FTM - will I want my mom right away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don't want the first two weeks to be 3 of you. It's not rainbows and butterflies, OP. It can be, but it's HARD. You will be sore and your boobs will be achy rocks. It's exhausting. It's not blissful.

It actually WAS unicorns and bliss for us BECAUSE my mom was here. She made it so my husband and I could take care of each other and the baby. My husband and I would lie down in our bed, the 3 of us, for cuddles and naps while my mom would be in the kitchen cooking. THAT was perfect. She left us alone, mostly, and did all housekeeping.

And at 2am when the baby would not sleep, she held him while I went to sleep.

Speak for yourself. I LOVED having just me. DH, and the baby for the first two weeks. My mother is wonderful. But spending that time as a new family without anyone else was amazing.

My mom came just short of the 2 week mark, which was when neighbors had stopped dropping off food and our freezer meal supply had run out, the laundry was piling up, the house was getting messy, the baby wasn’t sleeping as well, and we were starting to get exhausted. It was perfect timing IMO.

[Anonymous]

Omg im jealous of your moms offer!! I had my MIL come the day after we got home from the hospital for a week. Then my dad came for a week. Then my mom came for a week, all back to back. I don’t know how I would have kept my sanity or gotten any sleep those first weeks without their help. I would have accepted it for as long as I could.

[Anonymous]

Be really honest with yourself about whether they will actually be helpful or not. I knew my mom wouldn’t but couldn’t keep her away. All she did was hold the baby and hang around awkwardly. If we asked, she would fold laundry or something but we had to come up with tasks for her. I was having a hard time breastfeeding and having to pump after feeding so I already felt like I wasn’t getting to hold my baby. If you have a mom who will really jump right in with chores like laundry and cooking (and you are ok having your mom do that for you) then go for it! Sounds amazing and I’m jealous of all these moms on here. Hopefully if my daughter has a baby one day, I can be like them.

[Anonymous]

I think it comes down to this: Is your mom going to roll up her sleeves are start helping you and around the house, or is she going to cause more work for you? If it's the latter, then she should come at a later stage. If shes the type to jump in and notice that her needs are secondary in this situation, then she should come. She should be willing to be a helper during your time of need.

[Anonymous]

If you and your mom get along AND she is the helpful type AND she’s renting her own place (not staying w you)? That will be wonderful to have her there! Take her up on the offer for sure.

[Anonymous]

I’d have her come after 1 month and stay as long as you want her to.

[Anonymous]

OP, congratulations!! Here’s another vote for having her come right away after the birth. I, too, am very independent and wasn’t sure how it would go. My mom has the ability to drive me absolutely insane.

She was wonderful and the first weeks were when I needed her most because I had no idea what I was doing. We made wonderful memories. She stayed for a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

I was with my daughters for the first 4 weeks. It was wonderful for everyone.

[Anonymous]

This is a 6-year-old thread, people. The OP has figured it out.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom I didn’t want her to come until 2 weeks postpartum. She’s pretty cold and we aren’t super close. During labor and those first 2 weeks I cried a lot and badly wished I had not been so adamant I didn’t want here there. I wanted her there more than my husband. I had a complicated labor that went poorly and my husband was not helpful. I still wish she had come to help us during it, we were exhausted and our doula was horrible and we needed someone to help us navigate our decisions and support us with pushy and rude nurses and insensitive residents. It’s a big regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my mom I didn’t want her to come until 2 weeks postpartum. She’s pretty cold and we aren’t super close. During labor and those first 2 weeks I cried a lot and badly wished I had not been so adamant I didn’t want here there. I wanted her there more than my husband. I had a complicated labor that went poorly and my husband was not helpful. I still wish she had come to help us during it, we were exhausted and our doula was horrible and we needed someone to help us navigate our decisions and support us with pushy and rude nurses and insensitive residents. It’s a big regret.

Ugh serves you right for being so arrogant. So many of these posters sound like such divas, dictating exactly what their moms should be doing and when. On top of that, several PP’s said they’re not close to their moms though most of the moms came out to help.

So much ingratitude. Your relationships with your children are not going to be any different because you suck.

[Anonymous]

Our set up was perfect for us-

Dh took two weeks off work, I did 3rd week by myself, my mom came weeks 4-6. When I opened the door for her, I literally broke down in to a puddle of happy tears. Hormones are wild.

[Anonymous]

With my first, my DH and I had two days to ourselves before family came that I honestly cannot remember. Truly a blur. My husband's family came for a few days after and I will say I had no idea how to ask for help. They offered to help with night feeds and grocery runs, but as a generally independent person, that felt like a huge burden to put on them. My mom and dad came when they left and it was SO helpful. It is so nice to have people who will care for you, know what you need and you know you can ask them to do just about anything. They would take the baby at 5am, let us sleep in, make us breakfast, do laundry and have the house clean for us. They were hugely helpful and I'm so thankful they flew out. I wish they lived closer.

In retrospect, we didn't know how to ask help when my husband's family was in town but it was just so nice to have my parents jump in and care for us without question or apprehensions. Take the help. It will be such a special time for your family AND for your relationship with your mom. My mom mentioned over and over again how thankful she was she could be there to help us and take care of her grandson.

[Anonymous]

My mom came 3 weeks before my due date but the baby came on the 3rd day when she was here. She stayed for 3 months. Baby number 2, we got her a month before the baby came and she stayed for a year.

[Anonymous]

I’m a recently second time mom and yes, yes, yes, you will want mom right away. Asap as in even close to delivery in those last few days. My god…you will definitely want her. (End of my advice as I learned the hard way with my first).