What is considered a sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

Manipulators, liars, and cheaters like to redefine words to suit their purposes.

[Anonymous]

Words mean things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't had sex in more than a year.

That's a sexless marriage.

1-2 times a month would be the salvation of my marriage at this point.

Are you and your partner taking care of yourselves, or are there other people involved?

He has zero sex drive. I don't know if he masturbates at all anymore.

I have a decent vibrator. There are no other people involved (I am certain of this.) Unless you could the multiple under 4 crowd that live with us and definitely were the trigger for the cessation of sex in an already low/mismatched drive marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay what the heck.

"Sexless" means a marriage with NO sex.
"Enough sex" means both partners think they have enough sex no matter how many times that is.
"Not enough sex" means one or both partners think they don't have enough sex whatever not enough means for them.

It doesn't matter what any expert says this is ridiculous...having sex once a month is not "sexless".

How about "marriage with pathologically limited sexual frequency"?

[Anonymous]

When one partner's sexual needs are not being met by another partner.

If both partners want to have sex only on the 29th of February, it is not sexless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you not crave sex???

We have twice as many kids as the OP, and I'm desperately trying to get the kids to sleep so DH and I can have some fun. We have sex 3-5 times/week...anything less, and we would be worried.

We're exhausted. We both work full time, work out 3-5 times a week, are raising teenagers, are in our late 40s.

So work, exercise, raising teenagers, and age are barriers to having sex with your spouse? Interesting. Why don't you just say that you don't like having sex...that would make more sense.

I'm the higher drive spouse and my wife says the same thing. I've suggested we STOP doing some of the things that are exhausting and focus on our marriage and intimacy. Unfortunately, all these other things are a higher priority for her. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

[Anonymous]

We have sex once or twice a week. I would like to more often but that's the amount that works for my DH. I don't like giving BJs because then we don't have intercourse and I don't want to wait another week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sex once or twice a week. I would like to more often but that's the amount that works for my DH. I don't like giving BJs because then we don't have intercourse and I don't want to wait another week.

You don't have to do it to completion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

This really, really sucks. And it does not bode well for your marriage.


Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

[Anonymous]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage
Obviously everyone will have their own opinion. Ten times a year seems the most common definition. We were at 10-11 for several years until I, the husband, told my wife that if we wanted a healthy marriage we needed a healthy sex life and that meant at least once a week. Things are getting better. Not great, but getting better.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're having sex at regular intervals, and those intervals are not measured in years, then it's inaccurate to call it sexless. Low sex would be fair in your situation. It is low, probably too low, but not sexless.

I think a healthy, normal, happy married couple would have sex at least every other week. I get that you're tired and you'd rather sleep, but if your marriage is still in tact, I can't imagine going more than a couple of weeks, even in the baby years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

This really, really sucks. And it does not bode well for your marriage.


Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

I'm not sure I follow the objections raised above. Are you saying "yikes" when a wife doesn't want to give oral when her husband won't give oral? Seems totally fair to me. If he's able to get off from actual sex, why not just go with that? It's mutually enjoyable to both parties. If neither party enjoys giving oral, no need for either to subject themselves to it.

We aren't really into oral in my marriage. We've done it a handful of times, but we're both more into actual sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We co-sleep but it doesn't have to affect your sex life. Put the kids to sleep and then go down and do it on the couch!

Or the guest room, or the floor, or shower or wherever. Then co-sleep.

I really don't see co-sleeping as a barrier to sex. By the time I hit the bed I'm ready to sleep, not rumble. My DH knows this and we always try to get it on earlier. Of course there are always those days when we're both home w/o kids for some reason -- that's an automatic.

Also -- quickie blow jobs in the morning in the bathroom. Depends on how old your kids are, but mine are busy in their rooms getting ready and a bj seriously takes less than 5 minutes.

I like sex to take more than 5 minutes, and can't imagine getting him off when he can't reciprocate. Of course, I am the higher drive spouse.

Wait, you won't give your DH a bj unless he "reciprocates?"

Yikes.

This really, really sucks. And it does not bode well for your marriage.


Yep, that's right. He won't ever reciprocate orally, so I stopped doing it for him.

I'm not sure I follow the objections raised above. Are you saying "yikes" when a wife doesn't want to give oral when her husband won't give oral? Seems totally fair to me. If he's able to get off from actual sex, why not just go with that? It's mutually enjoyable to both parties. If neither party enjoys giving oral, no need for either to subject themselves to it.

We aren't really into oral in my marriage. We've done it a handful of times, but we're both more into actual sex.

She didn't say that her husband didn't reciprocate until after the PP's 'yikes'.