Is this unfair ( sexual history related)?

[Anonymous]

You only want to know the answers to two questions. Seems reasonable.

But it took you quite a while to be able to tell us that. So maybe your conversations with him are similarly ambiguous and are overwhelming him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes, it really is something people don't talk about. It may come up in casual conversation, but I never have and never would insist on knowing about a partner's first time. I'm a woman in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only want to know the answers to two questions. Seems reasonable.

But it took you quite a while to be able to tell us that. So maybe your conversations with him are similarly ambiguous and are overwhelming him.

Thank you!
I don't think so. I have asked him out right before who and how old, and all he says is it was a long time ago and he doesn't really remember. Which to me seems like a lie. He's not that old ,almost 33. It's not like he's 45 or something old and I could see forgetting.
I don't like feeling like he's lying to me, because I like to think of him as a different sort of guy. I mean I did trust him enough to sleep with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you want to know? And how old are you?

I want to know who? and how old he was? I'm 25.

You're being ridiculous and petty. Consider that his first time may have been at age 15 with the school slut, that he didn't love her, just did it so he wouldn't be a virgin, and doesn't care that they never talked again. Consider that his first time may have been at age 17 or 18 as a freshman in college with the TA in his sociology course, and he did it with her because even though he had a girlfriend at the time, she flirted and he realized it would get him an easy A. Wouldn't both of those change how you think of him? If he's 30 or hell, even 26 now, he's a different person than who he was back then. Unless his first time was with one of your immediate family members, it has zero relevance to you. Let it go.

I wouldn't judge him for either of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Your first time was special to you.

His first time was not special to him. Or maybe it was so special to him that he doesn't want to discuss it with you.

No, people do talk about it sometimes, but people in healthy relationships drop it when their partner gives them a broad hint that they don't want to discuss losing their virginity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes, it really is something people don't talk about. It may come up in casual conversation, but I never have and never would insist on knowing about a partner's first time. I'm a woman in my 40s.

Well my experience only consists of him , so I don't know what's normal or not. But at the same time if you were asked you would be able to tell how old you were and with whom, right?

[Anonymous]

"people do talk about it sometimes, but people in healthy relationships drop it when their partner gives them a broad hint that they don't want to discuss losing their virginity."

This exactly!

Just move on, OP.

Have a drink and have more sex.

[Anonymous]

A woman here. I've been with about 30+ partners, I've never asked them once what their first time was like. I could care less. No one really talks about this stuff. I mean I may have brought it up, nonchalantly, but no one really cares. I vaguely remember it and I just care to remember partners with whom I enjoyed myself.

[Anonymous]

Well, I guess I have my answer then. He's not being unfair, and apparently I am.

[Anonymous]

You sound very immature - like you only want to know this info because you want to compare whether you're as special as this other person/experience. Be careful of your petulant childish attitude. If he's NOT an immature 33 yr old, he'll tire of it quick.

[Anonymous]

You're being immature.

Also, maybe he was totally drunk and seduced by the older sister of his friend, or maybe it happened when he was abused. He doesn't want to talk about it or he's blocked those memories out. Who cares? It was a long time ago, and it wasn't important to him.

For most guys, losing your virginity isn't that big of a deal (I'm a guy), so it's often not that memorable. My first time, I finished about 3 seconds later. Hormonal teenager I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I guess I have my answer then. He's not being unfair, and apparently I am.

Not necessarily. Is this really about this specific question or do you sense a general lack of intimacy (not just physical) in the relationship? If it's the former, then yes, let it go, if the latter then you need to think more about how well suited you are to each other.

I have always discussed sexual history and first times with previous partners, not even in a "let's exchange medical histories" way but in a casual, swapping stories and getting to know each other sort of way. If someone really didn't want to share or seemed awkward about the question I would drop it as an isolated instance. BUT, if it seemed more a pattern of a greater lack of intimacy and unwillingness to open up about who he is I would consider breaking up because I know myself, my needs, and that such a person would not be a good match for me. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, just that we would not make a good couple.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being unfair. He has declined discussing it with you. You seem to think you have a right to this information, but you do not.

Have you considered that he's concerned you're one of the jealous types that will freak out about his prior activities and obsess about it? That would be my concern if someone kept questioning me. He's smart to avoid that can of worms. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it wasn't special to him. Maybe it sucked. Maybe he was drunk and really doesn't remember. I'm not sure why it's that big a deal to you but I would honestly re-evaluate your relationship. It doesn't sound like you have common values and goals (i.e. Chastity) so you may want someone better suited to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP? You sound a little young so I'll be easy on you. It's really his business to tell you or not to tell you and you need to take it easy with trying to control the info flow.

I don't see why he won't tell me. If the situation were reversed I would tell him. It just seems wrong that he knows all about my first time and by default my entire sexual history and I don't know much about his. I think it would make sense for him to tell me about his first time given the situation.
I'm not controlling anything. I haven't given him any ultimatums or anything.

Your insistence on this is odd.

I guess it's because I waited a long time and it was special to me, and he tells me it was a long time ago and it doesn't really remember much, so I think he's lying because I doubt I'll forget my first time.

I really don't understand why this is weird. Is this really something people don't talk about?

Yes, it really is something people don't talk about. It may come up in casual conversation, but I never have and never would insist on knowing about a partner's first time. I'm a woman in my 40s.

I have never talked about it. I am male, and it was nothing for me. I had known her for about two hours, and was tutoring her in Physics. I would not say this is how she paid me, but I was not getting paid, and I think she appreciated the help. The sex was not particularly good. I tutored her one day, and we had sex; two weeks later, the same thing...mmm...torque).

I told her it was my first time.

Now, I know I was not the first time with my wife, and she knows she wasn't first with me. I know she had tried some kinky shit before I met her, but don't know the details. I do not know when she lost hers, and she does not know when I lost mine -- I have never told her. If she asked, I would tell her. But, she does not care, and I don't care.