Neighbors always coming in our yard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

[Anonymous]

It's also dangerous to have little children wandering around your yard like that w/o your knowledge. Do they do this to anyone else or just you?

[Anonymous]

Thanks, OP! I thought WE had the worst neighbors (scaling the 6 foot fence, w our 150 lb dogs in the yard, to get a Frisbee, having construction workers go into OUR yard to use OUR HOSE to clean up. And yes, they have their own hose and outdoor faucet. Letting their dogs run loose to sh!t and p!ss on my flowers/grass that my husband spends lots of time to look spectacular )

We confronted them and when that didn't work (3or 4 x) we contacted HOA. That did the trick! No loss of love there

[Anonymous]

If the in-ground spa is new, then you can say (and by the way it might actually be true) that you've just checked with/updated your insurance company, and you cannot allow people in your yard w/o the presence of one of the adults in your household.

And you probably do need to figure out how to have a locking gate somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

[Anonymous]

The in ground spa is enough to warrant a locked gate and warning to the neighbors to not come uninvited. You don't want those little kids getting used to being in your yard, then getting in unsupervised and drowning at some point. This is conversation you need to have with her, but personally, I'd approach it from a safety standpoint and then throw in that I'm an introvert and really need my down time as well or I just don't function well but that your happy to have them over sometimes, but you need to arrange it ahead of time. I wouldn't cut her off entirely, you never know, she might end up being a good friend some day, but set some gentle boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, I clicked on this just to make sure it wasn't my neighbors. My DD LOVES the next door neighbor kids (toddler/preschool age) and follows them around when they're outside, including into their yard. their kids are a bit too young to supervise her so it means I tag along as well. We got "oh yeah, sure, it's fine!" about a year ago when dd started walking, but I always wonder if it still is and try to look for signals and cut it short if I get any.

Stop tagging along, and instead teach your daughter that she stops at the entrance to neighbor's yard. And you meet her at that point and bring her back to your yard. Invite the children she adores over to play in your backyard.

+1

Yes, PP - you're not as crazy rude as the OP's neighbors but you and your daughter are a PITA. I realize you mean well and I'm sure your child is adorable some of the time. But from someone who has been in your neighbors' position, it wears thin very quickly. We had neighbors like you a few years back and it made me crazy that every time I went to do some gardening I had to manage not only my own kid but someone else's as well - plus her mother tagging along. Ugh. You're watching for signals really? Please, I guarantee your neighbors are sending them. It sounds like the neighbor's kids are not the same age as yours, right? Believe me, they don't want you guys there even if they're too polite to say so. If your kid is hire in your own yard find her some toys, organize play dates, take her to the park, whatever. Just don't haunt your neighbors in their own yard!

[Anonymous]

I may have missed this earlier in the thread, but do you live on a military base? One of my pet peeves of base housing was that people treated it like a commune even though we all had our own private yards.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm unclear on one point: have you asked or told these people to stop coming into your yard?

[Anonymous]

This behavior goes beyond brazen or even creepy. It is almost sociopathic. And you are assuming a huge amount of liability if someone gets injured on your property. I would take a multi step approach:

- gate lock and no trespassing sign. Actually, the lock may be required by county code if you have a spa or pool. Might be worth looking into.
- blunt talk with neighbors. Do NOT give them excuses why you don't want them over. They won't get it or they won't care. Tell them directly that you do not want them on any part of your property at any time. Period.
- call the non-emergency police number if they still violate your property
- if all else fails, get a restraining order

Seriously, these people sound unstable. Your first responsibility is to your family and your property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, I clicked on this just to make sure it wasn't my neighbors. My DD LOVES the next door neighbor kids (toddler/preschool age) and follows them around when they're outside, including into their yard. their kids are a bit too young to supervise her so it means I tag along as well. We got "oh yeah, sure, it's fine!" about a year ago when dd started walking, but I always wonder if it still is and try to look for signals and cut it short if I get any.

