Puzzling "Stand Off" In Relationship (Not-Married)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

Yeah but your kids would probably have developmental issues and stuff. I mean, ostensibly you could have kids at that age, but probably most women wouldnt want a husband that old and the risks for the child go wayyyy up.

Nowadays, women (especially super wealthy ones, like your GF) can afford to freeze their eggs. I already plan to have mine done at 35, so I can continue working into my 40s. And even if you dont, plenty of women have kids after 40, it's incredibly common.

So I guess she could start freaking out- but it doesnt really sound like a smart thing to do. And your GF sounds pretty smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

Was this just like a stream of consciousness word vomit type of thing?

[Anonymous]

If she's low drive and you are still having fun it sounds like it's still a good relationship for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

Yeah but your kids would probably have developmental issues and stuff. I mean, ostensibly you could have kids at that age, but probably most women wouldnt want a husband that old and the risks for the child go wayyyy up.


Nowadays, women (especially super wealthy ones, like your GF) can afford to freeze their eggs. I already plan to have mine done at 35, so I can continue working into my 40s. And even if you dont, plenty of women have kids after 40, it's incredibly common.

So I guess she could start freaking out- but it doesnt really sound like a smart thing to do. And your GF sounds pretty smart.

I didn't say she should be freaking out. But every day she spends with me (assuming she knows her libido isn't coming back for me) is a wasted day for her that has more marginal value than a wasted day for me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

Was this just like a stream of consciousness word vomit type of thing?

Nope. There are points in there that are directly related to the thread. Would you prefer a math equation to make those points =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

I'm weighing in and giving you my opinion. Not taking a side except: this woman is doing what is good for her at this moment. She feels no need to dump you right now.

You are definitely not a hot young stallion, at least not to most.

So be grateful that this lady has chosen to keep you around. Ride that train as long as it takes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's low drive and you are still having fun it sounds like it's still a good relationship for her

Maybe it is this. But what's funny is... if I were to leave, what is she going to do? Put her message up on Tinder as "If you have a sex drive swipe left"...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

Was this just like a stream of consciousness word vomit type of thing?

Nope. There are points in there that are directly related to the thread. Would you prefer a math equation to make those points =)

Maybe you're just socially challenged then...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's low drive and you are still having fun it sounds like it's still a good relationship for her

Maybe it is this. But what's funny is... if I were to leave, what is she going to do? Put her message up on Tinder as "If you have a sex drive swipe left"...?

I have a low drive and I've found lots of guys who are cool with it. There are plenty of LD men too. Maybe you are just a perv who needs it all the time, and she is normal drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

Yeah but your kids would probably have developmental issues and stuff. I mean, ostensibly you could have kids at that age, but probably most women wouldnt want a husband that old and the risks for the child go wayyyy up.


Nowadays, women (especially super wealthy ones, like your GF) can afford to freeze their eggs. I already plan to have mine done at 35, so I can continue working into my 40s. And even if you dont, plenty of women have kids after 40, it's incredibly common.

So I guess she could start freaking out- but it doesnt really sound like a smart thing to do. And your GF sounds pretty smart.

I didn't say she should be freaking out. But every day she spends with me (assuming she knows her libido isn't coming back for me) is a wasted day for her that has more marginal value than a wasted day for me...

Not really. Every day she spends with you, she's paying off her mortgage, making a ton of money, etc.

Every day you spend with her, you are older and living a lifestyle you couldnt afford otherwise. She is building up her credit and getting ownership of the house, and you arent. Plus, you arent getting laid.

Sounds like she is getting exactly what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

Eh, 30 lbs overweight by what standard? People carry weight differently and even a guy who is "normal weight" is certainly not what I would consider to be hot. Especially if you dont have any muscles.

Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually.

This lady sounds like a smart cookie. Can you tell us about her business? I am kind of intrigued by her.

Wait, which side are you on? I'm getting confused. One person on here says she's keeping me around because I'm some sort of young hot stallion. To you, I'm a loser because I am 10lbs overweight and only barely make 6 figures. LOL. This is too funny. What does her biz have to do with the main question at hand? Do I look like I'm here to give my gf's biz advice. You're weird. The main question is why isn't she focused on bettering her situation. Even your theory would suggest she should, right? If she's clearly out of my league, why am I living rent free lol?

Was this just like a stream of consciousness word vomit type of thing?

Nope. There are points in there that are directly related to the thread. Would you prefer a math equation to make those points =)

Maybe you're just socially challenged then...

Okay, let's try again then.

