Neighbors always coming in our yard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When Did hot tubs start being called "spas"? That is too hilarious. It's not a spa. A spa is a business you go to for massage, facials, treatments, etc...

A hot tub, is a hot tub. Really. Pretentious much?

I have heard the terms "hot tub" and "spa" used interchangeably for years. It's not a new thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_tub

I am pretty sure spa is the term they use when the item is part of the Showcase Showdown.

HAHAHAHAHAHA FTW

The difference is about $10-15k.

Above ground, pre-fab montsrosity=hot tub.v$3-5k

Custom, flush, in-ground, stainless=thermal spa. $10-18k.

Redneck v Classy

Same end-result. Everyone naked.

WTF are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, I clicked on this just to make sure it wasn't my neighbors. My DD LOVES the next door neighbor kids (toddler/preschool age) and follows them around when they're outside, including into their yard. their kids are a bit too young to supervise her so it means I tag along as well. We got "oh yeah, sure, it's fine!" about a year ago when dd started walking, but I always wonder if it still is and try to look for signals and cut it short if I get any.

yes, it's your neighbor because this is exactly how your neighbor feels.

look First time mommy, older kids don't want to play with your baby because they then have to listen to "be careful! watch out!" and the mom doesn't want to spend her time policing the kids because she wants them to run around and get their energy out. And honestly what is your neighbor supposed you wander into her yard and go on and on about how cute your little one is.

who cares that your DD love the other kids. They don't love her. Stay in your own yard or go for a walk and stop being so rude.

+1 Get a clue, mom with dd. You and your child should stop bugging the neigjbors. Find a fun class with peers for dd.

+1

No kidding. Lazy moms like PP are the worst. Of course, PP has all the time in the world to try to disrupt her neighbors. So gauche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very friendly neighborhood and love almost all of our neighbors.

However, we have one family that freely (without asking) is continually coming through our fence and hanging out in out backyard. I've glanced up from my kitchen and there one is looking at me from my back patio.

We do have a fence--doesn't matter. This is also a family that we are not as close to and they have never invited a single other family to their home. Conversely- they have been to quite a few events at our house which makes it even more annoying. Its been a few years too. I've never seen the inside of their house. They have never hosted and everyone else in the neighbirhoid routinely does.

My kid are much older--elementary school. They have an infant and toddler.

We just redid our entire backyard and it is very nice back there. If I am hanging out with my own kids --they'll just come through the gate and not leave.

I grew up in a house with a yard and the unspoken KNOWN rule is you don't go in other peoples yards (especially through a back fence) unless you are invited--or at the very least we are there. I am totally fine with kids retrieving balls, etc. my own kids friends will come over when they hear my kids and that's fine too.

But adults/families just using my yard like it's their own- not ok. We also have a fantastic neighbirhood park that is filled with kids their age yet they seem to never go there and prefer to use my yard for personal enjoyment.

So since they aren't listening--wtf do I do?

Hmm, let me guess? You had them over to show off your new backyard, they said they loved it and you told them something like "you are welcome anytime to come on over!" Well, they took that seriously so now you have to be more direct. They aren't going to get stone faced looks.

In other words, they are looking for free babysitting, so you better run, OP. I am certain that when OP was being neighborly, she foresaw normal (may even reciprocal - EGADS!!) people and not lazy, user, heehaw losers.

[Anonymous]

She may be trying to befriend you, op, because you're both moms and until now you've probably been neighborly friendly. She takes her toddler outside and thinks 'hey, let's go see if Jenny and the kids are out.'

As pp asked, at any time did you casually say they could come over any time or when her toddler wandered over did you say it was 'no problem.' In normal society these would be simple niceties. To this woman she only hears what she wants - the nice woman with kids next door is cool with us coming over.

It's time to be straightforward. "Destiny, we can't have people come into the yard when we aren't expecting them." You can't worry about offending them. You also would be legally responsible legally if something happened.

[Anonymous]

I just love the nuisance neighbors on this board chiming in to fault OP, as if OP being neighborly was somehow a crime.

[Anonymous]

Older kids can like to play with younger kids. That really isn't the issue. It's the coming into the backyard and hanging out there uninvited that's odd. It feels like there are some details missing in this story. I just can't imagine someone being that brazen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

+5000. I've lived in the DC area for a couple years and never cease to be amazed at some of the weird, awkward, antisocial behavior that seems to run strong around here.