Stop tagging along, and instead teach your daughter that she stops at the entrance to neighbor's yard. And you meet her at that point and bring her back to your yard. Invite the children she adores over to play in your backyard.

+1

Yes, PP - you're not as crazy rude as the OP's neighbors but you and your daughter are a PITA. I realize you mean well and I'm sure your child is adorable some of the time. But from someone who has been in your neighbors' position, it wears thin very quickly. We had neighbors like you a few years back and it made me crazy that every time I went to do some gardening I had to manage not only my own kid but someone else's as well - plus her mother tagging along. Ugh. You're watching for signals really? Please, I guarantee your neighbors are sending them. It sounds like the neighbor's kids are not the same age as yours, right? Believe me, they don't want you guys there even if they're too polite to say so. If your kid is hire in your own yard find her some toys, organize play dates, take her to the park, whatever. Just don't haunt your neighbors in their own yard!

Amen, sister!! I've already been, there, done that with toddlers- I don't need one trailing me in my own yard every single time I go outside.

I lived at the park when my kids were that small. They should too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

+5000. I've lived in the DC area for a couple years and never cease to be amazed at some of the weird, awkward, antisocial behavior that seems to run strong around here.

Reminds me of when I moved here shortly after college and a 20something roommate in the group house I was living in let her strict, very old fashioned parents LIVE in our 6 person young professional/millennial house when they visited from out of town. First they overstayed their welcome for a long weekend (we said they could spend two nights and assumed it'd be a one time thing), then crashed again for over a WEEK while informing us on short notice without really giving us a choice that they'd be coming again... This was a lousy, angry, bossy roommate who no one really cared for anyway due to her lack of coping and social skills (only child and home taught too), and we had the displeasure of her folks not only sleeping overnight, but roaming around the house during the day (she gave them a spare key and some of us worked from home), making family dinners every night in our kitchen, even entertaining a family friend on a Saturday night in our dining room as roommates awkwardly steered around them. :-x

The lack of boundaries and social tact was appalling, and the parents never even thanked us, offered us food or money or directly communicated with me or the roommates. We realized this saved them $$ vs. a hotel...but the principal of encouraging your parents to chill out among your roomies while they go about their business on a weekend/drink, blast dance music, have loud sex upstairs etc...And when we had the nerve to tell them to stop this, she and her parents FLIPPED OUT at us and acted like we were the bad guys for implying that parents shouldn't be roaming around a shared house of young professionals. Especially when they don't pay rent or respect boundaries. Unreal...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

+5000. I've lived in the DC area for a couple years and never cease to be amazed at some of the weird, awkward, antisocial behavior that seems to run strong around here.

Reminds me of when I moved here shortly after college and a 20something roommate in the group house I was living in let her strict, very old fashioned parents LIVE in our 6 person young professional/millennial house when they visited from out of town. First they overstayed their welcome for a long weekend (we said they could spend two nights and assumed it'd be a one time thing), then crashed again for over a WEEK while informing us on short notice without really giving us a choice that they'd be coming again... This was a lousy, angry, bossy roommate who no one really cared for anyway due to her lack of coping and social skills (only child and home taught too), and we had the displeasure of her folks not only sleeping overnight, but roaming around the house during the day (she gave them a spare key and some of us worked from home), making family dinners every night in our kitchen, even entertaining a family friend on a Saturday night in our dining room as roommates awkwardly steered around them. :-x

The lack of boundaries and social tact was appalling, and the parents never even thanked us, offered us food or money or directly communicated with me or the roommates. We realized this saved them $$ vs. a hotel...but the principal of encouraging your parents to chill out among your roomies while they go about their business on a weekend/drink, blast dance music, have loud sex upstairs etc...And when we had the nerve to tell them to stop this, she and her parents FLIPPED OUT at us and acted like we were the bad guys for implying that parents shouldn't be roaming around a shared house of young professionals. Especially when they don't pay rent or respect boundaries. Unreal...

Ok, you are a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Man, people sure are unfriendly! While I agree that the family seems clueless, it is a little sad that so many people seem to be against neighbors casually dropping by.