Do you ever worry that your child might not be "elite college material"?

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with you. There is something about this area that attracts these kinds of competitive, striver people and it is occasionally sickening when you hear them being honest about. I was talking with a group of people recently and a bunch of them said they don't know anyone who didn't go to college (the corollary being that they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college). I was amazed. Talk about being in a bubble. Even if you were raised in a wealthy environment, how can you not have made friends with different people as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the elitism around here astounds me. The way people talk about their children's futures - like they're already on some secret list signed up for HYP. I want to say to them, do you realize how hard it is to get in there nowadays? You have to have perfect grades AND be completely amazing at some outside endeavor. Do you realize how few people can be both? Will you be seriously disappointed if your child is not accepted to a top 25 schools? Just curious.

I'm almost more worried that they might go to an elite school based on what I have seen in some grads of those schools, and the pressure they put on themselves and their families to project a outsize narcissistic image of prestige, damn all actual reality or vulnerability. Screwed up values, and not a recipe for a well-realized life. Unwise. And before you tell me we are unlikely to have to worry about it, I am speaking from personal experience with my parents. Even as a teen I dropped the east coast off my application list because even then I judged the values are too effed up and the milieu wouldn't be good for my development. I went to a MW SLAC and had a lovely, scholarly time with no guilt, no shame, no vaunting and no arrogance. Be healthy. Share the health.

[Anonymous]

So it's bad to be a "competitive, striver person" WTF?

[Anonymous]

I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's bad to be a "competitive, striver person" WTF?

Competitive and striving are two separate things. And yes, being competitive is old-fashioned and not particularly productive.

[Anonymous]

I'm not worried about him getting into an elite college. Any college will do. I'm worried what he'll do once he gets there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

Enjoy Virginia Tech.

Isn't a very top engineering school, but I'll help you out despite your misfired snark. I think you were trying to make fun of the prospect of going to a large, state U. in a non-urbane city -- a school that isn't a top-25 overall university, amiright?

Next time you try to mock a kid for aiming for the very best engineering schools that aren't Stanford, here are some you should try. "Have fun in _________ "

Georgia Tech
U. of Illinois (omg, right? Illinois ?!?!
Purdue
Carnegie Mellon (<-- pretty good name, but you'll still get to chortle to yourself only because CM is in Pittsburgh, which is fucking hilarious)

[Anonymous]

Not worried at all and I'm being 100% honest when I say this. It doesn't matter to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

U of Wisconsin isn't that easy to get into either you know.

It is for a certain profile. It's where the disappointed Sidwell parents send their mid-pack, affluent white kids with no hook, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

Oh come on. Everyone KNOWS people who didn't graduate from college, even people who own homes in the richest zip codes in the US, as I do. Here, I'll star -- I know the guys who cut my grass, the musician who teaches my son guitar, my son's nanny from Guatemala. Going further, I have two different cousins in two states who went to beauty school and cut hair at Bubbes for a living. I have one third cousin who went into the Army and did two tours of Iraq. However, I've never met this this guy, I just hear about him at larger family gatherings. EVERYone knows persons who didn't attend college.

Do I have an actual friend who maxed out with a high school diploma? No, I guess I don't.

Flip it around: the man who dries your car with rags at the Wash N Shine ... how many actual friends do you think he has chosen who have PhDs or MDs ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that is possible PP. If you work long hours, you are probably surrounded by other well educated people like yourself. Your friends are probably from high school, college and where you work. Ditto on your spouse.

Well the weird thing (to me) was that they didn't appear even slightly embarrassed or sheepish about it. I don't know, I thought it was odd. I don't think it is a good thing to be so far in a bubble that you quite literally don't know anyone not like you: who doesn't come from a wealthy background or made different choices in life, such as to go into the military for example or to go to culinary or beauty school instead of college. Not to mention their assumption that people who did pursue a different path are somehow inferior (which in my mind was the implication in saying they would be seriously disappointed if their DC didn't go to college - some of the people I was talking with couldn't even imagine the possibility; they assume they have total control over their DC's decisions).

I grew up in DC and went to prep school. 100% of my classmates went to college. I work in a fairly highly compensated field where 100% of the professional workers went to college. I'm upper middle class so I know very few people who didn't go to college. I know the difference in average life time earnings between those with a high school degree and those with a college degree. It's really a class thing. Upper class and upper middle class people all go to college. There are a few outliers, but it is just expected and assumed. You don't send your kid to prep school if everyone isn't planning on them going to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never ever.

The older I get I realize happiness with one's life is what matters most.

My sister and cousin have multiple businesses together. They both went to our state university. They do very well financially, work 40 hours mostly from home on their own schedule. My cousin is currently on an extended European vacation with her kids.

Elite colleges don't garuentee happiness.

what kind of businesses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's bad to be a "competitive, striver person" WTF?

Competitive and striving are two separate things. And yes, being competitive is old-fashioned and not particularly productive.

Old-fashioned? How so?

Oh wait - is this part of the current victimhood culture? got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will be seriously disappointed if DS (now 12) is not accepted to a top 25 school. Or a top 10 school for his major, which is looking like it could be engineering. The very best engineering schools don't overlap neatly with absolute top 25.

I will love him just the same if he winds up at U. Wisconsin though. And he will have a nice life if that happens. But it's not wrong to strive for better.

Enjoy Virginia Tech.

Isn't a very top engineering school, but I'll help you out despite your misfired snark. I think you were trying to make fun of the prospect of going to a large, state U. in a non-urbane city -- a school that isn't a top-25 overall university, amiright?

Next time you try to mock a kid for aiming for the very best engineering schools that aren't Stanford, here are some you should try. "Have fun in _________ "

Georgia Tech
U. of Illinois (omg, right? Illinois ?!?!
Purdue
Carnegie Mellon (<-- pretty good name, but you'll still get to chortle to yourself only because CM is in Pittsburgh, which is fucking hilarious)

I didn't go there, but it sure sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder about WI. Like I said, enjoy Virginia Tech!