Neighbors always coming in our yard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very friendly neighborhood and love almost all of our neighbors.

However, we have one family that freely (without asking) is continually coming through our fence and hanging out in out backyard. I've glanced up from my kitchen and there one is looking at me from my back patio.

We do have a fence--doesn't matter. This is also a family that we are not as close to and they have never invited a single other family to their home. Conversely- they have been to quite a few events at our house which makes it even more annoying. Its been a few years too. I've never seen the inside of their house. They have never hosted and everyone else in the neighbirhoid routinely does.

My kid are much older--elementary school. They have an infant and toddler.

We just redid our entire backyard and it is very nice back there. If I am hanging out with my own kids --they'll just come through the gate and not leave.

I grew up in a house with a yard and the unspoken KNOWN rule is you don't go in other peoples yards (especially through a back fence) unless you are invited--or at the very least we are there. I am totally fine with kids retrieving balls, etc. my own kids friends will come over when they hear my kids and that's fine too.

But adults/families just using my yard like it's their own- not ok. We also have a fantastic neighbirhood park that is filled with kids their age yet they seem to never go there and prefer to use my yard for personal enjoyment.

So since they aren't listening--wtf do I do?

Listening to what?? YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING! Nowhere in your post above have you shared that you've spoken directly to these people. You just stare out your window. Did you really come here because you don't know what to do? Be an adult and tell them that it is not okay to come into your yard uninvited.

[Anonymous]

I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next tine they come over just pointedly and politely ask them "hi there. was there something you needed?"

When they say no say " oh. Ok. Well-good to see you. We're not really expecting company now. But Have a good weekend. ". And say. Nothing. Else. It will feel awkward. Don't flinch.

Omg--I was stone-faced last night. Blatantly ignoring this person and she kept trying to insert her kid in my 10-year olds ge we were playing. We were out together and didn't want to stop active play to entertain a 1-year old when we out there and not the park to spend time together.

Very pushy people that take no social clues and ignore that I've said not comfortable with kid coming back there uninvited because we have an inground spa. Sbe already passively aggressively makes 'jokes' about how they can't go in it.

I'm not the previous poster. I like one PP's idea of a lock, but you wrote it wouldn't work out.

It sounds like you are going to have to be direct, because they don't seem to understand hints or looks or awkward moments. I think you need to tell them directly that you don't feel comfortable with them hanging out in your yard, because your kids are such different ages. Is your husband more direct? Ask him to call them and talk to them. Don't put it off, just do it.

FWIW, I hate confrontations, but some people are just so pushy, that you do end up having to be direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lock on the gate.

+1. If they climb the gate or get in another way, follow 8:07's lead. Good luck! That would really bother me too.

No, if they do that, call the cops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you've let this go on for years! Now it's going to be super awkward to bring it up. It sounds like you will have to be very direct. Next time just tell them that you have been thinking and decided that uninvited guests are a problem because of the hot tub and you are concerned your older kids will hurt the younger ones, so please only come over if we have invited you. Maybe you can mention how much your kids loved the park at that age.


I am so curious about why they would do this in the first place. Does your yard have an awesome swing set or something? Is there yard tiny or slanted or otherwise unsuitable for kids to play in? We are about to move into our first house and it has a yard with a big privacy fence. I will not be happy if random people start showing up back there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's so odd. I wonder if the parents have aspergers or something.

Why is Asperger's/ASD the go-to diagnosis on this board for anyone acting weird, not having manners, doing anything outside the poster's idea of normal? It is obnoxious.

Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you've let this go on for years! Now it's going to be super awkward to bring it up. It sounds like you will have to be very direct. Next time just tell them that you have been thinking and decided that uninvited guests are a problem because of the hot tub and you are concerned your older kids will hurt the younger ones, so please only come over if we have invited you. Maybe you can mention how much your kids loved the park at that age.


