Women: are you jealous of your friends who married rich men?

[Anonymous]

No. I have one friend who married into a wealthy family, and while I do like to visit her 3 houses and enjoy letting her treat me to fancy dinners and spa days when we do girls trips, her husband is a homophobic, xenophobic, alcoholic, workaholic perpetual frat boy asshole. I have been trying to find something to like in him for 20 years now and just can't do it. She has tried to leave him a few times but he doesn't want to be divorced, so she just avoids him by taking the kids to whatever house he's not in and having affairs. I don't envy her a bit.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really certain of the HHIs of our friends. I like it better that way, because I can be a tad bit insecure at times, being a SAHM with no plans to reenter the workplace anytime soon.

I do get jealous when my friends are all taking vacations to Europe and buying luxury items, but my husband actually does make a decent salary and I'm grateful that it allows me to stay home and take care of our SN kid.

I feel like sometimes, jealousy is a normal, healthy reaction so I don't dwell on it too much. Who wouldn't feel a pang of envy seeing someone taking a selfie in front of the Louvre?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I can add a different perspective. I married wealthy and I am a sahm. I have a family member who is very envious of this. She cannot stop making snide commits about gold digging and marrying for money, even though dh and I have been married for 20 years are each other's best friends and very much in love.

She goes on how it must be nice to be a sahm and guilts me for it. I tell her it was always my plan to be a sahm, that I would have made it work somehow no matter finances, she'ok then say something like I am not a real sahm because we have money or I wouldn't have married dh if he were poor.

Anything I put on social media gets a rude comment from her. "Must be nice" "first world problem" this was a recent one, after my daughter started her first riding lesson. "Lucky kid or spoiled brat? You be the judge"

It's a sad and used to bother me a lot. She and I were close until I got engaged, then her attitude has seriously changed towards me and she can't let it go.

If it was you plan to SAH it's likely you did filter for providers so you are being disingenuous.

And why not hide posts from her; I know defriending family can be tricky but what she never sees won't bother her.

I met my husband and fell for him while on a mission trip to central america. No I wasn't filtering men to suit my needs. If we lived in a tiny house with one car and I had to coupon and scrimp and save I would still be a sahm (thats just how I feel for my life everyone is different) I don't hide from her because 20 years on, if she doesn't like my life it is on her to not look at it. Like I said, it used to bother me now not so much.

It's easy to say you would have been a SAHM, no matter the circumstances, from your perch. If your DH had to work 16 hours a day at a dangerous job with a long commute would you still be a SAHM, or would you set aside your desires and do what was best for your family? I prefer to work, but if it turns out at some point that for me to be a SAHM is what works best for my family, that's what I'll do. I suspect your "SAHM no matter what" triggers some obnoxious reactions, though I do think your friend is completely out of line.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Thrilled for her and love visiting them!

[Anonymous]

My son who works an entry level job has been so insistent that he wants to be able to give his wife the choice to be a sahm. They live together now and he makes sure that she keeps money she earns as hers, but she buys stuff for them, groceries, etc. but he doesn't require it. He pays all household bills.

They don't have a lot, but I think my future daughter in law is a very rich woman, and they'll make it work.

[Anonymous]

My husband had a high paying job. I asked him to quit and take a low-paying fed job so he could spend more time with the family. Now we have to scrimp and save, but it's been so much better having him around.

I am jealous of those women who married men who were so wealthy that neither has to work but still can afford the vacations, private school, nanny/maid, etc. That seems ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband had a high paying job. I asked him to quit and take a low-paying fed job so he could spend more time with the family. Now we have to scrimp and save, but it's been so much better having him around.

I am jealous of those women who married men who were so wealthy that neither has to work but still can afford the vacations, private school, nanny/maid, etc. That seems ideal.

Really? I don't think I would respect someone who lived purely off a trust fund and paid people to do all the childcare and house work. That life would seem pretty meaningless to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I can add a different perspective. I married wealthy and I am a sahm. I have a family member who is very envious of this. She cannot stop making snide commits about gold digging and marrying for money, even though dh and I have been married for 20 years are each other's best friends and very much in love.

She goes on how it must be nice to be a sahm and guilts me for it. I tell her it was always my plan to be a sahm, that I would have made it work somehow no matter finances, she'ok then say something like I am not a real sahm because we have money or I wouldn't have married dh if he were poor.

Anything I put on social media gets a rude comment from her. "Must be nice" "first world problem" this was a recent one, after my daughter started her first riding lesson. "Lucky kid or spoiled brat? You be the judge"

It's a sad and used to bother me a lot. She and I were close until I got engaged, then her attitude has seriously changed towards me and she can't let it go.