Reminds me of when I moved here shortly after college and a 20something roommate in the group house I was living in let her strict, very old fashioned parents LIVE in our 6 person young professional/millennial house when they visited from out of town. First they overstayed their welcome for a long weekend (we said they could spend two nights and assumed it'd be a one time thing), then crashed again for over a WEEK while informing us on short notice without really giving us a choice that they'd be coming again... This was a lousy, angry, bossy roommate who no one really cared for anyway due to her lack of coping and social skills (only child and home taught too), and we had the displeasure of her folks not only sleeping overnight, but roaming around the house during the day (she gave them a spare key and some of us worked from home), making family dinners every night in our kitchen, even entertaining a family friend on a Saturday night in our dining room as roommates awkwardly steered around them. :-x

The lack of boundaries and social tact was appalling, and the parents never even thanked us, offered us food or money or directly communicated with me or the roommates. We realized this saved them $$ vs. a hotel...but the principal of encouraging your parents to chill out among your roomies while they go about their business on a weekend/drink, blast dance music, have loud sex upstairs etc...And when we had the nerve to tell them to stop this, she and her parents FLIPPED OUT at us and acted like we were the bad guys for implying that parents shouldn't be roaming around a shared house of young professionals. Especially when they don't pay rent or respect boundaries. Unreal...

Ok, you are a bitch.

No, not a biotch at all. I lived in a group house before. It was still my home - the place I went to unwind, chill out with people of my own generation. If I had wanted to share a place with parents I would saved my rent $ and stayed in my own parents' house. But I wanted my own place where I could have fun and be comfortable. I would not have appreciated a roommate who kept having her parents over for long weekends, week long stays, etc. In fact, I would have really resented the heck out of that.

I don't know, the behavior sounds unreasonable but you and the other pp sound even worse. You guys are the reason everybody complains about millennials.

So not appreciating someone's *unreasonable* behavior is..unreasonable in your view? Does that make any sense at all? Remember - pp didn't say that she DID anything other than put up with this roommate and her parents taking over their group house whenever they felt like doing it. She simply did not appreciate these *uninvited* house guests and I can not blame her. I'm 50 BTW..

The thing is there is nothing presumptively unreasonable about having your OWN PARENTS as houseguests! This PP seems to think there is some rock solid rule of etiquette that you never have your parents as guests if you have 20 somethings as roommates, and is still in high dudgeon about it. It's kind of bizarre, actually. Definitely there are considerations about house guests in general when you live with roommates, but being specifically put out because they're parents is a bit weird. I can get that it would be a little awkward, but that's life when you live in a group house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit, I clicked on this just to make sure it wasn't my neighbors. My DD LOVES the next door neighbor kids (toddler/preschool age) and follows them around when they're outside, including into their yard. their kids are a bit too young to supervise her so it means I tag along as well. We got "oh yeah, sure, it's fine!" about a year ago when dd started walking, but I always wonder if it still is and try to look for signals and cut it short if I get any.

yes, it's your neighbor because this is exactly how your neighbor feels.

look First time mommy, older kids don't want to play with your baby because they then have to listen to "be careful! watch out!" and the mom doesn't want to spend her time policing the kids because she wants them to run around and get their energy out. And honestly what is your neighbor supposed you wander into her yard and go on and on about how cute your little one is.

who cares that your DD love the other kids. They don't love her. Stay in your own yard or go for a walk and stop being so rude.

PP. Please stop doing this. As a parent of the oldest kids on the block, I really don't want to take care of your toddlers in my yard. I worry about them getting hurt, because all the stuff in my yard is for elementary aged kids. I don't want you to hang out with my kids because I want them to have time to play independently with their peers. I truly sympathize with the OP, it's tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

+5000. I've lived in the DC area for a couple years and never cease to be amazed at some of the weird, awkward, antisocial behavior that seems to run strong around here.

Reminds me of when I moved here shortly after college and a 20something roommate in the group house I was living in let her strict, very old fashioned parents LIVE in our 6 person young professional/millennial house when they visited from out of town. First they overstayed their welcome for a long weekend (we said they could spend two nights and assumed it'd be a one time thing), then crashed again for over a WEEK while informing us on short notice without really giving us a choice that they'd be coming again... This was a lousy, angry, bossy roommate who no one really cared for anyway due to her lack of coping and social skills (only child and home taught too), and we had the displeasure of her folks not only sleeping overnight, but roaming around the house during the day (she gave them a spare key and some of us worked from home), making family dinners every night in our kitchen, even entertaining a family friend on a Saturday night in our dining room as roommates awkwardly steered around them. :-x

The lack of boundaries and social tact was appalling, and the parents never even thanked us, offered us food or money or directly communicated with me or the roommates. We realized this saved them $$ vs. a hotel...but the principal of encouraging your parents to chill out among your roomies while they go about their business on a weekend/drink, blast dance music, have loud sex upstairs etc...And when we had the nerve to tell them to stop this, she and her parents FLIPPED OUT at us and acted like we were the bad guys for implying that parents shouldn't be roaming around a shared house of young professionals. Especially when they don't pay rent or respect boundaries. Unreal...

Ok, you are a bitch.

