Sad about extended family Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is healthy as a horse and loves hosting. And she is equally (if not more so) concerned about upsetting my sister than me. My sister is the one who stomped home like a petulant child a few years ago because she can't share a bathroom for 1 day. If she and her family need perfect conditions then I feel like she should stay home to create those conditions.

I would much rather squish in and be with my whole family than be at my big spacious house without them. My grandmother (mom's mom) spent every Christmas Eve/morning with me until she died.

And my mom wouldn't hear of her grandchildren sleeping in a hotel on Christmas Eve. Any of them. Over her dead body, of this I am sure.

In your first post, you said you thought your mom might agree with your sister. Now you're doing a 180?

[Anonymous]

I said my mom might want to start alternating Christmas. If she does (which she hasn't directly said) it would be to appease my sister and not because she doesn't want to host everyone. She buys the grand kids matching Christmas PJ's FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is healthy as a horse and loves hosting. And she is equally (if not more so) concerned about upsetting my sister than me. My sister is the one who stomped home like a petulant child a few years ago because she can't share a bathroom for 1 day. If she and her family need perfect conditions then I feel like she should stay home to create those conditions.

I would much rather squish in and be with my whole family than be at my big spacious house without them. My grandmother (mom's mom) spent every Christmas Eve/morning with me until she died.

And my mom wouldn't hear of her grandchildren sleeping in a hotel on Christmas Eve. Any of them. Over her dead body, of this I am sure.

Did you actually ask her about this directly? Or are you making assumptions?

About the hotel part? I'd stake my life on it.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is stopping you from asking your mother and your sister directly what they want? You're utterly convinced you're right and your mom will agree with you, so what is there to lose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is stopping you from asking your mother and your sister directly what they want? You're utterly convinced you're right and your mom will agree with you, so what is there to lose?

I am definitely NOT convinced my mom will agree with me. I am convinced she would be fine with us all there if my sister was. I don't feel like having a conversation with my mom about my "poor sister." I would like my mom to have the guts to say to me, "you can't come for Christmas because your sister doesn't want you to." And if that is not the reason, I'd like to know what is the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is stopping you from asking your mother and your sister directly what they want? You're utterly convinced you're right and your mom will agree with you, so what is there to lose?

I am definitely NOT convinced my mom will agree with me. I am convinced she would be fine with us all there if my sister was. I don't feel like having a conversation with my mom about my "poor sister." I would like my mom to have the guts to say to me, "you can't come for Christmas because your sister doesn't want you to." And if that is not the reason, I'd like to know what is the reason.

OP, is anyone actually suggesting that you can't come to Christmas at all, or would it be acceptable to take turns staying at a hotel? Either way, I'm going to go back to my comment about being someone people can talk to. You are so hostile to people here questioning your assumptions about what's going on, it's no wonder no one wants to talk to you frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is stopping you from asking your mother and your sister directly what they want? You're utterly convinced you're right and your mom will agree with you, so what is there to lose?

I am definitely NOT convinced my mom will agree with me. I am convinced she would be fine with us all there if my sister was. I don't feel like having a conversation with my mom about my "poor sister." I would like my mom to have the guts to say to me, "you can't come for Christmas because your sister doesn't want you to." And if that is not the reason, I'd like to know what is the reason.

OP, is anyone actually suggesting that you can't come to Christmas at all, or would it be acceptable to take turns staying at a hotel? Either way, I'm going to go back to my comment about being someone people can talk to. You are so hostile to people here questioning your assumptions about what's going on, it's no wonder no one wants to talk to you frankly.

I am trying to preserve the magical Christmases of my childhood for my own children. No part of which took place in a hotel! Seriously whoever keeps suggesting this can stop. If the aforementioned magical Christmas is going to be dismantled, I do not need to sit in a hotel while it happens. The damage is done at that point. Do all of you really have Christmas traditions that can be replicated in a Courtyard Marriott?!? Because I will be cold and dead before my children hang their stockings up there.

[Anonymous]

For gods sake. You can do santa at your moms house but sleep at the hotel. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't grow up in your family, but the idea of spending the Christmas holiday squeezed into one room with my kid (and I only have one) sharing a bathroom with seven other people, at least one of whom really doesn't get along with me very well, sounds like painful, extended torture.

It sounds like you both tried it out together for several years and your sister couldn't take it and started having Christmas at her own house or her in laws for several years while you continued to spend Christmas at your parents? And now maybe your sister is wanting to have her kids and herself spend Christmas at your parents but she isn't willing to do it with four people to a room and 8 to a bathroom.

