Constructive Feedback on Wife's Hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

OMG I have the same problem with my sister! The very short hair look only looks really great on someone with great cheek bones and neck, like certain actresses. But when you have chubby cheeks and have a little extra weight -- its not a great look. But good luck.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand the prevailing "wisdom" that white lies are good in marriages.

Every time you bite something down and pretend it isn't true, a little piece of you moves away emotionally from your spouse.

In my view, brazen honesty is much better. You don't have to voice everything all the time, but if there is something you want to communicate in hopes that some action might be taken (like in the OP's case), doing so is important and healthy.

I personally like knowing that my husband can "take" anything I have to say to him without getting ED or somehow retreating emotionally. And vice versa. I don't need to hide in a delusion that he likes it when I don't shave and have BO.

[Anonymous]

Some times hair is damaged on the ends and needs a trim. Some hair stylists cut too much. My issue OP, is that you sound very shallow. Why not just ask? My mother used to freak out if my sister or I came home from the hair salon with a shorter cut or thinned out or too layered hair. My dad would want to know when we were getting hair cuts so he wouldn't be home in case there were tears.

I think it is a safer bet for you to ask her in a nice way if she is happy with her hair shorter. And then let her know that you liked it longer.

[Anonymous]

I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

Then OP should be happy to know his wife isn't cheating or planning to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

QFT. "Looking attractive for husband" is usually not high on the list. If a wife suddenly loses weight, grows out her hair and starts dressing to impress, chances are good it's not for hubby. OP can at least take solace in the fact that she's not looking to impress other men, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

Maybe they got hair extensions. Healthy hair takes a while to grow out naturally.

Also, a woman who bleaches and straightens her hair is going to have damaged hair eventually.

Shorter hair makes women look younger. That is why older women often cut their hair. Sometimes hair breaks and it just won't grow any longer.

[Anonymous]

I think you should just talk to her and tell her that you miss the long hair. My husband has told me a number of times that he likes longer hair, but mine is a bob between my shoulders and ears. I grew mine out for our wedding a few years ago but got it cut right after, and he told me it looks much better shorter on me. So there's that.

My dad harped on my mom for years (when she was in her 60's) about how he loved longer hair on her. So she, after having short hair for my entire life, started growing it out to her shoulders. It looked awful, but she kept it for him. She finally gave up and cut it short again and it looks so much better and she's much happier with it. But all my wedding pictures with her have this terrible haircut that she hated, and we all knew it except my dad.

Many women look better with short hair as they get older, others look great with longer hair. Does you wife look BAD with the short hair, or do you just prefer longer hair in general? Just because you prefer longer hair doesn't mean that's what suits her, so remember that before you bring this up with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

Maybe they got hair extensions. Healthy hair takes a while to grow out naturally.

Also, a woman who bleaches and straightens her hair is going to have damaged hair eventually.

Shorter hair makes some women look younger. That is why older women often cut their hair. Sometimes hair breaks and it just won't grow any longer.

FIFY

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the feedback. She has natural blond hair, which I suppose is thinner, although I do not know if that means its easier or harder to groom. I am clueless in this department. My wife jokes with me that men get a hairstyle and it lasts for 30 years. Reading between the lines, she has asked the "do you like my haircut" which is a dangerous question, I assume like a "do I look fat in these jeans" type question.

I think I am going to wait until her next appointment when it is longer and suggest I like the length it is growing into. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

Yes, and when the mom does the majority of the work to get the kids out the door in the morning, her hair takes a back seat to that need. And if the husband/father brings up hair, she'd be quite within her rights to say, "you give me more help with the kids, I"ll have more time to worry about my hair." Men can be a little dense.

[Anonymous]

You seem like a nice guy, OP. I hope it works out for you.

[Anonymous]

Someone once complimented me on my hair. They asked where I got it cut. I replied I did it myself. Was asked if I was a hairdresser. I replied no, I just know what I liked. Then I slipped and said my husband hated my cut. The lady asked if I cared. I said no. Much laughter followed.

My husband once made a comment about what a friend said of his wife. How the friend never in all the years he was married did he see his wife without makeup. I said good for her but don't expect that from me.

I am not an arm ornament. You don't like what you see ? Tough shit. YOU get up and primp for the day. It gets tiresome.

[Anonymous]

OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?