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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Surprised no one has mentioned porn addiction, that also kills a libido. My ex had a million excuses for not being in the mood. I later found "signs" of him masturbating frequently and began to peel back the layers of the onion. [/quote]

Somewhat related - I wonder how many marriages like this would have more sex without porn. For example, I suspect there are marriages where the lower drive wife would like the husband to put more effort into her and would have more sex if he did (but still not as much sex as he would like.) In other words, her preference would be for him to be frustrated and paying more attention to her. [/quote]

This would describe my marriage.  After frequent rejection, I mostly stopped trying to initiate with my low drive DW, and I take care of myself most of the time.   I would have thought DW would have been thrilled I pretty much stopped trying to get her into bed. She told me she missed my trying to get her into bed - it made her feel desired; she actually liked my initiating even if she wasn't in the mood to say yes.

We have sex on her schedule, about 3 times per month.  If I put more effort into seducing her, it would be 4-5 times per month, she would feel more desirable, and I would feel more rejected.  So yes, it makes perfect sense for a low drive spouse to prefer their high drive spouse to pour their efforts into the low drive spouse versus porn.  I don't think it is consciously selfish as much as a low drive spouse has no concept of how it feels to be constantly rejected.  [/quote]

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