Men with low sex drive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned porn addiction, that also kills a libido. My ex had a million excuses for not being in the mood. I later found "signs" of him masturbating frequently and began to peel back the layers of the onion.

DH's excessive masturbation killed my marriage. My lawyer said it was a common cause of divorce.

Interesting debate - excessive masturbation to porn vs. low desire for wife. My DW is low drive. She is fine with sex a couple times a month. So I masturbate to porn 10 times for every time I am intimate with her. I wouldn't chose this ratio, would much rather have an enthusiastic sex partner. But there has been the occasional awkward time where I had already finished myself off and had trouble getting in the mood when DW insinuated she would be open to having sex.

So while I am sure there are men who neglect their spouses in favor of porn, I wonder how many others are like me and use porn as a substitute to having a DW with a similar libido (and masturbating often instead of getting frustrated and complaining about the lack of sex in the marriage).

Wife here. That's me. Last time we had sex, H couldn't even remember how long it has been, whereas I track it obsessively because it's never enough for me. He would be shocked to know that I have much more sex without him than with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned porn addiction, that also kills a libido. My ex had a million excuses for not being in the mood. I later found "signs" of him masturbating frequently and began to peel back the layers of the onion.

DH's excessive masturbation killed my marriage. My lawyer said it was a common cause of divorce.

Interesting debate - excessive masturbation to porn vs. low desire for wife. My DW is low drive. She is fine with sex a couple times a month. So I masturbate to porn 10 times for every time I am intimate with her. I wouldn't chose this ratio, would much rather have an enthusiastic sex partner. But there has been the occasional awkward time where I had already finished myself off and had trouble getting in the mood when DW insinuated she would be open to having sex.

So while I am sure there are men who neglect their spouses in favor of porn, I wonder how many others are like me and use porn as a substitute to having a DW with a similar libido (and masturbating often instead of getting frustrated and complaining about the lack of sex in the marriage).

Somewhat related - I wonder how many marriages like this would have more sex without porn. For example, I suspect there are marriages where the lower drive wife would like the husband to put more effort into her and would have more sex if he did (but still not as much sex as he would like.) In other words, her preference would be for him to be frustrated and paying more attention to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned porn addiction, that also kills a libido. My ex had a million excuses for not being in the mood. I later found "signs" of him masturbating frequently and began to peel back the layers of the onion.

Somewhat related - I wonder how many marriages like this would have more sex without porn. For example, I suspect there are marriages where the lower drive wife would like the husband to put more effort into her and would have more sex if he did (but still not as much sex as he would like.) In other words, her preference would be for him to be frustrated and paying more attention to her.

This would describe my marriage. After frequent rejection, I mostly stopped trying to initiate with my low drive DW, and I take care of myself most of the time. I would have thought DW would have been thrilled I pretty much stopped trying to get her into bed. She told me she missed my trying to get her into bed - it made her feel desired; she actually liked my initiating even if she wasn't in the mood to say yes.

We have sex on her schedule, about 3 times per month. If I put more effort into seducing her, it would be 4-5 times per month, she would feel more desirable, and I would feel more rejected. So yes, it makes perfect sense for a low drive spouse to prefer their high drive spouse to pour their efforts into the low drive spouse versus porn. I don't think it is consciously selfish as much as a low drive spouse has no concept of how it feels to be constantly rejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned porn addiction, that also kills a libido. My ex had a million excuses for not being in the mood. I later found "signs" of him masturbating frequently and began to peel back the layers of the onion.

DH's excessive masturbation killed my marriage. My lawyer said it was a common cause of divorce.

Interesting debate - excessive masturbation to porn vs. low desire for wife. My DW is low drive. She is fine with sex a couple times a month. So I masturbate to porn 10 times for every time I am intimate with her. I wouldn't chose this ratio, would much rather have an enthusiastic sex partner. But there has been the occasional awkward time where I had already finished myself off and had trouble getting in the mood when DW insinuated she would be open to having sex.

So while I am sure there are men who neglect their spouses in favor of porn, I wonder how many others are like me and use porn as a substitute to having a DW with a similar libido (and masturbating often instead of getting frustrated and complaining about the lack of sex in the marriage).

Wife here. That's me. Last time we had sex, H couldn't even remember how long it has been, whereas I track it obsessively because it's never enough for me. He would be shocked to know that I have much more sex without him than with him.

My husband would get angry or act irritated/annoyed with me when I would bring up how long it had been since we last had sex (measured in months in our marriage). Of course I knew, because I was constantly frustrated by the lack of sex!

He also had the nerve to tell me that he didn't like that I owned a vibrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband would get angry or act irritated/annoyed with me when I would bring up how long it had been since we last had sex (measured in months in our marriage). Of course I knew, because I was constantly frustrated by the lack of sex!

He also had the nerve to tell me that he didn't like that I owned a vibrator.

My wife is very similar except she gets angry when I masturbate.