I am so curious about why they would do this in the first place. Does your yard have an awesome swing set or something? Is there yard tiny or slanted or otherwise unsuitable for kids to play in? We are about to move into our first house and it has a yard with a big privacy fence. I will not be happy if random people start showing up back there!

Not years. Just a couple weeks since backyard was overhauled.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they're hoping that if they keep applying pressure, you'll give them carte blanche to use your hot tub (which sounds like a big thing for them if they keep hinting about it). I would put an end to this. "Oh - you're here again? Sorry, we're having family time back here now. And just in general, we need you to ask first before coming by. We're not really OK with this drop-by thing and this is our property. Goodnight!" Then starting calling non-emerg police line for trespassing if they keep blowing you off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, why are you using social cues and just hinting around? Just tell them they can't be in your yard without permission.

+1

These people are dense, OP. I am so sorry to hear.

We had this in our neighborhood, too. There is a family that goes from neighbor to neighbor, until they wear them out! One neighbor notified me, while I was away, and told me that the needy neighbor was in my (fenced) backyard, using it while I was away - and by any chance, would I have given them permission (she knew I did not). Now the neighborhood looks out for the needy neighbor. She has one or two other needy neighbor friends, but the bulk are tired of stunts like this, for obvious reasons. The fact that the needy neighbors are tired of each other, and use each other for gossip, tells you something, in the case I describe.

Anyway, time to invest in some nice evergreens. And don't hesitate to say no to people like this. They don't operate like the rest of the world does, and I guarantee they are teaching their children that the rules apply to anyone but them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's so odd. I wonder if the parents have aspergers or something.

Why is Asperger's/ASD the go-to diagnosis on this board for anyone acting weird, not having manners, doing anything outside the poster's idea of normal? It is obnoxious.

Carry on.

+1000

No excuse for rude and entitled. You have our permission to tell them to leave and not come back, OP. Of course, you'll probably be the bad guy, in their version, but really who cares? I would bet the other neighbors know their spiel very well by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you've let this go on for years! Now it's going to be super awkward to bring it up. It sounds like you will have to be very direct. Next time just tell them that you have been thinking and decided that uninvited guests are a problem because of the hot tub and you are concerned your older kids will hurt the younger ones, so please only come over if we have invited you. Maybe you can mention how much your kids loved the park at that age.


I am so curious about why they would do this in the first place. Does your yard have an awesome swing set or something? Is there yard tiny or slanted or otherwise unsuitable for kids to play in? We are about to move into our first house and it has a yard with a big privacy fence. I will not be happy if random people start showing up back there!

I don't care if there is an all out amusement park with live ponies back there. The PITA neighbors don't belong there. They were not invited. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, why are you using social cues and just hinting around? Just tell them they can't be in your yard without permission.

+1

These people are dense, OP. I am so sorry to hear.

We had this in our neighborhood, too. There is a family that goes from neighbor to neighbor, until they wear them out! One neighbor notified me, while I was away, and told me that the needy neighbor was in my (fenced) backyard, using it while I was away - and by any chance, would I have given them permission (she knew I did not). Now the neighborhood looks out for the needy neighbor. She has one or two other needy neighbor friends, but the bulk are tired of stunts like this, for obvious reasons. The fact that the needy neighbors are tired of each other, and use each other for gossip, tells you something, in the case I describe.

Anyway, time to invest in some nice evergreens. And don't hesitate to say no to people like this. They don't operate like the rest of the world does, and I guarantee they are teaching their children that the rules apply to anyone but them.

I am mystified as to why these needy neighbors *need* to use their neighbor's back yards. What the heck is up with that? Why don't they use their own danged yards??

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's a cultural misunderstanding? We recently had a couple of neighbor moms start sitting on our front planting bed while waiting for the school bus. So bizzare since they never acknowledged us before this. After a couple of days I'd had enough and told them our house was not their bus stop. They clearly did not speak English so I felt a bit bad, but I don't think they understood it was inappropriate. Oh well!