Sad about extended family Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am trying to preserve the magical Christmases of my childhood for my own children. No part of which took place in a hotel! Seriously whoever keeps suggesting this can stop. If the aforementioned magical Christmas is going to be dismantled, I do not need to sit in a hotel while it happens. The damage is done at that point. Do all of you really have Christmas traditions that can be replicated in a Courtyard Marriott?!? Because I will be cold and dead before my children hang their stockings up there.

You can preserve the magic and it may be easier for Santa to come too. Both families stay in the hotel, Santa leaves presents for the kids at grandma's house so when you go there Christmas morning, magic happens. I think it'd be more magical to spend Christmas with all the family (night at the hotel, all day at grandmas) than to spend it at home along without the family. And I'm not even all that fond of mine.

As my parents acquired more grandchildren, our sleeping arrangements changed repeatedly. At this point, we have been staying in a hotel longer than we have done anything else, and the hotel is one of the things my kids love about Christmas.

Your magic is not their magic.

I think they believed in Santa a little longer than they might have -- they saw the additional presents under the tree when we returned on Christmas morning, and they knew DH and I couldn't have been the ones to put them there.

Seriously, my kids would be so psyched for the pool and being in a hotel...that would almost be present enough. Part of the magic of Christmas and childhood period is how you frame things -- it's the magic you put into it. But you can make it about being aggrieved if you want OP. But it will be you pissing all over your own Christmas because you cannot spend one night at the Holiday Inn Express. SMDH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister has kids also. FWIW, she has not said one word of this to me. It's all come thru my mom, and again, not in plain words.

And I'm not playing dumb now that my mom has inferred all of this. Before I really didn't know. My sister and I are not super close. But my kids and her kids adore each other - I think they all behave fine.

You need to talk to your sister.

[Anonymous]

My husband's family is very poor and they live in tiny places in NYC. We spend Thanksgiving at a hotel every year so we can be with them and this year will be spending Christmas at one. We are not rich either so we get a room in Jersey on Priceline, which is super-cheap at Christmas time. Our holidays are pretty damn magical and so much fun and our kids LOVE staying in a hotel. We've offered to let them cram with the relatives and they've always chosen the hotel. You can make it work IF you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 1 sister and we both live out of town from our parents, in different cities. Up until a few years ago we all had Christmas together with my parents. Then a few years ago my sister and her husband stopped coming. Originally I was told it was because they wanted to do their own Christmas at their own home. It has since come out that they just don't want to stay at my parents house while my family is there. (My parents house is small.) But no one told me this until recently. My sister (and maybe my mom but she won't really say) wants to start alternating who spends Christmas with my parents. I think we should all just cram in and be together - it's just a night or two.

But I'm starting to get the feeling (although it's not been said directly) that my sister is annoyed at me that I haven't offered to stay away from my parents for Christmas.

FWIW, my sister spends Christmas with her inlaws if she doesn't come to my moms. My inlaws are far and we don't see them for Christmas, so we'd just be the four of us (we have two kids) if we don't go to my moms. That would definitely make me feels sad. Should we just do it anyway? I just feel it's unfair because I'm fine with my sisters family being there - she's the one who doesn't want me to come.

OP this is not hard. This is about getting a hotel.
And I'd just like to say that if you establish your own home as a Christmas base for your kids, the kids feel more secure about Christmas rather than being bounced around (I know that sounds weird, but I say this as someone who had both Christmas-at-home, then after my folks split up, Christmas here, and there, and everywhere)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Actually it is hard. Everything concerning my mom and my sister is hard. But it's far more nuanced than I could ever explain here. Be very very thankful if your family is reasonably drama free.

[Anonymous]

No one else has mentioned inlaws, but I think OP is being selfish by not ever spending a Christmas at her inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Actually it is hard. Everything concerning my mom and my sister is hard. But it's far more nuanced than I could ever explain here. Be very very thankful if your family is reasonably drama free.

If you don't see how your inflexibility is a major source of drama, you have a long, hard life ahead of you.

Worse, your kids are going to have to deal with all your whiny, self-pitying crap, and THAT, not the sleeping arrangements, is what will cause them to have a lousy Christmas (if they do).

Pull yourself together and act like a damned growup. Fake it until you make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine her poor kids when they're grown and they have different ideas from Mommy Dearest about what constitutes a "magical Christmas." God forbid one of them perhaps spend it at their own home, their in-laws, or GASP, horror of all horrors, in a hotel.

There will probably be many hotel holidays in their futures....St. Bart's, Hawaii, Paris, Barcelona, Aspen, etc., just to avoid the drama.....

YES!!! Suddenly there are going to be these "unknown reasons" they can't attend! Just like the sister!

Seriously, all of you to the original post, are . . . well, I have a few choice names in mind. It's so, so easy to sling insults and name call on an anonymous board instead of being helpful. If you don't have anything helpful to say, keep your nastiness to yourself. It's not needed or appreicated, most of us don't want to read it, and it's completely unacceptable behavior. Just move along and revel in your own smugness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously, all of you to the original post, are . . . well, I have a few choice names in mind. It's so, so easy to sling insults and name call on an anonymous board instead of being helpful. If you don't have anything helpful to say, keep your nastiness to yourself. It's not needed or appreciated, most of us don't want to read it, and it's completely unacceptable behavior. Just move along and revel in your own smugness.

A lot of people started out being kind, giving OP the benefit of the doubt, etc. But the more she talked, the clearer it became that she is the problem. We're not smug about that. We love imagining snappy responses to stupid relatives.

But OP's problem is something she has created, and telling her what she wants to hear isn't helpful. It's enabling.

[Anonymous]

One of the main problems here, is that OP is relying on her parents to create said magical Christmas. OP's mom is exhausted from all the work, figures it's high time OP did some work herself, and is probably ready to go to the Bahamas and leave all this drama behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is healthy as a horse and loves hosting. And she is equally (if not more so) concerned about upsetting my sister than me. My sister is the one who stomped home like a petulant child a few years ago because she can't share a bathroom for 1 day. If she and her family need perfect conditions then I feel like she should stay home to create those conditions.

I would much rather squish in and be with my whole family than be at my big spacious house without them. My grandmother (mom's mom) spent every Christmas Eve/morning with me until she died.

And my mom wouldn't hear of her grandchildren sleeping in a hotel on Christmas Eve. Any of them. Over her dead body, of this I am sure.

You're sounding crazier with each post. All the cramming and squishing. Lots of people don't like cramming and squishing. So how long have you hated sister for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is healthy as a horse and loves hosting. And she is equally (if not more so) concerned about upsetting my sister than me. My sister is the one who stomped home like a petulant child a few years ago because she can't share a bathroom for 1 day. If she and her family need perfect conditions then I feel like she should stay home to create those conditions.

I would much rather squish in and be with my whole family than be at my big spacious house without them. My grandmother (mom's mom) spent every Christmas Eve/morning with me until she died.

And my mom wouldn't hear of her grandchildren sleeping in a hotel on Christmas Eve. Any of them. Over her dead body, of this I am sure.

You're sounding crazier with each post. All the cramming and squishing. Lots of people don't like cramming and squishing. So how long have you hated sister for?

My childless brother and his spouse lived near my parents [now deceased]. Both complained endlessly about our visiting and staying at my parents. They were extremely hurt of I suggested a hotel for any visit and enjoyed the time with the grandchildren. Oh well. We don't speak with them any longer. They even disregarded my children as living after my last parent died.