FTM - will I want my mom right away?
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Anonymous
This. My mom and I have a decent but not great relationship...but it's more good than bad. I was a little hesitant about whether I wanted her to come right away, but in the end that's how it worked out. The one thing I know about my mom is that she takes care of everything, she and I are more similar than different in how we approach things, and she is really low maintenance. So she arrived while we were still in the hospital. When we came home, she had already cooked a huge meal and tidied up. She cooked/prepped all of our meals while she was in town, about 2 weeks in she insisted on our going out for a night alone (which was a good idea though I was opposed to it at the time), she never tried to take the baby from me when I was holding her but she did watch her so I could shower etc, she knitted a whole bunch of cute stuff for DD, and mostly she was the only person around who clearly cared the most about *me* and how I was doing. It's almost as if seeing me with a baby reminded her of how I'm her baby, so her biggest concern was that I was doing alright. Sometimes this was ridiculous, like when she gave me a long lecture about not carrying a laundry basket up and down stairs because I would permanently damage my hip joint or something, but typically it was just reminding me to eat and rest etc. Physically, for me the first 2 weeks PP were the hardest. And physical care-taking is the kind my mom is best at. So I would say that if you think you can rely on your mom to help that way and not try to monopolize the baby, have her come right away! |
Anonymous
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I'm so surprised by how many people had their moms and mils come over and stay or help or both.
I admit an extra set of hands would be been nice especially with subsequent kids, but some of the best memories were just me, dh, and baby and working as a team entering parenthood with all of its craziness. Thinking back, having my mom or mil there would be too much of a 3rd wheel. |
Anonymous
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Mine is a best laid plans story.
Our plan for our first child was to have my parents come immediately, and stay for 2 weeks. Then have my DH's parents come (MIL drives me crazy). My sister was on standby to fly in and help whenever. My father ended up having a stroke the day I went into labor, and died 3 weeks later. So DH and I were on our own for first 2 weeks, ILs came, and then we were flying with a newborn to a funeral. Went back to my mother's during my maternity leave with baby to take care of her. Child 2 - my mom came and was a big help. Took care of older, filled freezer with tons of homemade soups we lived on for months, cooked and entertained my ILs when they came. Cried when she left. My point is it will all work out. |
Anonymous
I think it really depends on what they do. I'm a PP, and my mom focused on keeping our house running and food ready so DH and I could figure out the baby stuff together. She did provide advice etc, but she was mostly not taking care of the baby unless we asked her to do so. It actually made it easier for DH and I to figure out the parenting stuff together, because we were less stressed about keeping ourselves taken care of as well. Not every grandmother would be willing to take on this role, though. |
Anonymous
You obviously didn't have a c section or colicky baby. My mil stayed for 4 months and it was still so hard! |
Anonymous
| Take all the help you can get! |
Anonymous
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Someone said it best on a thread a while ago:"I wouldn't have cared if Satan himself was staying with me as long as he was making me dinner."
You won't feel smothered or annoyed. Trust me. Having someone there to bring you snacks and do laundry and tidy up is MUCH APPRECIATED. I laid in bed all day nursing and cuddling and my mom did all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and laundry. |
Anonymous
My mom made it POSSIBLE for my husband and I to love on our son and each other without a care in the world (sort of). She prepped 3 meals, snacks, cleaned, shopped, etc. Without her my husband would've been working to clean and cook and take care of me. |
Anonymous
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I said NO WAY to anyone in the delivery room. By the end I was begging for my mom. Luckily, she was in the waiting room and she stayed up all night with the baby so that I could rest. She'd bring the baby to me to nurse and then take him back to change him and rock him back to sleep.
If your mom will do something similar or cook or clean, then yes. It's a huge help. If she won't help, then no, don't do it. I definitely wouldn't want anyone waiting a month or two beforehand though. That's way overkill. |
Anonymous
| FTM who is currently pregnant. My mom (and dad) came up 4 weeks early and they rented an apartment nearby for a year. It has been incredible so far and the baby isn't even here. I'm slowing down even though I'm fighting it and the help has been great (and I have a very helpful DH, so no criticism of him). Extra hands cooking, shopping, helping me clean, telling me all the baby stories in my family, passing on family baby heirlooms and helping me set up the baby's room. It makes me a little sad thinking they won't always be in the same city as me and that this is what I'm missing out on when I moved to DC. Local moms probably get this all the time. She's obviously thrilled about the grandchild and it's great to see someone else who's almost as thrilled as DH and I. |
Anonymous
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My mom was in town and baby was born on a Wednesday. DH and I came home Friday and she stopped by with my dad Sat and Sun to bring us groceries and dinner and spend about an hour.
My DH went back to work Monday so my mom was with me during the day all week from 9-5. It was great. By Thursday I was able to handle stuff myself confidently but it was great to just have an errand runner, companionship, mom-daughter bonding, and ride along while she drove me to a store to walk in my myself for 5 minutes. By Friday I was fine for a half day alone, and the next week I had built up the confidence to do it all day. She came by very frequently at lunch for a few months because she worked nearby - it was so helpful and something to look forward to. My MIL came 10 days later. They wanted to drive up the day before I was induced and about a month out I told DH that I felt that was too much and that no one had really consulted me about those plans. My main thing that I wanted privacy the first several days - even my own parents stopped by for just a few minutes in those early days. They wanted to help us and not bond with the baby; I knew MIL was really wanting to "bond" and I wasn't ready for that. DH was amazing and arranged to have them come the 2nd weekend. It was fine. If I had another kid I'd be fine with MIL spending more time, but I'd still want a bit of distance in the very beginning. |
Anonymous
Wow, a year? Is this common in your social circle? Can I ask what's going on with their housing, etc back home? Are they renting their home out? I'm also curious to know (if you don't mind sharing!) if your parents might be immigrants? The only parents I know who have moved to be with their adult children were of certain immigrant groups (different cultural outlook). |
Anonymous
I wanted my mom to come but I regretted it. She didn't help at all. She just wanted to hold the baby, criticize me and complain about how tired she was. 
I promise to be a helpful mom and MIL when my time comes! I will clean the damn toilets. |
Anonymous
| My mom came when DH went back to work (4 wk pp). I liked having the quiet time with just DH and DS. It was around the holidays and really relaxing. |
Anonymous
| I wish my mom could have come but my father was dying so it was just me and DH. It ended up being nice but it was really hard without any help. |