What is considered a sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is a want, not a need. Water and oxygen are needs.

No, actually, it's a need. Not as high up as water, oxygen or food on Maslow's hierarchy, but a need nonetheless. More of a need than the way you spend 95% of your time.

What makes you think its a need? Human beings can live happily without sex. That makes it a want.

Many human beings cannot live happily without sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly when the kids are little and you're not sleeping well and they're in your bed, this just seems normal for a time.

Hence, why I never let my kids sleep in my marital bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly when the kids are little and you're not sleeping well and they're in your bed, this just seems normal for a time.

No. Kids sleeping in your bed and causing you not to sleep well isn't normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is not a need on an individual basis, but it is a defining aspect of marriage. There are exceptions - medical conditions that make it not possible, but those are generally heartbreaking, life-threatening exceptions. To plan not to have sex ever again with your spouse, or to simply "opt out" of that part of the marriage, is a violation of what most cultural notions of marriage include, and certainly legal grounds for divorce in the US. It is not normal, or legally legitimate. Sex is a part of marriage. When it is missing, there must be a serious explanation that justifies it, or it threatens the validity of the entire arrangement.

Sorry, but the only people allowed to determine what is normal in, or a "defining aspect" of my marriage is my spouse and I. I don't give a crap about what the "cultural notions" of marriage are. My marriage is a relationship between my spouse and I. It is not for you to define or set parameters on.

If you are both happy without sex, then that's okay and you probably need to find another topic to comment on. If one of you isn't happy, then it's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly when the kids are little and you're not sleeping well and they're in your bed, this just seems normal for a time.

It might be common and "normal" but it's awful.

Adults need to prioritize their own needs sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Co-sleeping is the norm in much of the world. Think outside the box. Adults sneak off to a private spot and sex it up. You can have sex away from the bed you sleep in, at other times than sleeping time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is the norm in much of the world. Think outside the box. Adults sneak off to a private spot and sex it up. You can have sex away from the bed you sleep in, at other times than sleeping time.

Only if you want to have sex. Affair partners manage sex in the face of all kinds of logistical problems and time pressure - because they are motivated. People who say they want to but can't find the time probably don't really want to all that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is the norm in much of the world. Think outside the box. Adults sneak off to a private spot and sex it up. You can have sex away from the bed you sleep in, at other times than sleeping time.

I don't want to sneak around to have 10 minute sex. Got enough of that as a teen. I'm a grownup with my own whole house and my own spouse. There are reasons there are locks on the doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is the norm in much of the world. Think outside the box. Adults sneak off to a private spot and sex it up. You can have sex away from the bed you sleep in, at other times than sleeping time.

Only if you want to have sex. Affair partners manage sex in the face of all kinds of logistical problems and time pressure - because they are motivated. People who say they want to but can't find the time probably don't really want to all that much.

I have sex with my AP at his house or mine when they are totally empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is the norm in much of the world. Think outside the box. Adults sneak off to a private spot and sex it up. You can have sex away from the bed you sleep in, at other times than sleeping time.

Only if you want to have sex. Affair partners manage sex in the face of all kinds of logistical problems and time pressure - because they are motivated. People who say they want to but can't find the time probably don't really want to all that much.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wonder if a lot of sexless marriages can be attributed to one or both partners just not being attracted to the other one anymore. What do you do after being with your partner for years, and they completely let themselves go? And don't you dare bring it up, then you're the bad guy (or gal in my situation since I'm DW.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of sexless marriages can be attributed to one or both partners just not being attracted to the other one anymore. What do you do after being with your partner for years, and they completely let themselves go? And don't you dare bring it up, then you're the bad guy (or gal in my situation since I'm DW.)

At least in that scenario, the other spouse has something productive they can do to bring the attraction back -- go work out, get in shape. The more hellish situation is when there is nothing identifiable that the spouse has done or failed to do that caused the lack of attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of sexless marriages can be attributed to one or both partners just not being attracted to the other one anymore. What do you do after being with your partner for years, and they completely let themselves go? And don't you dare bring it up, then you're the bad guy (or gal in my situation since I'm DW.)

At least in that scenario, the other spouse has something productive they can do to bring the attraction back -- go work out, get in shape. The more hellish situation is when there is nothing identifiable that the spouse has done or failed to do that caused the lack of attraction.

Yeah, but if the spouse won't do anything, and then they resent the other spouse for saying that? Oh well, just projecting I guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of sexless marriages can be attributed to one or both partners just not being attracted to the other one anymore. What do you do after being with your partner for years, and they completely let themselves go? And don't you dare bring it up, then you're the bad guy (or gal in my situation since I'm DW.)

Fantasize about someone else while you're doing it. My husband is 40 pounds overweight, at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of sexless marriages can be attributed to one or both partners just not being attracted to the other one anymore. What do you do after being with your partner for years, and they completely let themselves go? And don't you dare bring it up, then you're the bad guy (or gal in my situation since I'm DW.)

Fantasize about someone else while you're doing it. My husband is 40 pounds overweight, at least.

I would feel SO guilty!!! Mine is a good 30lbs overweight.