Constructive Feedback on Wife's Hair

[Anonymous]

The divorced mothers I know end up with a lot more free time after divorce then when they were married so they have time to exercise and blow out their hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?

Lord help me if the sexual attraction in my marriage boils down to a haircut or facial hair.

I agree with the OP here. It's not that spouses should be required to groom themselves as their spouse dictates, but I don't think it's an ideal dynamic for either spouse to have no interest in pleasing the other. If you absolutely only want short hair, okay, sure he could get used to it even if it's not his first choice. But if you prefer short and know he likes long, wouldn't you want to get something in the middle? My husband asks me about how to trim his goatee and I like that I'm his primary audience on that. Obviously it needs to look professional as well, but no harm in taking your spouse's preferences into consideration.

If you and your spouse are discussing paint colors, then I agree with meeting in the middle. You have two people who are equally invested in that decision.

When you're discussing something that you want that will make you feel happier and more confident in your own skin, and is as superficial and temporary as a hairstyle, then no, I wouldn't want something in the middle. I wouldn't want a marriage where I am bound to my husband's preference on how I look, either. I would hope we had passed that stage long ago. Provided I am healthy and happy, again, I'm glad our sexual relationship isn't that tenuous that my hairstyle affects it.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't look good to whom? Other women?

Because, when discussing this with other guys, they seem to think women make themselves less attractive by cutting their hair. That means the long hair on that woman, even if was less healthy than when she was younger, still looked *better* than the short hair. (At least to the guys.)

Now, you can say that looking good for guys isn't what her hair is for -- and that's fair enough -- but, I don't think you can say as a general rule that the short hair looks better than the long hair in any objective sense. Otherwise, if it did, the husband would feel like the short hair was an improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to leave this alone. Her hair is not your purview. It's hers, not yours. Sorry, bucko.

You don't sound sorry.

[Anonymous]

I cut my hair very short once. My DH, who was then my BF, told me in no uncertain terms that he did not like short hair on women and did not find it attractive. That was 15 years ago, and I still get upset when I think of the hair stylist who talked me into cutting off my hair.
It's been long ever since.

Tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

+1

My husband made "mom hair" cracks, which pissed me off, because I have had a pixie in the past (which he knows; I had short hair when I met him), and I love having short hair. I think it's more flattering on me and it makes me feel chic. And everyone else compliments my hair (even when it would be easy not to say anything). My mom, who would tell me honestly if it didn't look good, thinks it looks great short. But the mom-hair comments are insulting and hurtful and incredibly unlikely to make me want to change my hairstyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

+1

My husband made "mom hair" cracks, which pissed me off, because I have had a pixie in the past (which he knows; I had short hair when I met him), and I love having short hair. I think it's more flattering on me and it makes me feel chic. And everyone else compliments my hair (even when it would be easy not to say anything). My mom, who would tell me honestly if it didn't look good, thinks it looks great short. But the mom-hair comments are insulting and hurtful and incredibly unlikely to make me want to change my hairstyle.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

OMG I have the same problem with my sister! The very short hair look only looks really great on someone with great cheek bones and neck, like certain actresses. But when you have chubby cheeks and have a little extra weight -- its not a great look. But good luck.

You have this same problem with your sister? Why are you so catty? It's weird that you spend so much energy concerned with your sister's hair...

She is always asking me, telling me how great it looks, and I am a bitch. Happy now?

NP. So the issue is with you, not your sister. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps I'm alone, but I'd say you should just tell me. Not right when I've come back from the salon, but any time after that day would be fine. "I really love how you look when you keep your hair longer" or whatever. I'm a fan of directness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to leave this alone. Her hair is not your purview. It's hers, not yours. Sorry, bucko.

Good good you are a psycho. Spouses absoulutely give each other feedback into what they like prefer.

Crawl back under your bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The divorced mothers I know end up with a lot more free time after divorce then when they were married so they have time to exercise and blow out their hair.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

+1

My husband made "mom hair" cracks, which pissed me off, because I have had a pixie in the past (which he knows; I had short hair when I met him), and I love having short hair. I think it's more flattering on me and it makes me feel chic. And everyone else compliments my hair (even when it would be easy not to say anything). My mom, who would tell me honestly if it didn't look good, thinks it looks great short. But the mom-hair comments are insulting and hurtful and incredibly unlikely to make me want to change my hairstyle.

People complimenting your short hair make you want to keep it short.
People criticizing your short hair makes you want to keep it short.

I think I know where you're going with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to leave this alone. Her hair is not your purview. It's hers, not yours. Sorry, bucko.

Good good you are a psycho. Spouses absoulutely give each other feedback into what they like prefer.

Crawl back under your bridge.

You need to genuinely take a chill pill. Or several.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am for honesty here, especially since it is not a difficult-to-fix issue like miraculously losing 50 lbs.

My advice to you is to express yourself in terms of missing her long beautiful hair instead of in terms of not liking her short hair.

Say - "Honey, i really miss your long hair! it used to rock my world! Do you think you'll ever bring it back?"

If she gives your resistance at the point, stay mum until you come back on the board for further strategizing lol.

DON'T let it turn into a power struggle because you'll be screwing yourself. However, don't just swallow it either. If you have a healthy marriage, your wife probably wants to be beautiful in your eyes.

Smartest DCUM post in many, many months.

Folks, i really miss your smart posts from a while back! They rocked my world! Do you think you'll ever bring them back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cut my hair very short once. My DH, who was then my BF, told me in no uncertain terms that he did not like short hair on women and did not find it attractive. That was 15 years ago, and I still get upset when I think of the hair stylist who talked me into cutting off my hair.
It's been long ever since.

Tell her.

And you married him? Does he often say mean things about your appearance, or other people's appearances?

You should be upset about your dh, not the hairstylist. He made you feel so terrible over a haircut that you are still thinking about it.