I don't know what the real beef between you and your sister is. Sounds like you are accustomed to sucking it up and you think she is spoiled and a bit of a prima donna. And you're incensed at your mom accommodating her pickiness yet again without her even having to argue for what she wants or defend it to you.

Did you tell your mom that your preference would be to continue to have Christmas at her house, or did you just sort of indicate that you'd accept the rotation schedule?

I understand your point of view and I get that you want to have everyone in three rooms. It's just so contrary to how I think of Christmas -- crammed on top of one another, cranky, absolutely non-relaxed and the opposite of jolly, having to poo practically on a timetable! -- that I'm inherently sympathetic to your sister. I'm sorry. I'm an introvert, and all that time piled on top of one another without a way for me to recharge alone would make me totally crazy. Like, walk off in a huff because I had to poo and all the bathrooms were occupied crazy.

Question: Would your families ever consider a destination Christmas at a bigger, rented house? We are doing this for Thanksgiving in Connecticut this year. Maybe you guys could get an amazing rate on, like, a big beach house for the holiday, if you could afford that? If the problem is really mostly the space, then moving everyone to a bigger, neutral one might solve that. But of course, your sister would have to talk to you about her issues in order to sort that out. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't grow up in your family, but the idea of spending the Christmas holiday squeezed into one room with my kid (and I only have one) sharing a bathroom with seven other people, at least one of whom really doesn't get along with me very well, sounds like painful, extended torture.

It sounds like you both tried it out together for several years and your sister couldn't take it and started having Christmas at her own house or her in laws for several years while you continued to spend Christmas at your parents? And now maybe your sister is wanting to have her kids and herself spend Christmas at your parents but she isn't willing to do it with four people to a room and 8 to a bathroom.

I don't know what the real beef between you and your sister is. Sounds like you are accustomed to sucking it up and you think she is spoiled and a bit of a prima donna. And you're incensed at your mom accommodating her pickiness yet again without her even having to argue for what she wants or defend it to you.

Did you tell your mom that your preference would be to continue to have Christmas at her house, or did you just sort of indicate that you'd accept the rotation schedule?

I understand your point of view and I get that you want to have everyone in three rooms. It's just so contrary to how I think of Christmas -- crammed on top of one another, cranky, absolutely non-relaxed and the opposite of jolly, having to poo practically on a timetable! -- that I'm inherently sympathetic to your sister. I'm sorry. I'm an introvert, and all that time piled on top of one another without a way for me to recharge alone would make me totally crazy. Like, walk off in a huff because I had to poo and all the bathrooms were occupied crazy.

Question: Would your families ever consider a destination Christmas at a bigger, rented house? We are doing this for Thanksgiving in Connecticut this year. Maybe you guys could get an amazing rate on, like, a big beach house for the holiday, if you could afford that? If the problem is really mostly the space, then moving everyone to a bigger, neutral one might solve that. But of course, your sister would have to talk to you about her issues in order to sort that out. Good luck!

This.
I also agree that the op should not have to get a hotel. The sister is the one unhappy, let the sister get a hotel.

Good luck op, you have more patience than I. If my family did this I would probably say screw yall then and head to the beach for new traditions.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I wouldn't want to spend XMAS with OP either. You sound very self centred and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Too much drama. Either you're making this story up or you just like being the victim. Either way, solve it and move on.

[Anonymous]

I am trying to preserve the magical Christmases of my childhood for my own children. No part of which took place in a hotel! Seriously whoever keeps suggesting this can stop. If the aforementioned magical Christmas is going to be dismantled, I do not need to sit in a hotel while it happens. The damage is done at that point. Do all of you really have Christmas traditions that can be replicated in a Courtyard Marriott?!? Because I will be cold and dead before my children hang their stockings up there.

Granted, I am not very sentimental or materialistic, so maybe I am not understanding you completely. Since having kids I have not spent one Christmas in America. We're generally somewhere in Europe. Last year we were in Belgium for it. It's really not a big deal to stay in a hotel. Or to celebrate Christmas the day before or the day after. If you are happy, the kids will be happy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound exhausting. Not everyone has the same feelings as you do and you seem to be completely tone deaf to that. Try to look at the situation without a HUGE chip on your shoulder,

[Anonymous]

OP does not sound exhausting. She just wants to spend Christmas with her parents. OP - just go there for Christmas. I wouldn't bring up the topic any more and if someone (your Mom or sister) bring it up, you can address it then. You tell your sister that you and your family have the tradition of spending Christmas with your parents. Done. They can decide what they want to do. They can stay at a hotel or got to their in-laws. Stop try to figure out what your sister wants since she's not being forthcoming. Focus on your family and what you want for your family. Tell your Mom you will be there for Christmas, as is the tradition. Done.