No, not a biotch at all. I lived in a group house before. It was still my home - the place I went to unwind, chill out with people of my own generation. If I had wanted to share a place with parents I would saved my rent $ and stayed in my own parents' house. But I wanted my own place where I could have fun and be comfortable. I would not have appreciated a roommate who kept having her parents over for long weekends, week long stays, etc. In fact, I would have really resented the heck out of that.

I don't know, the behavior sounds unreasonable but you and the other pp sound even worse. You guys are the reason everybody complains about millennials.

So not appreciating someone's *unreasonable* behavior is..unreasonable in your view? Does that make any sense at all? Remember - pp didn't say that she DID anything other than put up with this roommate and her parents taking over their group house whenever they felt like doing it. She simply did not appreciate these *uninvited* house guests and I can not blame her. I'm 50 BTW..

The thing is there is nothing presumptively unreasonable about having your OWN PARENTS as houseguests! This PP seems to think there is some rock solid rule of etiquette that you never have your parents as guests if you have 20 somethings as roommates, and is still in high dudgeon about it. It's kind of bizarre, actually. Definitely there are considerations about house guests in general when you live with roommates, but being specifically put out because they're parents is a bit weird. I can get that it would be a little awkward, but that's life when you live in a group house.

Actually I would say that there absolutely is an unwritten rule among housemates that majority rules. If the majority of the housemates do not want parents as overnight house guests in their shared home then the roommate needs to make other accommodations for the parents. If you find that you are the only housemate that has an objection you either suck it up and deal until you can find a new place OR you take it up with your landlord.

Of course, there is also the unwritten rule that housemates respect the other housemates' parents. If they come for a (planned) visit everyone needs to behave themselves and be polite. But if the parents overstay their welcome and/or make it habit of hanging out in the house a lot....it is absolutely o.k. for the housemates to object to that. The parents and that housemate are being the rude ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very friendly neighborhood and love almost all of our neighbors.

However, we have one family that freely (without asking) is continually coming through our fence and hanging out in out backyard. I've glanced up from my kitchen and there one is looking at me from my back patio.

We do have a fence--doesn't matter. This is also a family that we are not as close to and they have never invited a single other family to their home. Conversely- they have been to quite a few events at our house which makes it even more annoying. Its been a few years too. I've never seen the inside of their house. They have never hosted and everyone else in the neighbirhoid routinely does.

My kid are much older--elementary school. They have an infant and toddler.

We just redid our entire backyard and it is very nice back there. If I am hanging out with my own kids --they'll just come through the gate and not leave.

I grew up in a house with a yard and the unspoken KNOWN rule is you don't go in other peoples yards (especially through a back fence) unless you are invited--or at the very least we are there. I am totally fine with kids retrieving balls, etc. my own kids friends will come over when they hear my kids and that's fine too.

But adults/families just using my yard like it's their own- not ok. We also have a fantastic neighbirhood park that is filled with kids their age yet they seem to never go there and prefer to use my yard for personal enjoyment.

So since they aren't listening--wtf do I do?

???? How can ANYONE possibly think it's OK to do this?? This is so far off the socially acceptable charts in any culture, I would be shocked.

Tell them directly that it is not OK to do this without invitation. It is not. Don't overexplain or feel uncomfortable. This is your house, your property!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When Did hot tubs start being called "spas"? That is too hilarious. It's not a spa. A spa is a business you go to for massage, facials, treatments, etc...

A hot tub, is a hot tub. Really. Pretentious much?

I have heard the terms "hot tub" and "spa" used interchangeably for years. It's not a new thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_tub

I am pretty sure spa is the term they use when the item is part of the Showcase Showdown.

Yes!!

It's a regional thing, not a pretentious thing. And as others have pointed out, a commonly used interchangeable term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this - just show up in the backyard. I told them 'I think we need to take a break from this for awhile.' To which they asked, 'how long' and I said at least til the (Fall in my case).' This was 2 years ago. I've never asked them over since. This is a neighborly 'friendship' you can do without.

My backyard is my oasis and I wouldn't want anything that creates stress, like it's doing for you.

+1

The crazy bold person above--- really?? Why should she have to? God-the self-entitlement! You don't go uninvited into people's backyards. It's called trespassing and in many states you could be shot for doing it.

Not the 'bolded climb the gate'. I was referring to the woman attacking OP for not saying more. Not everyone is a bitch and wants strife

not the pp to whom you are responding, But commonsense dictates if they're already violating boundaries then you need to be extremely direct and clear with them about what you do not want them to do. And what year are we living in, standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bitch makes you a grown ass woman.

This. People are so dependent on group support, that when they have to stand up and handle a negative situation all by themselves, they are too passive and prefer to rely on weak social cues instead. No wonder her neighbors keep coming back.

Really?? Why is the onus never on the uncouth assholes?

How about rude people have some class and manners?

People like OP described run through life crying how people are so mean.

