conversations with cute guys) and sleuthing to find their full names and contact details, that's desperation.

What did she do? Did she piece together "Well, his name is Johnny and he mentioned Boston and he plays tennis, let me do so me googling!"

I dated a lot before I married (later in life), and my experience is that most normal people will "show initiative" at the appropriate time if they are interested. If OP had reached out to him while on the tour or found him immediately after, then that would be one thing. But she didn't. She waited and did a sort of weird loop back.

I've also found that people who aren't desperate don't cling to brief meetings/conversations and obsess over them. They do a "note to self: if you are having a good conversation with a stranger on a tour bus, make sure to get an email address." They don't cyber stalk the person.

this. that OP had time to devote to think about that conversations demonstrate that there emptiness in her life; that cute men don't flirt with her that often (otherwise this would have been just business as usual) etc.

I need a translator to figure this one out....somebody please help.

[Anonymous]

So my cousin is into doing races (running). She did a pretty intense one and was chatting with a guy afterward. He was cute, he was single, he was a dad (with his adorable DD with him). My cousin is cute, single and also had an adorable young DD. They flirted a little, then things went this way and that way and they never really exchanged info.

I stalked him on the internet from his race bib number. Got his name, found an email address for him. I sent it to her. She was all "he's going to think I'm crazy" and I was all "WHO CARES HE WAS HOT".

He was so super into the fact that she'd tracked him down. They went out a few times, it wasn't love, but it wasn't a waste either.

This was like 10 years ago. So now? Pfht, who cares! Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:37 again. I agree with the PP who says guys are saying it would be cool because they'd be flattered that a woman would go out of her way to find them. My guess is that none of them would end up taking that woman seriously.

Your guess would be wrong.

It shows initiative. Asking for what she wants. Not being a wall flower.

The list of positive traits goes on and on.

Maybe he is involved with someone. Then end it.

Maybe you're super hot and he figured he was punching way above his weight.

Who knows? Don't be creepy about it , . . Just do it.

LOL. Keep telling yourself that. It looks desperate. And creepy. OP admits herself that she is "obsessed" with this guy. She had a fleeting conversation with him on a bus. He never even told her his last name. If she's grasping at straws (short conversations with cute guys) and sleuthing to find their full names and contact details, that's desperation.

What did she do? Did she piece together "Well, his name is Johnny and he mentioned Boston and he plays tennis, let me do so me googling!"

I dated a lot before I married (later in life), and my experience is that most normal people will "show initiative" at the appropriate time if they are interested. If OP had reached out to him while on the tour or found him immediately after, then that would be one thing. But she didn't. She waited and did a sort of weird loop back.

I've also found that people who aren't desperate don't cling to brief meetings/conversations and obsess over them. They do a "note to self: if you are having a good conversation with a stranger on a tour bus, make sure to get an email address." They don't cyber stalk the person.

this. that OP had time to devote to think about that conversations demonstrate that there emptiness in her life; that cute men don't flirt with her that often (otherwise this would have been just business as usual) etc.

I need a translator to figure this one out....somebody please help.

ok, i will try again. the point is that people who lead full lives and are desirable do not obsess about strangers they briefly met on a bus. the obsession itself as revealed through contact will cement the guy's opinion of OP. and yes he could be flattered by it at the same time, but that's of no use to OP.

[Anonymous]

I was always a female "aggressor" in my single days. If I was into someone I made sure he knew. Was it always reciprocated? No, of corse not, because that's the nature f the game. Men put themselves out there all the time and sometimes they get rejected, sometimes not. It's a numbers game.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I say go for it. I'd be flattered. There have been lots of times when I chatted with girls and then kicked myself later for not getting her number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a guy, I'd say go for it. I wouldn't think you were a stalker. I think many women are responding here and would themselves be creeped out if a guy did this, but it doesn't work that way for men.

Not all men work the same. 3 of my 4 brothers are very tall, good looking single men. They have all been nice to women they met on trips and then were approached over SM by some women after returning home. They were not flattered by it although the women were reasonably attractive. They thought the women were desperate at best and potentially dangerous.

Your brothers sound weird and very uptight. Are you Mormons by any chance?

Not Mormon, just good looking and confident enough to give their info only to women they find attractive. But you sound weird and bigoted. I guess you accept whatever is flung your way.

[Anonymous]

OP, just reach out instead of sitting and over analyzing the situation. If he responds, great! If not, let it go. Very easy. Don't think too much about it.

