Is this unfair ( sexual history related)?

[Anonymous]

He's probably afraid you'll stalk or otherwise go after the girl he lost his virginity with. Or that'll you'll obsess over and constantly ask for reassurance that you're better or he loves you more. Or that the jealousy will turn you into a total monster and he'll have to break up with you.

There's really nothing good that can come of this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was abused and doesn't want to relive it.

I know it seems pertinent to you right now but it isn't in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being unfair. He has declined discussing it with you. You seem to think you have a right to this information, but you do not.

Have you considered that he's concerned you're one of the jealous types that will freak out about his prior activities and obsess about it? That would be my concern if someone kept questioning me. He's smart to avoid that can of worms. Let it go.

I don't know why people are being so harsh with me and calling me names. I'm not looking to compare myself to the other girl and I have said before I do not want to know specific details about his first time or any other time after.
All I want to know is how old he was and who it was with that's it. To me that's as simple as 18 and it was some girl from Spanish class.

I'm not asking to know what he was wearing, what he had for breakfast the morning of, or a minute by minute play by play of the act. Which is ironic because he knows all that when it comes to me.

The part in bold is what I don't understand. I mean I could understand if this was some random guy I didn't know well, but we've been together for a while now have talked about moving in together and marriage. In general we get a long together, communicate well, but this makes it feel like he's lying to me. I just want a straight answer.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I just truly don't understand why it's none of my business , and maybe that makes me immature or not experienced enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he was abused and doesn't want to relive it.

I know it seems pertinent to you right now but it isn't in the long run.

Or maybe it was so good he didn't want to relieve it front of the OP

[Anonymous]

OP, the more you talk, the crazier you sound.

Let this go.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you should have picked another virgin to have sex with the first time. His previous sex life is not your business, only if he is STI-free. My DH and I have been together for 12 years and we have never discussed our previous relationships. We both had had sex prior to meeting and were clean, that's all we know about each other. You need to either let this go or break up with him over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he was abused and doesn't want to relive it.

I know it seems pertinent to you right now but it isn't in the long run.

Had not considered that. If that's the case isn't that something I should know? We've been together over a year and are talking seriously like living together and marriage. I think that would be something you tell someone you are serious with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the more you talk, the crazier you sound.

Let this go.

What makes me sound crazy?
Other than DCUM just likes to call women crazy.
What have I said that seems crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe you should have picked another virgin to have sex with the first time. His previous sex life is not your business, only if he is STI-free. My DH and I have been together for 12 years and we have never discussed our previous relationships. We both had had sex prior to meeting and were clean, that's all we know about each other. You need to either let this go or break up with him over it.

Maybe you should learn how to read.
I've said over and over I have no interest in his previous relationships. None.
All I want to know is

1. How old he was?

2. Who she was?

No one can tell me why these are such inappropriate things to want to know. I honestly do not understand. I could see if I was asking for details like her cup size or if she gave him a bj or whatever, I would see how those questions would be inappropriate.

Nope I just get called a crazy , jealous stalker who should only hang out with other virgins. So whatever. I'm done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would liken this question to snooping, or opening Pandora's box -Often you'll find exactly what you're looking for, and then y have to deal with the fact that you were better off not knowing.

The fact that you "waited" and were a virgin isn't something you should hold against him. He can't change his past, and the first time WITH YOU is as special as anything else.

I remember losing my virginity, and I also remember the first time with my fiancé. Its that first time with HIM that matters.

[Anonymous]

Listen it's normal to be a little curious. It's NOT normal to be so insistent. WHY do you need to know? What relevance does it have to you or your relationship? Your insistence on this is very weird. Regardless of what you believe, it's really not your business.
How often do you ask him about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe you should have picked another virgin to have sex with the first time. His previous sex life is not your business, only if he is STI-free. My DH and I have been together for 12 years and we have never discussed our previous relationships. We both had had sex prior to meeting and were clean, that's all we know about each other. You need to either let this go or break up with him over it.

Maybe you should learn how to read.
I've said over and over I have no interest in his previous relationships. None.
All I want to know is

1. How old he was?

2. Who she was?

No one can tell me why these are such inappropriate things to want to know. I honestly do not understand. I could see if I was asking for details like her cup size or if she gave him a bj or whatever, I would see how those questions would be inappropriate.

Nope I just get called a crazy , jealous stalker who should only hang out with other virgins. So whatever. I'm done.

Because we don't believe the line of questioning would stop there.

[Anonymous]

09:31 here. You also seem to have a strange attitude of tit-for-tat. You keep repeating that because he knows your information that you must know his. It's immature and a turn off and a sign that you have a weird attitude towards relationships (that everything must be equal or else you're being slighted). It reeks of insecurity and it's going to turn him off. You should just break up.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:33 and 9:34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being unfair. He has declined discussing it with you. You seem to think you have a right to this information, but you do not.

Have you considered that he's concerned you're one of the jealous types that will freak out about his prior activities and obsess about it? That would be my concern if someone kept questioning me. He's smart to avoid that can of worms. Let it go.

I don't know why people are being so harsh with me and calling me names. I'm not looking to compare myself to the other girl and I have said before I do not want to know specific details about his first time or any other time after.
All I want to know is how old he was and who it was with that's it. To me that's as simple as 18 and it was some girl from Spanish class.

I'm not asking to know what he was wearing, what he had for breakfast the morning of, or a minute by minute play by play of the act. Which is ironic because he knows all that when it comes to me.

The part in bold is what I don't understand. I mean I could understand if this was some random guy I didn't know well, but we've been together for a while now have talked about moving in together and marriage. In general we get a long together, communicate well, but this makes it feel like he's lying to me. I just want a straight answer.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I just truly don't understand why it's none of my business , and maybe that makes me immature or not experienced enough.

It's none of your business because it doesn't affect you. Knowing that it was with his first girlfriend when he was 15 upstairs in her bedroom while her parents were making dinner downstairs, or at 25 with some random girl whose name he didn't know against a dumpster behind a bar, doesn't affect who he is with you in your relationship right now. Unless you'd make major decisions about the relationship based on this information, it's not information you need, just information you want and are nosy about, which is what makes it none of your business unless he chooses to share it with you. The fact that you cannot understand this boundary may be a huge sign of why he's not comfortable talking to you about it.