You made the following claim/support: gf has higher sex-market value than I do
Which would seem to suggest... that gf should leave me
But gf has not left me...
Other posters have claimed gf wants to keep me around because I'm young and help her keep up relationship appearances
Which conflicts with your point that gf has > sex market value than I do
So we have diff posters with diff theories
Few theories hold up to the evidence here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

Yeah but your kids would probably have developmental issues and stuff. I mean, ostensibly you could have kids at that age, but probably most women wouldnt want a husband that old and the risks for the child go wayyyy up.


Nowadays, women (especially super wealthy ones, like your GF) can afford to freeze their eggs. I already plan to have mine done at 35, so I can continue working into my 40s. And even if you dont, plenty of women have kids after 40, it's incredibly common.

So I guess she could start freaking out- but it doesnt really sound like a smart thing to do. And your GF sounds pretty smart.

I didn't say she should be freaking out. But every day she spends with me (assuming she knows her libido isn't coming back for me) is a wasted day for her that has more marginal value than a wasted day for me...

Not really. Every day she spends with you, she's paying off her mortgage, making a ton of money, etc.

Every day you spend with her, you are older and living a lifestyle you couldnt afford otherwise. She is building up her credit and getting ownership of the house, and you arent. Plus, you arent getting laid.

Sounds like she is getting exactly what she wants.

You're crazy. I'm a 33 year old male who makes 6 figures and is paying ZERO for housing. As a fraction of my income, I'm saving a ton more than she is. Hope you're not a financial planner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She outearns you by a "wide margin" with only a couple years ago difference. Maybe she doesnt want to tie herself, financially, to someone who's not on her level. But maybe she's lonely and wants someone to chill with.

That's my guess.

But if you were a good "catch" (which she is). Above average looks (I'd say 7.5/10, though I hate rankings crap), above average intelligence, and a huge income, why wouldn't you run out and look for your mate when you're still under 40? At 33, I don't really have the same priorities/concerns (esp. since kids aren't a priority of mine). It just baffles me. We may not be married, but I'm benefitting financially right now for sure. We live in her house and she pays the mortgage.

oh, oh, oh. Here it is, OP. I hate to say it because DCUM will slaughter me, and I'm generalizing here. Many women don't feel sexual with men that aren't at least at their level of bringing home the bacon. You've got a situation where you are living in her house, and she's making more than you…it's just not sexy for many women. They like to be taken care of this way, or at a minimum, at least not take care of you. That kind of "taking care of" translates into maternal feelings, not sexual.

So before I get creamed here, just fyi I'm a feminist woman who went to Harvard Law. My last bf was a wonderful guy, but a musician, and I had a big career and it just wasn't working for me to be with someone who slept in all the time and I paid for all the dinners. My DH of almost 20 years is someone I met in law school, even though I swore I'd never marry a lawyer. We just "get" each other.

OP here. I'm willing to buy this. Trust me, it's not offensive. But still, why would she dawdle in the relationship for 4 years. She's approaching 40!

So? You're approaching 35... I'm not quite sure why her approaching 40 (she is 3 years away, btw) would somehow muddle her thinking to such an extent? You seem to have a very extreme idea of aging.

A man approaching 35 vs a woman approaching 40. A woman who will not date a divorced dad and wants a natural birth with a husband who has no previous kids. You jest. Big diff. I could father at 50.

Yeah but your kids would probably have developmental issues and stuff. I mean, ostensibly you could have kids at that age, but probably most women wouldnt want a husband that old and the risks for the child go wayyyy up.


Nowadays, women (especially super wealthy ones, like your GF) can afford to freeze their eggs. I already plan to have mine done at 35, so I can continue working into my 40s. And even if you dont, plenty of women have kids after 40, it's incredibly common.

So I guess she could start freaking out- but it doesnt really sound like a smart thing to do. And your GF sounds pretty smart.

I didn't say she should be freaking out. But every day she spends with me (assuming she knows her libido isn't coming back for me) is a wasted day for her that has more marginal value than a wasted day for me...

Not really. Every day she spends with you, she's paying off her mortgage, making a ton of money, etc.

Every day you spend with her, you are older and living a lifestyle you couldnt afford otherwise. She is building up her credit and getting ownership of the house, and you arent. Plus, you arent getting laid.

Sounds like she is getting exactly what she wants.

You're crazy. I'm a 33 year old male who makes 6 figures and is paying ZERO for housing. As a fraction of my income, I'm saving a ton more than she is. Hope you're not a financial planner!

You're saving money, but she's buying equity in a house. You dont get how that is more advantageous to her?