If it was you plan to SAH it's likely you did filter for providers so you are being disingenuous.

And why not hide posts from her; I know defriending family can be tricky but what she never sees won't bother her.

I met my husband and fell for him while on a mission trip to central america. No I wasn't filtering men to suit my needs. If we lived in a tiny house with one car and I had to coupon and scrimp and save I would still be a sahm (thats just how I feel for my life everyone is different) I don't hide from her because 20 years on, if she doesn't like my life it is on her to not look at it. Like I said, it used to bother me now not so much.

Very nice story, but folks of modest means tend to not volunteer internationally. Just sayin'

np but religious people of all means can go on a mission trip. i love the insinuation though, it shows your bias.

[Anonymous]

I am jealous,but not of their husbands or lifestyles.I wish my DH and I never had to worry about future.I am jealous of a freedom big money can give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I can add a different perspective. I married wealthy and I am a sahm. I have a family member who is very envious of this. She cannot stop making snide commits about gold digging and marrying for money, even though dh and I have been married for 20 years are each other's best friends and very much in love.

She goes on how it must be nice to be a sahm and guilts me for it. I tell her it was always my plan to be a sahm, that I would have made it work somehow no matter finances, she'ok then say something like I am not a real sahm because we have money or I wouldn't have married dh if he were poor.

Anything I put on social media gets a rude comment from her. "Must be nice" "first world problem" this was a recent one, after my daughter started her first riding lesson. "Lucky kid or spoiled brat? You be the judge"

It's a sad and used to bother me a lot. She and I were close until I got engaged, then her attitude has seriously changed towards me and she can't let it go.

Why haven't you defriended her???

Because she loves rubbing it on her face. If not, why would she not defriend her?

did you not read that it was because she is a family member and it would cause issues also she doesn't give a shit if this bitch wants to be bitter and angry. live your own life, damn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I can add a different perspective. I married wealthy and I am a sahm. I have a family member who is very envious of this. She cannot stop making snide commits about gold digging and marrying for money, even though dh and I have been married for 20 years are each other's best friends and very much in love.

She goes on how it must be nice to be a sahm and guilts me for it. I tell her it was always my plan to be a sahm, that I would have made it work somehow no matter finances, she'ok then say something like I am not a real sahm because we have money or I wouldn't have married dh if he were poor.

Anything I put on social media gets a rude comment from her. "Must be nice" "first world problem" this was a recent one, after my daughter started her first riding lesson. "Lucky kid or spoiled brat? You be the judge"

It's a sad and used to bother me a lot. She and I were close until I got engaged, then her attitude has seriously changed towards me and she can't let it go.

If it was you plan to SAH it's likely you did filter for providers so you are being disingenuous.

And why not hide posts from her; I know defriending family can be tricky but what she never sees won't bother her.

I met my husband and fell for him while on a mission trip to central america. No I wasn't filtering men to suit my needs. If we lived in a tiny house with one car and I had to coupon and scrimp and save I would still be a sahm (thats just how I feel for my life everyone is different) I don't hide from her because 20 years on, if she doesn't like my life it is on her to not look at it. Like I said, it used to bother me now not so much.

It's easy to say you would have been a SAHM, no matter the circumstances, from your perch. If your DH had to work 16 hours a day at a dangerous job with a long commute would you still be a SAHM, or would you set aside your desires and do what was best for your family? I prefer to work, but if it turns out at some point that for me to be a SAHM is what works best for my family, that's what I'll do. I suspect your "SAHM no matter what" triggers some obnoxious reactions, though I do think your friend is completely out of line.

Some people want to be the primary caregiver for their children. Why is that such a big taboo here on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wealth is not what you earn, it's what you keep. I know people who make $750K a year who are not wealthy, because they save maybe $30 or $40K of it.

False, those people are wealthy. They're also stupid.

You need to get out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am jealous,but not of their husbands or lifestyles.I wish my DH and I never had to worry about future.I am jealous of a freedom big money can give.

Very, very true.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who married for money, and she's terribly unhappy. She travels and shops a lot but she is lonely and bored. I don't have much sympathy because no one told her she has to sit around by herself at home all day and wait for her DH to come home (she has no kids). She's just not willing to make the effort. If I were her I would pursue hobbies like painting and writing and cooking, volunteer in the community, etc. Or actually I would work because I like my career. But I wonder if, when she has kids, if hers will have more opportunities and a better education than mine. That would be the only thing I could be jealous of. I don't really care about expensive things or travel.

[Anonymous]

Yes. However, when my friend who is a SAHM married to a rich guy said "I feel I owe him sex because of all that he gives me and my family," It made me kinda glad I'm not.