Is this unfair ( sexual history related)?

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that so many people here would be comfortable with a partner who wouldn't share any details of his/her sexual past. I would find the situation OP describes to be odd and unsettling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that so many people here would be comfortable with a partner who wouldn't share any details of his/her sexual past. I would find the situation OP describes to be odd and unsettling.

She knows he was not a virgin, that he was STD-free, and that they are using protection. Frankly that's pretty much all I know about my husband of ten years.

[Anonymous]

His first time was probably with a prostitute and he doesn't want you to know.

[Anonymous]

Most guys have a video of the first time. It is fairly common to just show the video to all girlfriends after the first. Save a lot of time and you can see what the girl looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys have a video of the first time. It is fairly common to just show the video to all girlfriends after the first. Save a lot of time and you can see what the girl looks like.

We have it in immersive 3-d.

[Anonymous]

It's a pandora's box to someone like OP. It won't end with just this information. She will not be able to stop thinking about it and will continue to want to know more and more until she drives her boyfriend away with the neediness. Grow up and realize this is none of your business and that you don't really want to know and enjoy what you have at this moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes. This definitely fits into the category of "private."

I find your badgering him about it to be immature and offputting. Frankly, I'd dump you if you did this to me. My guess is you've made such a big deal about yours -- assigning a lot of pointless meaning and symbolism to it -- that he suspects his own circumstances won't measure up to whatever ideal you have, so he sees little upside in sharing it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure he had known this was the price of having sex with you, he would have chosen differently.

[Anonymous]

You waited until age 25 but did not get close enough to this man to find out facts about his life that matter to you before sleeping with him.

You're well within your rights if you want the kind of relationship where you and your partner discuss every last detail of your lives, but you establish that first if that's what you want.

You're either a very naive person who just slept with a man who doesn't see you as emotional partner material or you're a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes. This definitely fits into the category of "private."

I find your badgering him about it to be immature and offputting. Frankly, I'd dump you if you did this to me. My guess is you've made such a big deal about yours -- assigning a lot of pointless meaning and symbolism to it -- that he suspects his own circumstances won't measure up to whatever ideal you have, so he sees little upside in sharing it.

How exactly am I badgering him? I have asked him all of 2 times. 2 times! Losing my virginity was a big deal and he knows that. I had a lot of body image , self-esteem, and trust issues that made it hard for me to get close to anyone until I met him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You waited until age 25 but did not get close enough to this man to find out facts about his life that matter to you before sleeping with him.

You're well within your rights if you want the kind of relationship where you and your partner discuss every last detail of your lives, but you establish that first if that's what you want.

You're either a very naive person who just slept with a man who doesn't see you as emotional partner material or you're a troll.

Where have I said I want that?
I haven't that's your own projection, because it's definitely not my words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes. This definitely fits into the category of "private."

I find your badgering him about it to be immature and offputting. Frankly, I'd dump you if you did this to me. My guess is you've made such a big deal about yours -- assigning a lot of pointless meaning and symbolism to it -- that he suspects his own circumstances won't measure up to whatever ideal you have, so he sees little upside in sharing it.

How exactly am I badgering him? I have asked him all of 2 times. 2 times! Losing my virginity was a big deal and he knows that. I had a lot of body image , self-esteem, and trust issues that made it hard for me to get close to anyone until I met him.

Then, as an adult, it's time to learn an important thing. And that thing is: Sometimes, the problem is YOU and it's up to you to deal with it. Yr self esteem and body issues are your problem. Relying on a significant other to make you feel better doesn't ever change the problem.

So, sit and examine WITH YOURSELF why this is so important to you. Pick it apart, and examine it carefully. And learn from it. This will be the first of many hang ups that you will feel are mountains, I predict. Asking him two times was one time too many.

[Anonymous]

You asked, so I'll join the others and say no, it's not fair.

What happened before you doesn't belong to you and should have no bearing on your relationship. Whatever the reason, the bottom line is that he doesn't want to share it and he doesn't have to. What you do with his choice is up to you.

Your complaint about the answers you got here is a pretty good indication that wouldn't react well to an answer you don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Because it's HIS history. With your next boyfriend, are you going to talk about this boyfriend? Probably not. It's insensitive to talk about past partners beyond getting tested for STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes. This definitely fits into the category of "private."

I find your badgering him about it to be immature and offputting. Frankly, I'd dump you if you did this to me. My guess is you've made such a big deal about yours -- assigning a lot of pointless meaning and symbolism to it -- that he suspects his own circumstances won't measure up to whatever ideal you have, so he sees little upside in sharing it.

How exactly am I badgering him? I have asked him all of 2 times. 2 times! Losing my virginity was a big deal and he knows that. I had a lot of body image , self-esteem, and trust issues that made it hard for me to get close to anyone until I met him.

Then, as an adult, it's time to learn an important thing. And that thing is: Sometimes, the problem is YOU and it's up to you to deal with it. Yr self esteem and body issues are your problem. Relying on a significant other to make you feel better doesn't ever change the problem.

So, sit and examine WITH YOURSELF why this is so important to you. Pick it apart, and examine it carefully. And learn from it. This will be the first of many hang ups that you will feel are mountains, I predict. Asking him two times was one time too many.

Where did I say I was relying on him to make me feel better? People kept mocking me for being a virgin at 25. I waited for so long because I had issues to get over . My boy friend knows that because I told him.