Sister is infertile/I have 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

But it wouldn't be their sibling necessarily. It could be an egg donation from someone else (or her egg depending on the fertility issue). And her husband's sperm. Maybe read about how this works.

[Anonymous]

I distanced myself from all friends and family with little children for the longest time while TTC. Eventually a family member offered after she had 2 children of her own, carried one for me before having a third. We took the offer instantly without thinking twice and will never forget her generosity.

[Anonymous]

Op there is nothing you can do for your sister. I'd just not speak to her about it. She's already shown she can't handle her situation. I would probably distance myself from her.

I used to have a coworker that was infertile. She spent a fortune on IVF treatments that failed. For years she was a total biyatch to everyone around her. She used to curse her husband out on the phone all the time and was just mean and nasty. She finally got pregnant and had a baby and turned into a totally different, friendlier person. I think for some reason infertility just makes some women turn completely nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's only one way to solve this. Give her your 4th kid. Otherwise you're just rubbing it in her face and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Do you really need 4 kids when there is overpopulation? Or are you just doing it because you can?

Yeah. If I was you, Id offer to carry a baby for her.

It's easy for an infertile person to say that. You have no experience with carrying a baby or giving birth. It would be devastating to give a baby away. There's no way I would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I distanced myself from all friends and family with little children for the longest time while TTC. Eventually a family member offered after she had 2 children of her own, carried one for me before having a third. We took the offer instantly without thinking twice and will never forget her generosity.

OP does not have generosity in her heart.

[Anonymous]

This thread is going all sorts of crazy places.

Is EVERYONE drunk this afternoon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Not sure of her infertility problems, but can you give her eggs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's only one way to solve this. Give her your 4th kid. Otherwise you're just rubbing it in her face and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Do you really need 4 kids when there is overpopulation? Or are you just doing it because you can?

Yeah. If I was you, Id offer to carry a baby for her.

It's easy for an infertile person to say that. You have no experience with carrying a baby or giving birth. It would be devastating to give a baby away. There's no way I would do it.

I have two kids. I would do it. Not devastating when you know from the start it is someone else's baby,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

You don't get rights over someone else's body because yours is fucked up. Every pregnancy carries a risk. No one has an obligation to take on that risk and emotional pain for another person. Not even for a sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's only one way to solve this. Give her your 4th kid. Otherwise you're just rubbing it in her face and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Do you really need 4 kids when there is overpopulation? Or are you just doing it because you can?

Yeah. If I was you, Id offer to carry a baby for her.

It's easy for an infertile person to say that. You have no experience with carrying a baby or giving birth. It would be devastating to give a baby away. There's no way I would do it.

I'm not infertile. After I was done having my own children, I'd offer for my sister as long as there were no health risks on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's only one way to solve this. Give her your 4th kid. Otherwise you're just rubbing it in her face and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Do you really need 4 kids when there is overpopulation? Or are you just doing it because you can?

Yeah. If I was you, Id offer to carry a baby for her.

It's easy for an infertile person to say that. You have no experience with carrying a baby or giving birth. It would be devastating to give a baby away. There's no way I would do it.

I have two kids. I would do it. Not devastating when you know from the start it is someone else's baby,

Sure you do. How much did you pay for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

[Anonymous]

OP I would grow your family as your heart,mind,family sees fit and just try to keep your heart open to your sister to come into your life when she is ready. There is nothing wrong with wanting a bigger family no matter what other posters are trying to say regarding how her struggle should determine your family size. Infertility is very hard for some folks, so try to be there for her but also allow your feelings to matter too. I.e. you can have compassion without sacrificing things important to your life that are not done to harm/hurt others. I strongly doubt you would take on a fourth child and caring for one just to spite her or make her jealous as one PP alluded to. A child is a wonderful gift and when if she is ready let her know there is room for her in both your heart and that of your kiddos. Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PPs who are questioning your desire to have a 4th child is ridiculous. It's your life, you only have one life, and if you and your family want to have another child, you should definitely go for it.

You are making another person to love and to love you back and to love your family. Not doing that because your sister is bitter over her fertility problems is wrong, if it is what you want to do. If you want to bring more love into the world and you can bring more love into the world, do it. Don't let someone else's hurt and anger stop you. If she chooses to see it as an affront, rather than an opportunity for her to have another family member so be it.

Your sister has to choose between bitterness and being the best aunt anyone could ever have. It is up to her, not up to you.

"Bringing more love into the world"... hmm, kind of a zero sum game, isn't it? Because OP is choosing away to take away love that is already there.

What does this even mean?