[Anonymous]

OP Here -- you guys are just awesome... I love all of these comments and suggestions... all valid. I'm leaning towards leaving this behind as a fun memory. Too complicated, I am really not the creepy type and he lives far away so what's the point?

Anyway, FWIW, there is a bit more to the story... I was traveling alone with my kids and they were very distracting -- I was there for us, not to meet guys. He was traveling solo on his way to a guys camping trip, so he seemed to just want to zone out and enjoy the scenery. Anyway, my assumption is that he was not married... but he was super cute so my guess is that there must at least be a gf (s). We're both mid-40s. I have not dated in a while, so I am a bit out of the flirting game. Anyway, we didn't even know each others names until the latter part of the day when he introduced himself to me a bit sheepishly... like, we've spent the day having fun and are good friends now and I feel silly that we don't even know each others names. That said, at the end of the trip, we got separated (tour bus change and seats changed) and then we wound up getting off the bus at different times and suddenly he was gone. I feel bad I didn't even say goodbye because I was distracted gathering up kids and stuff.

Anyhoo... it's all unrealistic... I am not literally "obesessed" but am enjoying the feeling of having a crush, and being flirted with by a cute, interesting, funny, nice guy. Who knows, probably an ax murderer. Anyway, thanks for indulging me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- you guys are just awesome... I love all of these comments and suggestions... all valid. I'm leaning towards leaving this behind as a fun memory. Too complicated, I am really not the creepy type and he lives far away so what's the point?

Anyway, FWIW, there is a bit more to the story... I was traveling alone with my kids and they were very distracting -- I was there for us, not to meet guys. He was traveling solo on his way to a guys camping trip, so he seemed to just want to zone out and enjoy the scenery. Anyway, my assumption is that he was not married... but he was super cute so my guess is that there must at least be a gf (s). We're both mid-40s. I have not dated in a while, so I am a bit out of the flirting game. Anyway, we didn't even know each others names until the latter part of the day when he introduced himself to me a bit sheepishly... like, we've spent the day having fun and are good friends now and I feel silly that we don't even know each others names. That said, at the end of the trip, we got separated (tour bus change and seats changed) and then we wound up getting off the bus at different times and suddenly he was gone. I feel bad I didn't even say goodbye because I was distracted gathering up kids and stuff.

Anyhoo... it's all unrealistic... I am not literally "obesessed" but am enjoying the feeling of having a crush, and being flirted with by a cute, interesting, funny, nice guy. Who knows, probably an ax murderer. Anyway, thanks for indulging me!

Good friends know each other's names without cyber searching.

OP, I think maybe you're just feeling a bit lonely and bogged down between work and parenting. Maybe this is a hint for you to start dating again? It doesn't have to be serious, but just to have fun or maybe just hang out with your girlfriends a little more.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- you guys are just awesome... I love all of these comments and suggestions... all valid. I'm leaning towards leaving this behind as a fun memory. Too complicated, I am really not the creepy type and he lives far away so what's the point?

Anyway, FWIW, there is a bit more to the story... I was traveling alone with my kids and they were very distracting -- I was there for us, not to meet guys. He was traveling solo on his way to a guys camping trip, so he seemed to just want to zone out and enjoy the scenery. Anyway, my assumption is that he was not married... but he was super cute so my guess is that there must at least be a gf (s). We're both mid-40s. I have not dated in a while, so I am a bit out of the flirting game. Anyway, we didn't even know each others names until the latter part of the day when he introduced himself to me a bit sheepishly... like, we've spent the day having fun and are good friends now and I feel silly that we don't even know each others names. That said, at the end of the trip, we got separated (tour bus change and seats changed) and then we wound up getting off the bus at different times and suddenly he was gone. I feel bad I didn't even say goodbye because I was distracted gathering up kids and stuff.

Guy here. If you were with kids, I would assume you were married (unless you specifically mentioned that you weren't?). Maybe he didn't ask for your number because he thought you were married. Also, the "distracted by kid stuff" thing is a new angle - from the original post I thought you guys said "bye" and went your separate ways. So maybe he saw you trying to round up your kids and their stuff and just thought "sheesh I am never going to find a moment to ask the exasperated busy mom for her number".

So I would say, you really have nothing to lose by getting in touch with this guy.

[Anonymous]

This is the point of fb! Lol ! Just shoot off a msg.