Do you ever worry that your child might not be "elite college material"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

I grew up in DC and went to prep school. 100% of my classmates went to college. I work in a fairly highly compensated field where 100% of the professional workers went to college. I'm upper middle class so I know very few people who didn't go to college. I know the difference in average life time earnings between those with a high school degree and those with a college degree. It's really a class thing. Upper class and upper middle class people all go to college. There are a few outliers, but it is just expected and assumed. You don't send your kid to prep school if everyone isn't planning on them going to college.

What? It's not a class thing. Our HHI is somewhere between 500k and 800k depending on bonuses. So what class would you put us in? Yet we could both list several people we are friends with who didn't go to college or at least didn't go right away in their late teens/early twenties. They're all doing fine financially by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

Oh come on. Everyone KNOWS people who didn't graduate from college, even people who own homes in the richest zip codes in the US, as I do. Here, I'll star -- I know the guys who cut my grass, the musician who teaches my son guitar, my son's nanny from Guatemala. Going further, I have two different cousins in two states who went to beauty school and cut hair at Bubbes for a living. I have one third cousin who went into the Army and did two tours of Iraq. However, I've never met this this guy, I just hear about him at larger family gatherings. EVERYone knows persons who didn't attend college.

Do I have an actual friend who maxed out with a high school diploma? No, I guess I don't.

Flip it around: the man who dries your car with rags at the Wash N Shine ... how many actual friends do you think he has chosen who have PhDs or MDs ?

Np. You're not friendly with your nanny or your son's tutor who I'm assuming you see at least once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

Enjoy Virginia Tech.

Isn't a very top engineering school, but I'll help you out despite your misfired snark. I think you were trying to make fun of the prospect of going to a large, state U. in a non-urbane city -- a school that isn't a top-25 overall university, amiright?

Next time you try to mock a kid for aiming for the very best engineering schools that aren't Stanford, here are some you should try. "Have fun in _________ "

Georgia Tech
U. of Illinois (omg, right? Illinois ?!?!
Purdue
Carnegie Mellon (<-- pretty good name, but you'll still get to chortle to yourself only because CM is in Pittsburgh, which is fucking hilarious)

WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

If I'm honest I'd have to admit that I'm a bit of a college snob. Sh and I both went to Ivies and college reputation was important to me when sizing someone up professionally. Our first two children were exceptionally good students, earning their way into elite colleges, and I was very proud. What changed me was my third child with a learning disability. For the first time I had to confront my own college snobbery. She's not going to an elite college, and I realize now that it isn't that important. What mattered was finding a school were she could be happy and succeed on her own terms. These days I'm less smug about the college thing. I wish I'd been more open minded from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

I grew up in DC and went to prep school. 100% of my classmates went to college. I work in a fairly highly compensated field where 100% of the professional workers went to college. I'm upper middle class so I know very few people who didn't go to college. I know the difference in average life time earnings between those with a high school degree and those with a college degree. It's really a class thing. Upper class and upper middle class people all go to college. There are a few outliers, but it is just expected and assumed. You don't send your kid to prep school if everyone isn't planning on them going to college.

Hey everyone! Mr. "Prep" School is back!

[Anonymous]

I want my child to be able to get into a top 25 school, but I don't want her to actually WANT to go to one; I'd prefer she have a more balanced college experience, and some Non-Type-A roommates and classmates
So I have 2 fears: one fear that she wouldn't qualify, and one fear that she'd choose that life

[Anonymous]

My two kids are in middle school and they already know they are going to state schools after high school. DH and I received fantastic educations at Maryland state schools and graduated with zero loans to pay off. DH was already working in his field at the time of graduation and I started my job the day after graduation.

In fact, I noticed early on that the graduates I worked with from the private schools lacked maturity and focus. It was an eye-opener for me because my classmates at UMBC were so much more mature and career ready upon graduation.

[Anonymous]

There was a good article about this in the OnParenting blog in the post a month or two ago--about how even middle school kids and their parents are worrying about this, and how it can lead directly to unhappiness. I will try to find it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I worry that my DC will take after single sibs and never get married or have kids and live a life of loneliness.

Academics? Easy. Love? Difficult.

Such a western answer.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/westerners-want-love-while-eastern-citizens-wish-for-better-health-a6786011.html

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is any different than a lot of dad's in flyover country sad in middle school that their son(s) won't be d1 or professional level athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's bad to be a "competitive, striver person" WTF?

Being competitive is one thing. Being condescending or judgmental is another. Plenty of DCUM posters fall into the latter.

[Anonymous]

Generally white collar workers go to college and blue collar workers don't. There are some exceptions but it's often true. Also, white collar and blue collar people live in different neighborhoods, kids go to different schools and as a result they don't socialize together that much. It's not that surprising I wouldn't have friends without college degrees. I have a few family members who married "down" or just couldn't hack college.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.



Enjoy Virginia Tech.


Isn't a very top engineering school, but I'll help you out despite your misfired snark. I think you were trying to make fun of the prospect of going to a large, state U. in a non-urbane city -- a school that isn't a top-25 overall university, amiright?

Next time you try to mock a kid for aiming for the very best engineering schools that aren't Stanford, here are some you should try. "Have fun in _________ "

Georgia Tech
U. of Illinois (omg, right? Illinois ?!?!
Purdue
Carnegie Mellon (<-- pretty good name, but you'll still get to chortle to yourself only because CM is in Pittsburgh, which is fucking hilarious)


WTF is wrong with you?

My husband went to Stanford, my dad went to VA tech, and my son goes to GA tech, and I have the same question as the PP.

[Anonymous]

I'm more worried that my children won't have the work ethic and drive they need to succeed in the world regardless of where they go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I worry that my DC will take after single sibs and never get married or have kids and live a life of loneliness.

Academics? Easy. Love? Difficult.

You can be married with kids and lonely. Which you seem to be since you have nothing better to do that obsess over the love lives of your siblings.

WOW! I certainly touched somebody's nerve ... and rather quickly. Is that you, BIL?