Constructive Feedback on Wife's Hair

[Anonymous]

I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

[Anonymous]

I am for honesty here, especially since it is not a difficult-to-fix issue like miraculously losing 50 lbs.

My advice to you is to express yourself in terms of missing her long beautiful hair instead of in terms of not liking her short hair.

Say - "Honey, i really miss your long hair! it used to rock my world! Do you think you'll ever bring it back?"

If she gives your resistance at the point, stay mum until you come back on the board for further strategizing lol.

DON'T let it turn into a power struggle because you'll be screwing yourself. However, don't just swallow it either. If you have a healthy marriage, your wife probably wants to be beautiful in your eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am for honesty here, especially since it is not a difficult-to-fix issue like miraculously losing 50 lbs.

My advice to you is to express yourself in terms of missing her long beautiful hair instead of in terms of not liking her short hair.

Say - "Honey, i really miss your long hair! it used to rock my world! Do you think you'll ever bring it back?"

If she gives your resistance at the point, stay mum until you come back on the board for further strategizing lol.

DON'T let it turn into a power struggle because you'll be screwing yourself. However, don't just swallow it either. If you have a healthy marriage, your wife probably wants to be beautiful in your eyes.

I like approach.

[Anonymous]

I think the above is good advice.

I think you do this BUT you also are flexible about her new look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

I can recognize my husband's writing anywhere, otherwise I would assume that you are him.

We have had exactly this conversation, and what he said was, "Wife, you are a beautiful woman who looks amazing no matter what you do, but I miss your sexy long hair." I didn't get upset or take it personally, because he said it in a way that did not imply that I look like crap now that my hair is not a sexy mane and didn't ask me to change my look in order to please him.

I think it's worth considering WHY she cut her hair shorter, though. She might have a crappy stylist who interprets "clean up the ends" to mean "take off an inch or three." Me, I got it cut because it was taking me a lot longer in the morning to manage it than I had to spare. The shorter hair is easier to take care of. Maybe that's the case with your wife, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Ugh...what's with men and long hair? Personally, as a woman ages I think it looks out of place. How short is short to you (It's probably shoulder length )?

[Anonymous]

Just before her next appointment, make it a point to say "Mmm, I love your hair right now, it's getting a little longer, and it really looks gorgeous/turns me on. I hope you keep it longer like this!" (go with the approach that will flatter her the most -- some women like compliments, some like to know they are turning their man on).

I think it's the only way to influence her that won't make her feel like she's not attractive to you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh...what's with men and long hair? Personally, as a woman ages I think it looks out of place. How short is short to you (It's probably shoulder length )?

Ugh, I'm sorry you need to turn this thread into a thread about you and your opinion about short hair. Maybe you need some friends so everything on DCUM doesn't have to be about you?

Now, back to OP's topic...

[Anonymous]

First, do not have this conversation anywhere close in time to a recent appointment.

Start by doing a double take. Then say, "Wow. [DW] you are a gorgeous woman. I can't believe that you are actually getting more beautiful and sexier as the years go on. You could pretty much wear anything and turn my head!"

The smartest husbands will stop there. If you want to push your luck, you then go on to reminisce about a couple past times when she was especially pretty. A wedding? A special eve? Then say, "I loved your hair back then, too. I'd love to see it long again one day!"

[Anonymous]

Oh, the dreaded mommy-bob!

Seems like that comes along through some combination of: a) giving up on looking sexually attractive -- because she's married, why bother? and b) social pressure from other women who think it's somehow improper for older women to have long hair.

If she cut her hair for those reason, there's nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. She probably doesn't really care about your opinion. You are supposed to suck it up, not say anything, perhaps just pretend that you like it.

If you guys get a divorce, she'll grow out her hair within the year.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have a right to tell your wife she is not as beautiful to you when she styles her hair in a shorter cut. The hair belongs to her, not you.

I have seen some women with long hair as they age, and it looks awful.

[Anonymous]

Something to keep in mind is that the texture of your hair changes as you get older (becomes coarser, more brittle), so your wife may be attempting to combat that, or perhaps she thinks her long hair wasn't looking as attractive as it used to. The only way to find out is by asking her about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, the dreaded mommy-bob!

Seems like that comes along through some combination of: a) giving up on looking sexually attractive -- because she's married, why bother? and b) social pressure from other women who think it's somehow improper for older women to have long hair.

If she cut her hair for those reason, there's nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. She probably doesn't really care about your opinion. You are supposed to suck it up, not say anything, perhaps just pretend that you like it.

If you guys get a divorce, she'll grow out her hair within the year.

+1

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she ever misses her long hair. If she says "absolutely not, it made me so miserable" then you leave it alone, if she says "sometimes I do, maybe I'll grow it out [next year/when the kids are older/when I'm sick of short hair]" you can nod and tell her she looks great no matter what but you miss it sometimes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have a right to tell your wife she is not as beautiful to you when she styles her hair in a shorter cut. The hair belongs to her, not you.

I have seen some women with long hair as they age, and it looks awful.

Are you writing from an insane asylum?

Do you have not have the right to tell your husband that you don't like it when he tries to shirk wearing a tie and nice suit to a wedding? How about when he wants to take you on a date wearing dad-jeans?

Her husband doesn't have the right to put extensions in her hair while she sleeps, but he certainly has the right to express his preferences.

Now go away you bizarro feminazi.