To the other poster--teach your kid NOT to go in other people's yards. It's thar simple. Pick them up and remove them when they do and forcefully tell them this is not our yard/house. It's called teaching. It's how kids learn appropriate behaviors. Don't be a pansy and talk in a baby voice 'no sweetie'--half-assly all the while letting your kid call the shots. It's rude.

This. And passive-aggressively blaming the neighbor 'Mr. Smith doesn't want us back here' is f-d up. It's a law. It's private property. Teach your kids this.

+5000. I've lived in the DC area for a couple years and never cease to be amazed at some of the weird, awkward, antisocial behavior that seems to run strong around here.

Reminds me of when I moved here shortly after college and a 20something roommate in the group house I was living in let her strict, very old fashioned parents LIVE in our 6 person young professional/millennial house when they visited from out of town. First they overstayed their welcome for a long weekend (we said they could spend two nights and assumed it'd be a one time thing), then crashed again for over a WEEK while informing us on short notice without really giving us a choice that they'd be coming again... This was a lousy, angry, bossy roommate who no one really cared for anyway due to her lack of coping and social skills (only child and home taught too), and we had the displeasure of her folks not only sleeping overnight, but roaming around the house during the day (she gave them a spare key and some of us worked from home), making family dinners every night in our kitchen, even entertaining a family friend on a Saturday night in our dining room as roommates awkwardly steered around them. :-x

The lack of boundaries and social tact was appalling, and the parents never even thanked us, offered us food or money or directly communicated with me or the roommates. We realized this saved them $$ vs. a hotel...but the principal of encouraging your parents to chill out among your roomies while they go about their business on a weekend/drink, blast dance music, have loud sex upstairs etc...And when we had the nerve to tell them to stop this, she and her parents FLIPPED OUT at us and acted like we were the bad guys for implying that parents shouldn't be roaming around a shared house of young professionals. Especially when they don't pay rent or respect boundaries. Unreal...

Ok, you are a bitch.

No, not a biotch at all. I lived in a group house before. It was still my home - the place I went to unwind, chill out with people of my own generation. If I had wanted to share a place with parents I would saved my rent $ and stayed in my own parents' house. But I wanted my own place where I could have fun and be comfortable. I would not have appreciated a roommate who kept having her parents over for long weekends, week long stays, etc. In fact, I would have really resented the heck out of that.

I don't know, the behavior sounds unreasonable but you and the other pp sound even worse. You guys are the reason everybody complains about millennials.

So not appreciating someone's *unreasonable* behavior is..unreasonable in your view? Does that make any sense at all? Remember - pp didn't say that she DID anything other than put up with this roommate and her parents taking over their group house whenever they felt like doing it. She simply did not appreciate these *uninvited* house guests and I can not blame her. I'm 50 BTW..

The thing is there is nothing presumptively unreasonable about having your OWN PARENTS as houseguests! This PP seems to think there is some rock solid rule of etiquette that you never have your parents as guests if you have 20 somethings as roommates, and is still in high dudgeon about it. It's kind of bizarre, actually. Definitely there are considerations about house guests in general when you live with roommates, but being specifically put out because they're parents is a bit weird. I can get that it would be a little awkward, but that's life when you live in a group house.

Actually I would say that there absolutely is an unwritten rule among housemates that majority rules. If the majority of the housemates do not want parents as overnight house guests in their shared home then the roommate needs to make other accommodations for the parents. If you find that you are the only housemate that has an objection you either suck it up and deal until you can find a new place OR you take it up with your landlord.

Of course, there is also the unwritten rule that housemates respect the other housemates' parents. If they come for a (planned) visit everyone needs to behave themselves and be polite. But if the parents overstay their welcome and/or make it habit of hanging out in the house a lot....it is absolutely o.k. for the housemates to object to that. The parents and that housemate are being the rude ones.[/quote

Sure, I guess if the housemates all got together and decided that there was a rule of "no parents allowed," then that would be ok (if rather juvenile). But the PPs story was that she believes it is against some universal rules of etiquette to have ones parents as house guests when you have roommates.

[Anonymous]

So it seems like it really is the rule that kids can't just go play with other kids in their yards, unless they are formally invited as part of a "play date"? Sheesh. When I was growing up we actually had a shared backyard with the next-door neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it seems like it really is the rule that kids can't just go play with other kids in their yards, unless they are formally invited as part of a "play date"? Sheesh. When I was growing up we actually had a shared backyard with the next-door neighbors.

I have a feeling it's one of those DCUM-only rules, where real-world interactions make clear how ridiculous it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it seems like it really is the rule that kids can't just go play with other kids in their yards, unless they are formally invited as part of a "play date"? Sheesh. When I was growing up we actually had a shared backyard with the next-door neighbors.

A 2-year old with10 and 12- year olds is not a play date. The kids can't play tough with their own friends with uninvited toddlers.